On the move!!

Sweet Catie is 8 months old TOMORROW! She started scooting about two weeks ago. Not an official- up on the knees- crawl. But some babies never do that, so I call what she's doing "crawling". She gets exactly where she wants to go... so it's official to me! I can't believe we're at this point already.

Sporting her Thirsties diaper cover & babylegs! Could she be cuter???

I don't think so ;)

Fruits of our Labor

When Dustin and I first had Gabbi, we didn't know what to expect... naturally.

We knew certain things. We knew first and foremost, we were to train her in the knowledge of the Lord, praying one day she would come to TRUE knowledge of and love for Him. We knew we didn't want her to watch too much TV, or eat too much junk food. We knew we were going to have to one day spank her precious little bottom. We knew we weren't going to send her to public school. We knew she would one day have siblings, and we would have to teach her to share and be mediating disagreements...

But what in the world does all that look like?

Fortunately for us, the Lord doesn't leave us high and dry. He provided us with His word most importantly, but secondarily another book: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. My recommendation to every mom. The link is a review of the book by Tim Challies and you can find the book on amazon. Anyway, through much prayer and reading, the Lord showed us His heart for discipline.

Our expectation is for our children to obey us, immediately, the first time we give a command. We don't count. We don't do time out. If we give a command, and she fails to obey, she is discipline... with love. We aren't on an power trip. We don't give flippant commands just because we can. And we don't say "because I said so".

Quick obedience is the Lord's desire. Our prayer is that by teaching her to submit to our authority, restraining her will, then submitting to the Lord's authority will come more naturally (I hesitate to say "easy" because obedience to the Lord isn't easy) when she is older.

When Gabbi was not quite one we went to Corryton on a hay ride to get a pumpkin. We were closer to the tractor on the wagon, and I saw a family that was near the back of the wagon. The daughter was maybe 5 or 6. She was sitting on her dad's lap, but when the tractor started moving she wanted to move across to her mom (or aunt, or someone, i'm not sure). She stood up and started to walk across, and I could see that dad was telling her not to although I couldn't hear him. The girl shook her head and was fighting against him as he reached for her arm. Then, she fell. She was a second from falling off the wagon. If the dad hadn't been quick to jump up, grab her arm and pick her up she would have fell off the back of the wagon.

My heart sunk for them. But, through that, God showed me obedience is for their protection. I tell Gabbi every time I discipline her: "Honey, you must obey for your protection. I can't let you go astray!" The image of that family on the hay ride has never left my mind.

I was reminded of it again yesterday. We met Dustin for lunch, and I had the van parked up at the closest spots right along the curb. When we were leaving, Gabbi was walking by herself and I pointed to the van saying "this way". Well, she didnt' see the van, and understood that I was just saying to go in this direction. She jumped off the curb and was running full speed ahead into the parking lot. I didn't see her, but heard Dustin yell "GABBI, STOP!!" just in time to see her running, then stopping instantly, so fast that her feet slipped out from under her and she fell bottom first onto the pavement. Seconds later a car drove by, right where she would have been had she not obeyed. My heart lept and I was in tears, praising her for her obedience and showing her what would have happened. Dustin thinks the person would have seen her in time, I'm not so sure. I choose not think about it though, and only think of the Lord's GREAT mercy. His mercy to teach us biblical discipline, His mercy to enable her to obey at that moment (because trust me, she does not always obey instantly), His mercy to remain faithful even when we are not.

He is a good God.

Learning Thankfulness

The title of this post should really be "Learning thankfulness, selflessness, graciousness, forgiveness...etc" but I don't have the space for that.
This week Dustin is at a conference (Together 4 the Gospel) in Louisville, so we are up here with my mom and dad. I'm staying here in their small two bedroom apartment with a 2year old and 7month old, while all them attend the conference. Yesterday I wasn't even able to be in the apt most of the day as their carpet needed to be replaced. So at 10 in the morning we loaded up in the double stroller off to find an adventure to occupy us until nap time.
It was a terribley exhausting day. Usually I get to call Dustin freely during the day for any "issues" that come up with the kids, or if I get bored, or lonely... or just want to hear his voice :) But not yesterday. I had to wake Catie up from her morning nap and leave, so she was less than pleased with that event. By noon both of them were falling apart. We met up with my sister-in-law, Lauren, for lunch at 12:30. Happy to see her, but never happy to go out anywhere to eat with both of the kids and no Dustin. Everytime we eat out with the kids (even with him there) I feel this pit of dread well up in my stomach. Anyone with toddlers knows what I'm talking about for sure. I felt flustered and distracted and I'm sure the tone in my voice was anything but loving the tenth time I told Gabbi to "turn around and eat your chicken".
I was ready for naptime. But Gabbi wasn't. When we got home and I laid them down, there was definitely protesting. Gabbi goes through spells where she fights naptime. Not so much with words or crying or tantrums anything like that. But she plays to keep herself awake. She gets disciplined for playing or talking loudly or fussing. She knows it's time to sleep. So I was going in there repeatedly for over an hour to adminster discipline. I was worn down to the core and ready to just see my husband. After Gabbi had finally fallen asleep and I was able to doze off for maybe 20 minutes. Dustin had a break from 5-7:30 and we were supposed to meet him for dinner. Well, he called me at 4:30, saying he wasn't sure if there would really be time for me to drive downtown and meet up with them, like we had planned earlier. Longing for adult conversation, and help from my husband for ANY length of time more so, those were the LAST words I wanted to hear. I began crying and was SO frustrated- not with him or anyone in particular, just frustrated. He called back and said if I was able to hurry and get them ready and out the door by 5 then we could make it work. I was packing up diaper bags and rushing around when Gabbi woke up.... followed by more discipline issues that I'm not going to go into right now. There was no way we would be able to make it out the door by 5, and I was even more frustrated. I explained to Gabbi that her disobedience has consequences that affect more than just herself, that we would not be able to go see daddy because her disobedience had delayed us. Well, I confess I was not instructing her in love. I was so exhausted and so upset.
Right before 5 Dustin called me again and said for me to still try and make it. So in a rush I got the girls out the door. On the way to the car Gabbi told me, "Mommy, you said we could not go see Daddy." I was quiet for a minute, thinking (how do I respond to this??), then I responded: "well honey, the Lord is so gracious to us. He gives us good things even when we don't deserve them. Even though we disobey, He still lavishes us with gifts. You were disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy." Then another thought: "Just like I was disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy."
This morning was better, my mom stuck around from the conference. But this afternoon, here I sit watching my sweet girl play with sidewalk chalk while the other one is sleeping. Then, a text message from my hubby: "I love you. Thank you for serving so I can come."
Oh how convicted I am that not for a moment had that thought entered my mind. Serving... yet without a servant's heart. All day yesterday I was just in this pity party of how tired I was, how hard this job is, how much I needed some help. I am serving.
I do love this job. I wouldn't trade being a wife & mommy to my precious girls for anything in this world. Even through the hard times when I just want to shove my head under my pillow, cry, and run away from how HARD it truly is... It's sanctification. It's glorious. He never said it would be easy, He has only said I won't do it alone. I'm so thankful He will not allow me to stay in a pity party for any length of time. He is so very good to me.

In His perfect timing I stumbled across this today and it brought tears to my eyes (not many things do):

Let Me Hold You Longer
Karen Kingsbury

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…
The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket
wanting to be rocked.
The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?
Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.
I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?
The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…
The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…
The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…
The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.
I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.
I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer,God,
to every precious last.

It's crazy because just these passed couple weeks I find myself just watching Gabbi. As she eats, or plays, or is talking to me. And I think of her as a baby... how the days when she would be walking and talking seemed so far off, almost unreachable. Now here she is- a running, jumping, dancing, tutu-wearing, princess-playing, song-singing 2 1/2 year but so much older-acting girl. It makes me realize how quickly her life is going to go by, and how soon she'll be gone. Catie too. This poem brought even more conviction with the text from my husband.
So the Lord is teaching me thankfulness... and so much more. For these days that seem so hard but in hind sight, they are just part of the journey. And I love every step of the journey.
So I am going to get off here and play with my daughter as she serves me invisible coffee from a plastic cup smaller than my fist, and a plastic orange in a yellow bowl... my favorite of all snacks.

Welcoming Spring!

Today was the first day the girls were medicine-free! No breathing treaments, no fevers, no tylenol... Of course, after the whole week of Gabbi going crazy during bedtime and staying up for two hours and realizing the albuterol makes her hyper we decided that was it. So we were all better just in time to head to Fountain City Park and welcome spring! The first time we've been out in a week! Here are a few pictures from our day:

**after publishing my post I realized that only half of some of the pictures show up. if you click on the picture it will bring the whole thing up in a new window. don't know why it's doing this? any tips?**

Gabbi's first request was to feed the ducks.

Sweet girl didn't even notice that the ducks really weren't hungry. Not a single duck swam up to us like the usually do. They probably were full since I'm sure every other two-year-old in Knoxville wanted to feed them today too.

I love this. Gabbi's interpretation of "tear it up" is "tear it in half" then throw it in the water.

It's funny how Gabbi has "friends" everywhere. As we were walking up to the playground she asked "am I going to play with my friends?" :) She met this sweet little girl on the tire swing.

I think she is absolutely gorgeous.

So big on the "big girl" swing!

"YOU wanna picture of ME?"

Catie's first time swinging!

My other gorgeous girl showing off her new teeth!

We're so creative.

The only way to end a day like today is with ice cream! We asked Gabbi where she wanted to get ice cream (just to see what she would say) and after thinking for a moment she said "the red house". Smart girl. She's talking about Bruster's, of course!

Don't worry, Catie-bug, you'll get ice cream soon.

THE END.

Great way to end our week and send our girls off to Nana & Poppy's this weekend in Louisville. I'm going to miss them in this empty house. But Dustin & I have some serious spring cleaning/ renovating to do to this place. If we're super productive, I may post some picture of our work.

Love my beautiful girls :)

My sick babies...

It has been a rough couple weeks here in our neck of the woods! About a month ago, Catie got a nasty cold, but it wasn't anything too serious. Quickly afterward, Gabbi came down with a cough too. Hers wasn't nearly as bad as Catie's. I'm typically not the kind of mom who takes her kids to the Dr at the first sneeze or cough, but RSV has been going around our circle recently and it is the LAST thing I wanted Catie to get. Babies are sometimes in the hospital because of it. I just have this vision in my mind of her not being able to breath, or being dehydrated, or worse... I just do NOT wan it! So I called the Dr and he tested her, and she was fine. There colds wore off since. Then within 10 days they graciously gave their illness to Daddy. I thought it was looking good for me to not get it, since I'm super woman and everything. Dustin was wiped out for a few days, ended up going to the walk-in clinic and paying 60 bucks for them to tell him he'll be better in a few more days. He was. Then it seemed as if there was peaceful in our house for a few days... the calm before the storm. I had the worst sore throat and cough I've had in a long time. I haven't been so miserable in so long. So two Sundays ago, it was my turn for the walk-in clinic. The verdict, bronchitis. The following Tuesday, Gabbi was running at 102 fever in the middle of night and we took her to the ER because I decided to panic. The verdict, URI/ Bronchitis and he gave her an antibiotic... the did nothing. Thurday morning Catie began coughing again and Gabbi still wasn't ANY better, we couldn't get her fever down. So Friday at Gabbi's "recheck" they were both diagnosed with RSV.

My worst nightmare. The only thing is, I really didn't freak out. I almost laughed... it's just our turn.

This winter, Catie hasn't been in the nursery at church at all. We rarely put Gabbi in there either. I've been trying to keep them away from all the germs and illness that pass around since all children their age decide to put everything in their mouths. And no one has yet mastered "cover you cough". I wash Gabbi's hands like crazy. I give her orange juice every morning, thinking this is going to "strengthen" her immune system or something... Ha. I have no control. I think I do... only... I don't.

My children could never see another child face to face and be hibernating all winter and if the Lord wanted them to have RSV they still would. It's that simple. I need to as forgiveness for thinking I could keep them safe. I can't. They are His children that He is letting me "borrow" and He is the ONLY One that can protect them. It's almost a huge relief when you look at it from that perspective. Trying to keep two babies from any pain or illness or injury is an exhausting job! I have no control. Hallelujah!

Skating Adventures.

Yes. It's been almost a year...
A lot has happened within the year and to recap everything would mean our dinner would probably not get on the table tonight. Hopefully with every post over the next few weeks, I'll recall something that's happened this past year. That's my goal anyway.

So, right now, I'll begin with the obvious.
On September 1st of last year, we had a beautiful new addition to our family.

Caitlin Hope Haddock.

The adjustment was hard at first. Especially on sweet Gabbi girl, who wasn't so sweet on the "idea" of Catie. She loved Catie, but didn't love having to share Mommy & Daddy.
Catie is now 6 months old, and we can't imagine life without her. Neither can Gabbi. I love how close in age they are and pray they will grow so close as the years go by. I imagine them being the best of friends.

The Olympics were this year and I think I enjoyed them more this year than I ever have. Of course, my favorite event to watch was figuring skating. Gabbi enjoyed it too, and although she didn't hardly stay up to watch it, what she did catch she loved. My favorite part of Gabbi watching figure skating was being able to watch her mimic the skaters. She'd spin around in circles in the living room, run and jump and attempt to spin while jumping, and then go on to grab her foot, holding it in the air and yell "I'm skating, watch me!"
Of course, the only logical next step was to take her to the ice chalet off Kingston Pike. We could have a prodigy on our hands, right?? The next Michelle Kwan...



Well, maybe not. But it was a lot of fun. I couldn't help but laugh when I traded in Gabbi's boots for the rental skates. The girl handed me the next to the smallest size skates they had, and without a doubt the tiniest ice skates I could ever have imagined. They were so cute! (If you can imagine "cute" ice skates) My favorite part, though, was Gabbi calling the "zamboni" (for those who don't know, that zamboni is the large machine that cleans the ice) the "macaroni". When we were leaving she kept saying she wanted to "see the macaroni again". Silly girl.
After ice skating, we ventured to the one and only Chick-fil-a. What better way to end the evening? We've grown to love chick-fil-a... mainly because with Gabbi's allergy it's the cheapest place we can eat out. Our options are pretty limited.

Well. Nap time will soon be over, and I haven't done a thing I was planning on. My chores await :)

Gabbi's Favorite Song

It was a sick weekend in the Haddock house. I woke up Friday morning to a crib full of vomit. (Nice, huh, Bub?) Gabbi had never been sick like this before, so it was a new experience all the way around- for her and I both. Saturday she wasn't completely back to normal. She was feeling great by her actions, playing hard, but still wasn't eating good and a tad bit clingy. Just this evening for dinner was actually the first time she's eaten a good meal since Thursday. I feel aweful for her though b/c of the allergy and tummy problems she's had she's always been small and scrawny. Just in the past 2 months has she started to gain weight. A stomach bug would've been the last thing I would have asked for for her as far as illnesses go. But, the Lord is sovereign and it truly has kept us looking to Him. All weekend long I've just asked Him to sustain me and He has... a stomach bug is never the illness I want to clean up after, but being pregnant just adds to it. But I was okay, and I never got it. Praise the Lord!

In Gabbi's little baby book there's a section about her "growing" and place to list her "favorite things". One of which is a favorite song. I've thought about this a few times and have wondered if she's actually to the point yet where she can understand different songs and have a "favorite". Over the past several months, maybe the past year, "Amazing Grace- My Chains are Gone" has been a favorite of mine, and one that I often sing to her. There are a couple that I sing to her, but I think My Chains are Gone is definitely the most frequent. So, Saturday night we went to some friends' house which we often do- we lay her down and wake her up whenever we go home and put her right back to bed. Truly, never have had a problem. Saturday I guess with her still not being completely normal we laid her back down and she cried and cried. She'd stop and start again. So Dustin and I decided I'd go in there- we usually let her cry, but with the circumstances we thought I could go comfort her. I picked her up and we laid down on the futon that's in her room. I sang several songs to her and she just laid on my chest, not crying, but not going back to sleep. After maybe 3 or 4 songs I sang "My Chains are Gone"... when I finished the song a I started another one, but immediately Gabbi sat up and said "NightNight" and looked toward her bed. Almost as if "Thanks Mommy, that's what I was waiting for; I'll go to bed now." I went to bed with a little smile on my face, but didn't know what to think of it. Coincidence?

Tonight was a similar story. She asked me to go to bed at about 6:30. She does this periodically, a blessing completely. It was a little earlier than normal, and with it still being light outside I didn't know how she'd do. I heard her off and on talking/ fussing for a while. Then at about 8:00 we came upstairs. Dustin went in her room to check on her, he picked her up for just a moment and when he laid her back down she screamed for "mommy! mommy!" You have to know, this is a rare occasion. She is totally a Daddy's girl and even when Daddy's not around she cries for him. Dustin had picked her up again and when I walked into the room she reached for me immediately. She snuggled up to me and I asked her (as if she knows what it means) "do you want to sing?" and she said "yeah" (default answer). So I sang "My Chains are Gone", and right at the last couple lines she sat up and reached for her bed. She got cozied in with 'Blankie' and 'Puppy' without another peep the rest of the night.

Coincidence? I don't think so anymore. I believe Gabbi now has a favorite song. Too sweet!!!

Morning Mercies

Something funny happened for the second time this morning. I am a relatively heavy sleeper, a little less so these days being pregnant and having to get up at least once during the night. But I rarely wake up when Dustin gets out of bed; actually, when I do wake up I'm on his side of the bed and wonder "how did I get here?" This morning, as one morning a week or two ago, I open my eyes half way and actually get frustrated with him: "why did he leave the lamp on?!" I roll over, but there is still this bright light coming from the side of the room. I can't fall back asleep because he has "left the lamp on", so I sit up with a big sigh, rub my eyes and look to turn off the light... then chuckle at myself. I can't turn off the light, b/c it's coming from the sun shining in through our window! This light, I love.

I think I'm more anxious for spring this year than I have ever been in my life. I'm sitting at my desk, a small breeze and music from the birds coming through my window. If I wasn't pregnant, a cup of coffee would be in front of me. Now that sounds good! I guess this glass of water will just have to suffice. My bible is open to Psalm 96, what I can't seem to get away from on mornings like this.

"Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy..."
vv.11-12

I can't help but think that the earth is rejoicing & the trees in my back yard, as well as the birds in them, are singing for joy. And the Lord is over it all... He commands the breeze to blow, and it does. He commands the birds to sing a song, and they do. In a matter of weeks He'll command the trees & flowers to bud, and they will. All things come to pass- births, deaths, and seasons- in His perfect time. I love the promise of Spring. Just as we have to walk through the valley to stand upon the mountain, to even know we're standing on a mountain, in the same way we have to walk through the cold death of winter to know the beauty and warmth of spring. Maybe that's why I'm more anxious for spring this year. Because the Lord is doing the same thing in creation as He is doing in my heart, in mine and Dustin's life. It's a wonderful thing! I just want to take Gabbi outside and dance with the trees!!! (With the picture from Prince Caspian in my mind.)
We must get outside today.

A (long) Testimony of His Grace

I realize it has been almost 4 months since I've blogged. I do aspire to be a better "blogger"... and I really don't know how any mom can keep up with a blog. I mean, I only have one child right now and it's next to impossible! So, you mommy-bloggers out there (I'm thinking of Courtney in particular- who is amazing at keeping her blog up), you have my respect!

Words can't really describe how much the Lord has moved in my heart these past few months. I guess it really started before Dustin and I went to West Africa on a mission trip right a couple weeks before Christmas. It was one night before we were going to bed, when he was under this conviction, over several things really. He was confessing things to me and broken... I don't remember the lot of what he had said, but I remember this one thing. He said, "Baby, I want to Lord to just make everything new. I want to just start over... with a clean slate." I got so excited and said, "Honey! He can! That's what He does!!!" ---Realizing now how little I actually believed what I myself was saying to him. So there we were, for a few weeks really praying and asking the Lord to just make all things new- in our lives, our marriage, everything.

We came home from W. Africa, several weeks afterward, and I believe I was under some type of spiritual warfare. I just could not seem to hear from the Lord when I would read His word and I felt like my prayers hit the ceiling. I honestly began to lose a desire to even open my bible. Dustin and I also began arguing a lot during this time. I confess, with much regret, I spoke SO ugly to him. If he would even remotely be short or impatient with me in any way, I would lash out at him. The thing that makes my anger & harsh words even worse, was I felt no remorse for them. If I even did apologize to him afterward it was because I just wanted to keep peace, because I knew I "should" be sorry. I was troubled by this periodically & wondered "How can I say I'm sorry without feeling sorry?!?" It was my sweet baby girl who the Lord used to bring light upon my sin.

Gabrielle is growing, obviously, and her personality is growing with her... She has such a big personality for such a little girl. This really is sweet & so fun to watch, but sometimes it's not so good. Near the end of January she realized she too, can say the word "no". While playing with other friends of hers is pretty much her favorite time to use this word. Half the time she's probably provoked by someone taking a toy away from her or something and she says "no", half the time she's the one taking the toy and saying "no". Either way, I was very troubled by this. Dustin and I talked about it and at first we were not in complete agreement as to how to handle it. Then, he told me I should discipline her when she says (actually, yells) "no" like this. I had a hard time with this. I just did not want to discipline her- so sometimes I would & sometimes (if I saw she was provoked) I wouldn't. Inconsistent. We strive very hard to be consistent, and I knew I was misleading her by sometimes disciplining and sometimes not. I just did not want to discipline her if I knew she was being provoked by someone else. Dustin pretty much called me out on it and said "Look, even if WE are provoked, we still are not to sin". One Friday night I just lied in bed telling the Lord over and over again: "I just want to defend her. I just want to defend her!" To a fault. Yes. I am not doing a good job of protecting her if I am allowing her to sin. After saying this for probably 5 minutes, agonizing over what I need to do, the Lord spoke to me (no, it was not an audible voice, just in my heart) "In the same way I want to defend YOU". In an even greater way!! I was flabbergasted for a moment, and then began to really think on what that means. I know the Lord is our defender, I just have never believed He is my defender. In fact, I've never really believed Him about a lot of things He says He is to me. So I've never let Him defend me- when people make *sarcastic/ rude/ harsh* comments about my being pregnant again, when people sin against me, and mainly when Dustin sins against me, I take it upon myself to defend me. Either by just getting angry inside or by letting them know that I'm angry.

This was pretty huge. But not nearly the end. Later that week I was in Louisville visiting my mom, and I attended a bible study with her Thursday morning. The study she was doing was Jerry Bridges, Pursuit of Holiness. It was the first meeting, so the lady leading the study was just doing an introduction. She was an amazing speaker, and God used her words to just cut me straight in the heart. She spoke about the lack of the pursuit of holiness in the church today. The lack of desire for God's word & how this shows itself in our daily lives. In our lack of discipline, lack of conviction over sin, lack of discipline in our children even. She spoke how people excuse their sin by saying "it's the way I've always been" or "well, so-and-so did this to me". Wow. God immediately showed me my need to confess the sin of my horrible words to my husband. Showed me that it is sin whether or not Dustin sins against me first. And He showed me the reason I never wanted to discipline Gabbi is because of my own sin in my life. I didn't want to admit she was wrong by yelling "no" when she was provoked in the same way I didn't want to admit I was wrong by yelling "(whatever)" when I was provoked. I confessed all that to Dustin and he sweetly, immediately forgave me.

Then the warfare started. The lies. "How can you really be saved if you could go that long without a sensitivity to your sin?" That Sunday at church (still in Louisville), during the invitation the Pastor made some comment about "If you've always known about Christ, but never had a real relationship with Him........." and the lie slipped into my ear "you need to go forward, you don't really know Christ." From time to time I think every believer hears the same type of lies. But never this clearly for me. I began to believe them immediately, just like Eve. The next two weeks I agonized over these lies. Battling in my heart, "can I truly be saved???" The bible study I was in was Kay Arthur, teaching on the end times. Through the entire hour I was in utter despair, just knowing I would not meet Christ in the clouds but would stand before Him at the Great White Throne and be banished into Hell. Lies. Lies. Lies. I shared these thoughts with Dustin, and a couple of dear friends who all spoke truth over me and prayed much for me.

Some short time later, I read Numbers 14, where Moses sends the spies into the Promised Land. They come back, and only Joshua speak the truth. The others all say there is no way they can defeat the Canaanites & Israel believes them- instead of believing that God, who led them out of captivity in Egypt, fed them with Manna, caused water to spring forth from a rock, could help them defeat the Canaanites. So, they are punished for their unbelief. They must spend 40 more years in the wilderness where they die, and their children at first suffer for their unbelief, but then are able to enter the Promised Land. This passage spoke directly to me. Lord, I do not want my children to suffer for my unbelief. I began to beg Him to help me believe Him & the promises of His word.

Two weeks after the lies started (exactly), I had a huge breaking point. One of those that begins with a few simple tears that can't seem to stop and leads to uncontrollable sobbing. My poor husband, was taken aback because this came out of pretty much nowhere. I had reached the end, I had made up in my mind that there was no way I was a Christian & didn't know what to do about it, or really which end was up. After I had calmed down, the Lord spoke amazing words through Him. He told me he truly saw this fruit (which is what it comes down to: You know a tree by its fruit) in my life from all the Lord was doing in me and showing me over these past several weeks. He told me he noticed a huge difference in the way I spoke to him. Where before there was no remorse, and now, if I speak the slightest bit harshly to him I was immediately sorry. Then he asked me "Honey, do you hate your sin." I said, "Yes, everyday, I hate it." Then, all the things he had said really started to sink in, and I felt this little ray of hope.

The next day, was last Monday (the 23rd), I started reading John Piper's book, Battling Unbelief. This book I had bought months and months ago and was just now starting to read. Which is funny, the Lord's timing. Because I don't think if I had read this book when I first bought it, it would have had the affect on me the way it has now. My heart was just not ready. I could probably write a whole different *long* blog about just how the Lord has spoken to me in this book. But the main thing comes down to this. The sin He had just revealed to me is encompassed by a much larger thing- my sin of unbelief- which in encompassed in the sin of pride. I realized in the almost 4 years that I've been a believer, I don't think I've ever truly believed Him. So I thought I was just dealing with the sin of my words, when really, I'm a prideful, unbelieving, straying little lamb of His. Praise God!!! But through this He showed me a picture... Last Thursday. I do well with illustrations, so I apologize if you don't do well with illustrations.
I saw myself in this dark dungeon/ basement place & the filthiness of my sin surrounded me. I was covered in cobwebs & dust & ashes... helpless in bondage to my sin of unbelief. And here He comes- my Lord, my Deliverer, my Redeemer... peeling away the cobwebs & dusting off the ashes, bestowing on my a beautiful headdress, a crown. I realized on Saturday at the women's retreat this picture He showed me was completely a reference to Isaiah 61:1-3!

Our God is so great!!! I told Dustin and several other people this weekend, I haven't felt hope like this in I can't even remember how long. I feel freedom, and joy... and I just can't wait for what He is going to do next. I know this is a super long blog, but I couldn't refrain from sharing this with everyone. His grace is what sustains us each day. And He does answer our prayer... He is making all things new.

Today has been an odd day. A great day, but just different. My thoughts on the election will maybe be in a later post... but currently, I feel peace.
No, I do not support Barack Obama. I believe Romans 13:1-5 is a command to submit to the authority of the government, not a command to support it. Until the day that Obama falls at the feet or my Savior, and his policies follow my Savior's commands as well, I will never support Barack Obama. That's all I will say for now... This was not the point of this blog, but I could get carried away.
I have peace though... only because my peace comes from One so much greater than any authority in this world.

I feel like sometimes my life goes through themes... and during these periods there are songs I fall in love with. Theme songs- so cheesey- that's a joke.
Anyone who is married must know marriage is so hard. Someone I greatly admire, a preacher by the name of Paul Washer, once explained it in a way I will not do justice. But so many people say that God made their spouse just for them, to make them a better person, to complete them, etc. This is not an entirely true statement. Yes- I fully believe God has ordained Dustin to be my husband from eternity past. But he has characteristics in him, that touch every never in my body... drive me crazy even. Those things in him are to peal away layers of myself that do not please to Lord. To make me look more like Christ. When two fallen people come together in marriage, apart from Christ, it is going to be a disaster.
I'm so thankful for Christ. With the world shouting from every angle lies from the pit of hell- "you deserve to be happy, it's all that matters" "you do whatever is right for you" "if he treats you bad, leave him"- no wonder the divorce rate is nearing, if not passing, 50%.
Dustin and I have had our share of hard days already. They say the first two years of marriage are the hardest... I could attest to that, even though we haven't made it to are third yet. With getting engaged, married, and have our first child all within one life-altering year, how could it be anything but hard.

That brings me to the song. I wasn't crazy about it at first... most songs I'm not crazy about at first, but totally cynical (God is working on me about that). When I saw the movie "Fireproof" it totally changed my perspective of this song. If you haven't seen Fireproof... go see it. It is without a doubt (aside from the Chronicles of Narnia, but really it's incomparable b/c it's totally different) the best movie I have ever seen. This song played at the end. There really is so much truth in these lyrics.

Warren Barfield: love is not a fight
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

So Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

So much truth. It's a current favorite.
Maybe I'll be better about blogging these next few days.

"Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set You glory above the heavens." Psalm 8:1

We went camping this weekend, and I picture the enormous mountains and the blanket of bright stars across the sky as I read this verse. Oh, He commanded the mountains the rise up and they did. He commanded the stars to hang and shine, and they did. His creativity and beauty amaze me. I can't imagine and God that is even more beautiful than the stars in the sky... but He is.
We went to Bandy Creek in Oneida. Which is apparently one of the darkest places in the eastern US b/c there is no big city really near to it. So it's one of the best places to look at stars- or so they say. I mean, I would believe it. I don't know if I've ever seen stars that clear in my life. We rode down this long dirt road away from our campsite to this clearing in the woods. Dustin and I (along with Kristin and Derek) lied on the road and just watched the stars. (Probably one of the most "memorable" moments of our marriage). I was just lying there in awe of our great God... isn't that the point of His creation? He created all things for His glory, so shouldn't we just give Him glory when we wonder at His creation? I just love it. So we were lying there for a few minutes and I said quietly to myself (but Dustin did hear me) "Lord, please let me see a falling star tonight!" A few minutes later, a star fell from the sky... then another... then another... then another! Four falling stars within minutes of each other!! I was so excited I was practically in tears. I was telling Dustin "Did you hear me? Did you hear me ask the Lord for a falling star?? And then He gave me four!" Dustin replied "Yeah, I heard you. You asked the Lord and you know what He said? 'That's My daughter, and I love her SO much, and she wants to see a falling star, so I'm going to give that to her'. Then He called the star by name, and commanded it to fall, at it obeyed joyfully." The star, when commanded, said "YES LORD." It obeyed Him, and was happy to do so... oh to be like the stars in the sky! Who joyfully and willingly obey our God in everything!
It was an amazing night.

So it's been a really long week.
My parents moved Monday- literally the first time of my life I've been away from them. It's been hard. I just feel like I'm in a "dry" place with the Lord this week. I was explaining to someone that, when I've read this week, I feel like I'm not retaining anything. And when I've prayed, for the first time in my walk with the Lord it's like my prayers have hit the roof. I know He's there, I just can't sense Him there. Yesterday I was just overcome with sadness and I just didn't feel like doing a thing. But I knew it was not His desire for me to just sit all day and do nothing. I was home all day Tuesday and yesterday morning... I needed out of the house. So I called my "Nanny Betty"- she's my surrogate grandmother here in Knoxville :) I spent a few hours with her yesterday afternoon and was just so thankful the Lord gave me that time- it was like a breath of fresh air. We talked some, just sat some in silence (which I love. It's something about elder women who have walked with the Lord for some time... they can just be quiet and it's not awkward. Like me, I'm young and not so mature in Christ, I feel a constant need to just fill silence with words.)... we sat in the swing in the front yard and walked in the garden. Gabbi loved it too... she was so good, and just let Nanna Betty love all over her. She told me something so simple, yet so profound... first, she just reminded me that even in this time God is present with me, she reminded me that He'll never leave nor forsake me. Which I know, but it's always good to be reminded. Then she said this: Maybe during this time He may not be revealing Himself to me, to see if I'm going to trust Him even when I don't sense His presence. We can't base our relationship with God on experience after experience, on our emotions. Pastor has said several times that our feelings are so fical... this I know, but I must trust God more than I trust my couch! Never once have I ever sat down on my couch and wondered if it was going to hold me... yet I question my all-powerful Father? Oh Lord, forgive me!

Dustin started his new job with Greg this week. He absolutely loves it, and really sees a future in it. It's really exactly what we've been praying for... for him to be able to learn a "trade" that will continue to provide for us in the future. I even started a part-time at-home job this week. Filling out addresses and stuffing envelopes. God is just providing for us continually. He is so faithful... over and over again.

Gabbi is officially- as of this past weekend- walking full speed ahead. She's unstoppable now! It was so funny watching her walking with Kate Willis today. Kate is 13months and Gabbi is just 10, she looks so tiny walking beside Kate- who is almost a head taller than her.
It's 7 weeks until Gabbi's first birthday- that is incredible to me!
Where does the time go???

I know I'm from East Tennessee...

So, my daughter is 10 months old today. She is getting SO big! It's unbelievable to process she's gone through this past year. I am amazed at her everyday. She's walking!!! This past week especially she's taken huge steps (literally and figuratively lol). She's going from one side of the room to the other, getting faster and faster. I love it. I love watching her learn and grow.

For a 10month old she's pretty verbal. I'm not saying this b/c every parent wants their kid to be a genius or something, but I do think she's pretty advance. I mean, she's walking you know? But she just babbles non-stop. I wouldn't know really, b/c she's our first, but my mom said even her babbling is "big girl".

Well, like the typical infant, Gabbi has mastered babbling "words" such as "ma-ma-ma-ma" and "da-da-da-da", without really knowing exactly who mama and dada are. Lately, I think she's understanding more, mainly b/c Dustin and I will pat our chests like "cave" man and talk to her like she deaf saying "MA-MA" or "DA-DA" lol. A couple weeks ago, however, my mom was babysitting her. They have a dog named Dexter, whom we've always affectionately called "Bubba". Mom and Gabbi were in the living room, and mom, speaking to the dog says "What are you doing, Bubba?" When to her astonoshment Gabbi repeats "Buh-Buh". Later than evening when Dustin and I showed up, mom retold the story to us. When telling it, she replayed it word for word and said "And then Gabbi goes---" and Gabbi cut her off, filling in the blank herself "Buh-Buh". Hilarious!!!
I know I'm from East Tennessee when my daughter's first word is Bubba!
Only to make the situation "worse".... not only does she babble to word "Bubba", but she knows exactly who Bubba is. We were at mom's today, and Gabbi looked directly and the dog and says "Bubba... Bubba."

Oh my...

hello all!

i'm here to apologize for how long it has been since i have blogged! here's the excuse: no internet. hopefully SOON we will have our computer and have it hooked up. my parents are going to give us one of there's.... graciously. but there's a few steps i guess that need to be taken care of until then. we've moved... about a month ago. and since we have a new place i'm not here at my parent's nearly as much. and when i am, it's not for as long. so i just don't take the time to sit and blog.

what's new? we have moved, like i said, and it is SO much better than our old place. the Lord just provided for us and He's making it our home (temporarily of course). we've had people over, which i've missed terribely. i love opening up my home to friends and to talk about the Lord and to fellowship! sunday nights the past few weeks we've had friends over after church to hang out and play games... i think we're beginning a tradition.
kristin and derek (some of our very best friends) get home tomorrow!!!!!!! they've been in india all summer on mission, and i really can't believe how quickly the time has gone. i'm beyond thrilled.
lastly... i've been praying about going to the TrueWoman Conference in Chicago since january. first it was a financial thing, we just didnt have the money. then, i realized i could go for a little cheaper, and all the women going already had rooms and everything. i didn't have anyone to room with, and no one could go. so last week i was just talking to the Lord about it, and saying maybe it's just not His will, maybe this isn't my time and i'm not meant to go.... so on. thursday night we went the bethel's and one couple was there that i don't really hang out with much. she was asking me if i was going and i sort of explained to her the situation and she said "well, you can stay with us!" they had a room and everything. i am so thrilled!!! i ordered my ticket today, and cannot wait for october!! it will be here before we know it. i feel like i really need to get my heart prepared to hear a huge word from Him. i love nancy leigh demoss, and some of my favorite singers are leading worship. it's going to be amazing... the Lord has been revealing Himself to me in a great way lately and i'm so thankful He has willed me to go!

speaking of october being here before we know it, gabbi will be one in october. less than three more months! she is getting so big... seriously about to be walking!

it may be another few weeks before i get on here again, but hopefully soon i'll have a computer and internet!
love to all!!

Thoughts on Narnia

Last night we had a "fajita night" with our Lifegroup (Sunday School). Gabbi stayed the night with my parents. I had thought maybe we'd take advantage and go to be early... however, when Daniel and Ashley said they were going to see the new Narnia movie, we got a crazy hair and were out until TWO. Well worth it though.... I think.
First we went by their place (they live in the apartments we are going to moving into). It was pretty exciting to see where we're going to be living. Dustin and I talked about where we'd put our furniture and I started getting visuals of where I'd hang certain things. I'm SO excited!
Then we rode together downtown to the Riviera (sp?). I'd never been to the that theater. I really liked it... it was a cool, spring night and there were outdoor escalators- which I'd never seen. It was just fun. Had we gone earlier I would've wanted to walk around market square and really get the "feel" of being downtown on a spring night. But... the movie was at 10:45 and by the time it was over we were all half asleep and the city was definitely dead.

The movie though... Oh, it was SO good! Equally as good, if not better, than the first. I love the symbolism in it... and how I can see the Christian parallel. On the way home I told Dustin, I really don't know how a non-Christian can get anything out of it. I mean, I guess yeah, they would see them as "good moral ideas" or something. But it is just so clear I don't know how they could deny it. I don't know if that makes sense?
The entire underlying theme is faith, in short. When Narnia was being attacked, Aslan wasn't showing his face to them clearly, and they started to doubt/ stopped believing. (All except Lucy, really). Then they began to do things in their own strength, and failed miserabley. *This is all a brief synopsis of what I took from it* The picture so much resembles our walk with the Lord- when His plan is not completely clear to us, do we still rest in Him? Do we still seek Him and His desires for our lives even when we don't understand? It really spoke to me in our situation right now- or maybe more a week ago.
My favorite scene, and it was truly thought provoking, was when Lucy was reunited with Aslan. One time she was dreaming, the next time was for real and near the end of the movie. The first time though, the flowers and trees around her seemed to come alive and we dancing. And Lucy just laughed and smiled. The second time, when she saw Aslan, she tackled him and they kinda rolled on the ground laughing. I really contemplate this. So often our picture of the Lord is of Him reigning over us, pointing His finger at us when we are in the wrong- possibley even a stern look on His face. Or maybe even if He's not "angry" at us... do we picture Him laughing with us playfully? The Bible says He delights in us. I truly think this is what it looks like for Him to delight in us. I love to think of Lucy's relationship with Aslan in light of mine with God. This morning at church even thinking of me seeing Jesus, tackling Him to the ground and laughing with Him inspired my heart to worship. Oh, how I long to rid this body of flesh, see my King face to face, hold him, laugh with Him... how I long to know His delight in me, even me...

I've told this story a couple times. But I was thinking a couple weeks ago about Gabbi. How I love her more than I ever thought capable, and how my love for her only grows as she grows. How Dustin and I love to watch her as she's growing, learning new things- the first time she rolled over, sat up, and now as she tries SO hard to crawl and is taking new strides each day. Even when she plays, Dustin and I can sit forever watching her, just smiling and practically drooling over her! WE DELIGHT IN HER. God showed me a couple weeks ago the picture: we as Gabbi's parents, Him as our Parent. And if we, being fallen love her and delight in her so much, how much greater HE delights in US. Oh, Father the things You teach me through my child! I loved this image.

The Lord knows my longing to truly know and believe His love for me. He's showing me new things each day. I'm just basking in it... His glory... He's amazing.

"Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.'" Isaiah 35:3-4

I love the mention of anxious hearts... oh, my heart has been anxious. But the Lord is my strength. Yes, He will come and save me. Oh, He rewards those who seek Him!! I've been seeking Him more strongly as of late, and my heart is learning to trust Him. He proves Himself faithful over and over.

Yesterday, we had our third door close on a new job. The last of the landscaping guys that Dustin had worked for said he didn't need anymore workers right now, but he'd "keep him in mind" (as all the others have said). Today though, he (Jeff) called Dustin back and asked him when he'd be able to start working for him. Dustin explained to him that if it would be stable, and if he could get the hours he needs, he could start next week. Then again Jeff said he'll call back tomorrow and let him know. Well, he called back tonight. Dustin missed the call though, but he left a voice mail saying- yes, I can make you stable and get you 45-50 hours a week.
WOW, Lord. That is exactly what we've been praying for for MONTHS!!
Oh, how we've waited- sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently- but waited we have.

He's better than we deserve. An apartment. A new job. We got our tax rebate today. He's so good.

Just giving an update. I'll be updating more soon :) Love to all!

Whirlwind.

Today started off great.
For the past couple months it's been this battle- I am SO ready to move out of our apartment. One bedroom. No windows (we're in a basement). No bathtub (just a stand-up shower stall). The smallest kitchen imaginable. And our "living room" is our livingroom/ dining room/ laundry room/ office/ and Gabbi's playroom- all in one! It's pretty much impossible to keep clean, really.
The Lord knows our needs. He knows what we can (and can't) afford. I've had to give it to Him over and over... it's been a battle of trusting Him, then taking it back, then trusting Him, then questioning Him. I've told myself that I really believed He wasn't going to give us a new place until I was content with where He had us. Phil 4:11 "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Oh how did Paul do it?? Well, I've been trying. Sometimes, in my own strength, sometimes in His.
It's just been one of the *many* battles I'm wrestling with. Trusting & believing the Lord being the underlying theme. Dustin needs a new job- desperately NEEDS a new job. And everywhere we turn it's a closed door. Oh Lord, in Your timing we know!
I'm praying.... It's a growing time for sure.
With my parents moving this summer... they've already had an offer go through with their house, so it's just a matter of time. And my brother moving... I just feel like my head is spinning.
Oh Katie, pray for me to really practice what you were talking about last night. Face to face with the Lord. Not looking around, or back, face to face- mine to His. That's really been sticking out to me.
Sometimes it's so hard for me to truly believe that His way is the best- that He really wants the BEST for me. When we're living in this cramped apartment, struggling to pay bills (but He provides), and now all my family is moving away... this is the Lord's best for me.
Face to face.
I needed some encouragement. So this morning when Gabbi went down I sat on my bed (also my couch lol.) And opened up my bible and Praying God's Word (Beth Moore). I really didn't even know where to begin... there's so much in my heart and mind that I want to lay out before the Lord that I don't even know how to communicate it with Him. Praise Him that He understands me better than I do.
My phone rings. The apartment complex where we were on a waiting list. They have a place for us! So... the middle of June we will be moving on! And yes, to a place that is twice as big and less expensive (if you can believe it).
How sweet of Him??? Lord, You ARE good. Just to lift up my head when I need it the most. I know He will have a job for Dustin in His time, and He will sustain us until then. I have to believe it.
So I read on in Hebrews. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him" (v. 11:6). It's funny how I always have heard the first part of this verse, but never really focused in on the second part. He rewards those who seek Him. In the MacArthur, the footnotes led to a verse in Chronicles.
"And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve Him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek Him, He will be found by you..." 1 Chron 28:9
I can rest in the fact that He understands every plan and thought. But what does it look like to serve God with a willing mind?? I've been praying for Him to show me that today. A whole heart and a willing mind. Does a willing mind worry about time or space or money? Does it continuously jump from one thought to another about how's and why's and where's? Maybe a willing mind is a mind that is stayed on Him. Any thoughts are welcome ones.

This is just where my thoughts have left me as of now.

Tuesday was my last day at work. Oh, what a freeing feeling!!! I can stay at home with my baby now- always, everyday! My heart is overjoyed at what the Lord has for me at home. I've been learning so much about who He created me to be as a woman- a helper to my husband and all that entails; a mother to my child(ren) and all that entails. It can be quite overwhelming... but I know that with Him and His Spirit I will be able to accomplish what I am supposed to.
So here begins my journey as a "stay-at-home mom". I can't wait to see the things He's going to teach me and where He's going to lead me.

Okay. So I know it's been, what, a year???


What can be said about a year?? I dont know... but I do know I desperately want to begin keeping my blog updated. I say that now, and may even begin to do well for a couple months... then I'll probably fall behind again. That's typically how it goes right?





Okay.... so a year... Let's give it a whirl:
JUNE '07-- we moved back to Powell, back into a 1-bedroom basement apartment. Might I add, no windows. Not the greatest of living conditions... but we have a roof over our head and solid four walls, which is better than the greater majority of the world. (oh, and indoor plumming) Who am I to complain?


JULY-- we went to Lynchburg to my grandparents w/ Kristin and Derek. Where I began this downward spiral of intense SWELLING. July was a rough month... physically and spiritually. The Lord began changing some things in me in some pretty hard ways.


AUGUST-- the humidity was aweful and I would've sworn to you that it was a record-breakingly hot summer. Peaking pregnant at the peak of summer is not a desirable combonation. I began working at KPA this month. A real change of pace as far as jobs go.


SEPTEMBER-- Working almost full time hours, being able to wears scrubs to work being 9 months pregnant was nice. But getting little to no sleep wasn't much fun.... had a couple "scares" this month where we found ourselves in Labor & Delivery at some odd hours of the night. But no baby!


OCTOBER-- Gabrielle Elena Haddock made her way into the world on the 9th! My world went through a loop at this point. Things would never be back to "normal" ever again.


NOVEMBER-- with the new addition to hour family came some new shaping and reshaping of my heart. November was the beginning of what I truly beleive was an outpouring of our Lord's Holy Spirit on mine and Dustin's lives. Oh how amazing is He that He does not leave us as He has found us?!?? Peeling away parts that do not please Him, reshaping and molding us to make us into His image. What an amazing and beautiful God we serve. Sooo much to be thankful for!


DECEMBER '08-- praise the Lord our nights got better... as she was sleeping through the night at just 7 weeks old!!! Merry first Christmas, and....... OMG there is something so not pleasant crawling across my floor right now??


....what is that??!?!...... the mystery bug has disappeared. i dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing?? I've lost my train of thought. *sigh* okay. i went back to work this month as well.


JANUARY--Happy New Year. Happy 1st Anniversary to us.... both of which we rung in w/ Kristin & Derek lol. The end of the month was Gabbi's first road trip to see Aunt Cindy, Uncle Kevin, and our cousin Gracie. She did SO well!!


FEBRUARY-- Happy Bday Dustin! Gabbi had her first solid foods... beginning a neverending, ever-increasing love & desire for food. lol. She can't get enough food, really. Second set of shots this month also. Then a random fever virus for about a week near the end of the month. But we never did figure out what it was. She recovered extrememly well, it was just kinda here and gone. She's such a healthy girl! Dustin & I went to Clear Creek Bible College this month, because we were seriously praying about and really "set" on going to school next fall. We drove up to "tour" (which took an entire 5 minutes) the campus and see what it offered. We really were set on it... but still prayed and searched God's will, and He gave us no peace about it in the long run. For several reasons we decided it was not His timing for us to go to school. Kinda crazy, because we were so "sure" it was what we were going to do... but our Lord is so faithful to reveal Himself to us when our true desire is His will. What a good God we serve.


MARCH-- Okay, so if we're staying here we must buy a house right? Thus began our search for our first home. Yes. Crazy. I know. We were pre-approved for a loan and even put an offer on one which they turned down. That's okay.... a couple weeks of prayer and house hunting, and the Lord showed us otherwise. So... we're pretty much staying put and waiting upon Him, what better thing is there to do than that??


Gabbi's first Easter was this month.... Easter was a beautiful season for our family. Just a great time to reckon on our Savior and what He accomplished for us on the cross... and seeking Him and what His desire is for us as a family. How His desire for us is to be truly set apart from the world... looking nothing like the world. Following hard after Him.... raising our child(ren) with Him as our rock- and what the REALLY looks like. So many things.... This blog cannot contain.





So now, I have a 6-month-old baby girl who the Lord has used to turn my world upside down.

I dont know where life is headed at this point. Where in the world He is going to send us.... or what we are to do there. But I know this: in January, on the 1st literally, I prayed and prayed over our year. I asked His blessing and He gave me the verse Phil 3:13 "This one thing I do: Forgetting whas is behind and looking forward to lies ahead." That has been my verse for 2008, thus far. I just want to know Him deeper. I want to be the wife & mother He has called me to be... and oh, has He been so faithful. He's teaching me. I'm learning. Some things are painful. All things are glorious!

I want to write about what goes on. Truly. I do.