Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Today has been an odd day. A great day, but just different. My thoughts on the election will maybe be in a later post... but currently, I feel peace.
No, I do not support Barack Obama. I believe Romans 13:1-5 is a command to submit to the authority of the government, not a command to support it. Until the day that Obama falls at the feet or my Savior, and his policies follow my Savior's commands as well, I will never support Barack Obama. That's all I will say for now... This was not the point of this blog, but I could get carried away.
I have peace though... only because my peace comes from One so much greater than any authority in this world.

I feel like sometimes my life goes through themes... and during these periods there are songs I fall in love with. Theme songs- so cheesey- that's a joke.
Anyone who is married must know marriage is so hard. Someone I greatly admire, a preacher by the name of Paul Washer, once explained it in a way I will not do justice. But so many people say that God made their spouse just for them, to make them a better person, to complete them, etc. This is not an entirely true statement. Yes- I fully believe God has ordained Dustin to be my husband from eternity past. But he has characteristics in him, that touch every never in my body... drive me crazy even. Those things in him are to peal away layers of myself that do not please to Lord. To make me look more like Christ. When two fallen people come together in marriage, apart from Christ, it is going to be a disaster.
I'm so thankful for Christ. With the world shouting from every angle lies from the pit of hell- "you deserve to be happy, it's all that matters" "you do whatever is right for you" "if he treats you bad, leave him"- no wonder the divorce rate is nearing, if not passing, 50%.
Dustin and I have had our share of hard days already. They say the first two years of marriage are the hardest... I could attest to that, even though we haven't made it to are third yet. With getting engaged, married, and have our first child all within one life-altering year, how could it be anything but hard.

That brings me to the song. I wasn't crazy about it at first... most songs I'm not crazy about at first, but totally cynical (God is working on me about that). When I saw the movie "Fireproof" it totally changed my perspective of this song. If you haven't seen Fireproof... go see it. It is without a doubt (aside from the Chronicles of Narnia, but really it's incomparable b/c it's totally different) the best movie I have ever seen. This song played at the end. There really is so much truth in these lyrics.

Warren Barfield: love is not a fight
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

So Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

So much truth. It's a current favorite.
Maybe I'll be better about blogging these next few days.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set You glory above the heavens." Psalm 8:1

We went camping this weekend, and I picture the enormous mountains and the blanket of bright stars across the sky as I read this verse. Oh, He commanded the mountains the rise up and they did. He commanded the stars to hang and shine, and they did. His creativity and beauty amaze me. I can't imagine and God that is even more beautiful than the stars in the sky... but He is.
We went to Bandy Creek in Oneida. Which is apparently one of the darkest places in the eastern US b/c there is no big city really near to it. So it's one of the best places to look at stars- or so they say. I mean, I would believe it. I don't know if I've ever seen stars that clear in my life. We rode down this long dirt road away from our campsite to this clearing in the woods. Dustin and I (along with Kristin and Derek) lied on the road and just watched the stars. (Probably one of the most "memorable" moments of our marriage). I was just lying there in awe of our great God... isn't that the point of His creation? He created all things for His glory, so shouldn't we just give Him glory when we wonder at His creation? I just love it. So we were lying there for a few minutes and I said quietly to myself (but Dustin did hear me) "Lord, please let me see a falling star tonight!" A few minutes later, a star fell from the sky... then another... then another... then another! Four falling stars within minutes of each other!! I was so excited I was practically in tears. I was telling Dustin "Did you hear me? Did you hear me ask the Lord for a falling star?? And then He gave me four!" Dustin replied "Yeah, I heard you. You asked the Lord and you know what He said? 'That's My daughter, and I love her SO much, and she wants to see a falling star, so I'm going to give that to her'. Then He called the star by name, and commanded it to fall, at it obeyed joyfully." The star, when commanded, said "YES LORD." It obeyed Him, and was happy to do so... oh to be like the stars in the sky! Who joyfully and willingly obey our God in everything!
It was an amazing night.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

So it's been a really long week.
My parents moved Monday- literally the first time of my life I've been away from them. It's been hard. I just feel like I'm in a "dry" place with the Lord this week. I was explaining to someone that, when I've read this week, I feel like I'm not retaining anything. And when I've prayed, for the first time in my walk with the Lord it's like my prayers have hit the roof. I know He's there, I just can't sense Him there. Yesterday I was just overcome with sadness and I just didn't feel like doing a thing. But I knew it was not His desire for me to just sit all day and do nothing. I was home all day Tuesday and yesterday morning... I needed out of the house. So I called my "Nanny Betty"- she's my surrogate grandmother here in Knoxville :) I spent a few hours with her yesterday afternoon and was just so thankful the Lord gave me that time- it was like a breath of fresh air. We talked some, just sat some in silence (which I love. It's something about elder women who have walked with the Lord for some time... they can just be quiet and it's not awkward. Like me, I'm young and not so mature in Christ, I feel a constant need to just fill silence with words.)... we sat in the swing in the front yard and walked in the garden. Gabbi loved it too... she was so good, and just let Nanna Betty love all over her. She told me something so simple, yet so profound... first, she just reminded me that even in this time God is present with me, she reminded me that He'll never leave nor forsake me. Which I know, but it's always good to be reminded. Then she said this: Maybe during this time He may not be revealing Himself to me, to see if I'm going to trust Him even when I don't sense His presence. We can't base our relationship with God on experience after experience, on our emotions. Pastor has said several times that our feelings are so fical... this I know, but I must trust God more than I trust my couch! Never once have I ever sat down on my couch and wondered if it was going to hold me... yet I question my all-powerful Father? Oh Lord, forgive me!

Dustin started his new job with Greg this week. He absolutely loves it, and really sees a future in it. It's really exactly what we've been praying for... for him to be able to learn a "trade" that will continue to provide for us in the future. I even started a part-time at-home job this week. Filling out addresses and stuffing envelopes. God is just providing for us continually. He is so faithful... over and over again.

Gabbi is officially- as of this past weekend- walking full speed ahead. She's unstoppable now! It was so funny watching her walking with Kate Willis today. Kate is 13months and Gabbi is just 10, she looks so tiny walking beside Kate- who is almost a head taller than her.
It's 7 weeks until Gabbi's first birthday- that is incredible to me!
Where does the time go???

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I know I'm from East Tennessee...

So, my daughter is 10 months old today. She is getting SO big! It's unbelievable to process she's gone through this past year. I am amazed at her everyday. She's walking!!! This past week especially she's taken huge steps (literally and figuratively lol). She's going from one side of the room to the other, getting faster and faster. I love it. I love watching her learn and grow.

For a 10month old she's pretty verbal. I'm not saying this b/c every parent wants their kid to be a genius or something, but I do think she's pretty advance. I mean, she's walking you know? But she just babbles non-stop. I wouldn't know really, b/c she's our first, but my mom said even her babbling is "big girl".

Well, like the typical infant, Gabbi has mastered babbling "words" such as "ma-ma-ma-ma" and "da-da-da-da", without really knowing exactly who mama and dada are. Lately, I think she's understanding more, mainly b/c Dustin and I will pat our chests like "cave" man and talk to her like she deaf saying "MA-MA" or "DA-DA" lol. A couple weeks ago, however, my mom was babysitting her. They have a dog named Dexter, whom we've always affectionately called "Bubba". Mom and Gabbi were in the living room, and mom, speaking to the dog says "What are you doing, Bubba?" When to her astonoshment Gabbi repeats "Buh-Buh". Later than evening when Dustin and I showed up, mom retold the story to us. When telling it, she replayed it word for word and said "And then Gabbi goes---" and Gabbi cut her off, filling in the blank herself "Buh-Buh". Hilarious!!!
I know I'm from East Tennessee when my daughter's first word is Bubba!
Only to make the situation "worse".... not only does she babble to word "Bubba", but she knows exactly who Bubba is. We were at mom's today, and Gabbi looked directly and the dog and says "Bubba... Bubba."

Oh my...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

hello all!

i'm here to apologize for how long it has been since i have blogged! here's the excuse: no internet. hopefully SOON we will have our computer and have it hooked up. my parents are going to give us one of there's.... graciously. but there's a few steps i guess that need to be taken care of until then. we've moved... about a month ago. and since we have a new place i'm not here at my parent's nearly as much. and when i am, it's not for as long. so i just don't take the time to sit and blog.

what's new? we have moved, like i said, and it is SO much better than our old place. the Lord just provided for us and He's making it our home (temporarily of course). we've had people over, which i've missed terribely. i love opening up my home to friends and to talk about the Lord and to fellowship! sunday nights the past few weeks we've had friends over after church to hang out and play games... i think we're beginning a tradition.
kristin and derek (some of our very best friends) get home tomorrow!!!!!!! they've been in india all summer on mission, and i really can't believe how quickly the time has gone. i'm beyond thrilled.
lastly... i've been praying about going to the TrueWoman Conference in Chicago since january. first it was a financial thing, we just didnt have the money. then, i realized i could go for a little cheaper, and all the women going already had rooms and everything. i didn't have anyone to room with, and no one could go. so last week i was just talking to the Lord about it, and saying maybe it's just not His will, maybe this isn't my time and i'm not meant to go.... so on. thursday night we went the bethel's and one couple was there that i don't really hang out with much. she was asking me if i was going and i sort of explained to her the situation and she said "well, you can stay with us!" they had a room and everything. i am so thrilled!!! i ordered my ticket today, and cannot wait for october!! it will be here before we know it. i feel like i really need to get my heart prepared to hear a huge word from Him. i love nancy leigh demoss, and some of my favorite singers are leading worship. it's going to be amazing... the Lord has been revealing Himself to me in a great way lately and i'm so thankful He has willed me to go!

speaking of october being here before we know it, gabbi will be one in october. less than three more months! she is getting so big... seriously about to be walking!

it may be another few weeks before i get on here again, but hopefully soon i'll have a computer and internet!
love to all!!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Thoughts on Narnia

Last night we had a "fajita night" with our Lifegroup (Sunday School). Gabbi stayed the night with my parents. I had thought maybe we'd take advantage and go to be early... however, when Daniel and Ashley said they were going to see the new Narnia movie, we got a crazy hair and were out until TWO. Well worth it though.... I think.
First we went by their place (they live in the apartments we are going to moving into). It was pretty exciting to see where we're going to be living. Dustin and I talked about where we'd put our furniture and I started getting visuals of where I'd hang certain things. I'm SO excited!
Then we rode together downtown to the Riviera (sp?). I'd never been to the that theater. I really liked it... it was a cool, spring night and there were outdoor escalators- which I'd never seen. It was just fun. Had we gone earlier I would've wanted to walk around market square and really get the "feel" of being downtown on a spring night. But... the movie was at 10:45 and by the time it was over we were all half asleep and the city was definitely dead.

The movie though... Oh, it was SO good! Equally as good, if not better, than the first. I love the symbolism in it... and how I can see the Christian parallel. On the way home I told Dustin, I really don't know how a non-Christian can get anything out of it. I mean, I guess yeah, they would see them as "good moral ideas" or something. But it is just so clear I don't know how they could deny it. I don't know if that makes sense?
The entire underlying theme is faith, in short. When Narnia was being attacked, Aslan wasn't showing his face to them clearly, and they started to doubt/ stopped believing. (All except Lucy, really). Then they began to do things in their own strength, and failed miserabley. *This is all a brief synopsis of what I took from it* The picture so much resembles our walk with the Lord- when His plan is not completely clear to us, do we still rest in Him? Do we still seek Him and His desires for our lives even when we don't understand? It really spoke to me in our situation right now- or maybe more a week ago.
My favorite scene, and it was truly thought provoking, was when Lucy was reunited with Aslan. One time she was dreaming, the next time was for real and near the end of the movie. The first time though, the flowers and trees around her seemed to come alive and we dancing. And Lucy just laughed and smiled. The second time, when she saw Aslan, she tackled him and they kinda rolled on the ground laughing. I really contemplate this. So often our picture of the Lord is of Him reigning over us, pointing His finger at us when we are in the wrong- possibley even a stern look on His face. Or maybe even if He's not "angry" at us... do we picture Him laughing with us playfully? The Bible says He delights in us. I truly think this is what it looks like for Him to delight in us. I love to think of Lucy's relationship with Aslan in light of mine with God. This morning at church even thinking of me seeing Jesus, tackling Him to the ground and laughing with Him inspired my heart to worship. Oh, how I long to rid this body of flesh, see my King face to face, hold him, laugh with Him... how I long to know His delight in me, even me...

I've told this story a couple times. But I was thinking a couple weeks ago about Gabbi. How I love her more than I ever thought capable, and how my love for her only grows as she grows. How Dustin and I love to watch her as she's growing, learning new things- the first time she rolled over, sat up, and now as she tries SO hard to crawl and is taking new strides each day. Even when she plays, Dustin and I can sit forever watching her, just smiling and practically drooling over her! WE DELIGHT IN HER. God showed me a couple weeks ago the picture: we as Gabbi's parents, Him as our Parent. And if we, being fallen love her and delight in her so much, how much greater HE delights in US. Oh, Father the things You teach me through my child! I loved this image.

The Lord knows my longing to truly know and believe His love for me. He's showing me new things each day. I'm just basking in it... His glory... He's amazing.

Friday, May 16, 2008

"Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.'" Isaiah 35:3-4

I love the mention of anxious hearts... oh, my heart has been anxious. But the Lord is my strength. Yes, He will come and save me. Oh, He rewards those who seek Him!! I've been seeking Him more strongly as of late, and my heart is learning to trust Him. He proves Himself faithful over and over.

Yesterday, we had our third door close on a new job. The last of the landscaping guys that Dustin had worked for said he didn't need anymore workers right now, but he'd "keep him in mind" (as all the others have said). Today though, he (Jeff) called Dustin back and asked him when he'd be able to start working for him. Dustin explained to him that if it would be stable, and if he could get the hours he needs, he could start next week. Then again Jeff said he'll call back tomorrow and let him know. Well, he called back tonight. Dustin missed the call though, but he left a voice mail saying- yes, I can make you stable and get you 45-50 hours a week.
WOW, Lord. That is exactly what we've been praying for for MONTHS!!
Oh, how we've waited- sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently- but waited we have.

He's better than we deserve. An apartment. A new job. We got our tax rebate today. He's so good.

Just giving an update. I'll be updating more soon :) Love to all!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Today started off great.
For the past couple months it's been this battle- I am SO ready to move out of our apartment. One bedroom. No windows (we're in a basement). No bathtub (just a stand-up shower stall). The smallest kitchen imaginable. And our "living room" is our livingroom/ dining room/ laundry room/ office/ and Gabbi's playroom- all in one! It's pretty much impossible to keep clean, really.
The Lord knows our needs. He knows what we can (and can't) afford. I've had to give it to Him over and over... it's been a battle of trusting Him, then taking it back, then trusting Him, then questioning Him. I've told myself that I really believed He wasn't going to give us a new place until I was content with where He had us. Phil 4:11 "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Oh how did Paul do it?? Well, I've been trying. Sometimes, in my own strength, sometimes in His.
It's just been one of the *many* battles I'm wrestling with. Trusting & believing the Lord being the underlying theme. Dustin needs a new job- desperately NEEDS a new job. And everywhere we turn it's a closed door. Oh Lord, in Your timing we know!
I'm praying.... It's a growing time for sure.
With my parents moving this summer... they've already had an offer go through with their house, so it's just a matter of time. And my brother moving... I just feel like my head is spinning.
Oh Katie, pray for me to really practice what you were talking about last night. Face to face with the Lord. Not looking around, or back, face to face- mine to His. That's really been sticking out to me.
Sometimes it's so hard for me to truly believe that His way is the best- that He really wants the BEST for me. When we're living in this cramped apartment, struggling to pay bills (but He provides), and now all my family is moving away... this is the Lord's best for me.
Face to face.
I needed some encouragement. So this morning when Gabbi went down I sat on my bed (also my couch lol.) And opened up my bible and Praying God's Word (Beth Moore). I really didn't even know where to begin... there's so much in my heart and mind that I want to lay out before the Lord that I don't even know how to communicate it with Him. Praise Him that He understands me better than I do.
My phone rings. The apartment complex where we were on a waiting list. They have a place for us! So... the middle of June we will be moving on! And yes, to a place that is twice as big and less expensive (if you can believe it).
How sweet of Him??? Lord, You ARE good. Just to lift up my head when I need it the most. I know He will have a job for Dustin in His time, and He will sustain us until then. I have to believe it.
So I read on in Hebrews. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him" (v. 11:6). It's funny how I always have heard the first part of this verse, but never really focused in on the second part. He rewards those who seek Him. In the MacArthur, the footnotes led to a verse in Chronicles.
"And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve Him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek Him, He will be found by you..." 1 Chron 28:9
I can rest in the fact that He understands every plan and thought. But what does it look like to serve God with a willing mind?? I've been praying for Him to show me that today. A whole heart and a willing mind. Does a willing mind worry about time or space or money? Does it continuously jump from one thought to another about how's and why's and where's? Maybe a willing mind is a mind that is stayed on Him. Any thoughts are welcome ones.

This is just where my thoughts have left me as of now.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Tuesday was my last day at work. Oh, what a freeing feeling!!! I can stay at home with my baby now- always, everyday! My heart is overjoyed at what the Lord has for me at home. I've been learning so much about who He created me to be as a woman- a helper to my husband and all that entails; a mother to my child(ren) and all that entails. It can be quite overwhelming... but I know that with Him and His Spirit I will be able to accomplish what I am supposed to.
So here begins my journey as a "stay-at-home mom". I can't wait to see the things He's going to teach me and where He's going to lead me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Okay. So I know it's been, what, a year???

What can be said about a year?? I dont know... but I do know I desperately want to begin keeping my blog updated. I say that now, and may even begin to do well for a couple months... then I'll probably fall behind again. That's typically how it goes right?

Okay.... so a year... Let's give it a whirl:
JUNE '07-- we moved back to Powell, back into a 1-bedroom basement apartment. Might I add, no windows. Not the greatest of living conditions... but we have a roof over our head and solid four walls, which is better than the greater majority of the world. (oh, and indoor plumming) Who am I to complain?

JULY-- we went to Lynchburg to my grandparents w/ Kristin and Derek. Where I began this downward spiral of intense SWELLING. July was a rough month... physically and spiritually. The Lord began changing some things in me in some pretty hard ways.

AUGUST-- the humidity was aweful and I would've sworn to you that it was a record-breakingly hot summer. Peaking pregnant at the peak of summer is not a desirable combonation. I began working at KPA this month. A real change of pace as far as jobs go.

SEPTEMBER-- Working almost full time hours, being able to wears scrubs to work being 9 months pregnant was nice. But getting little to no sleep wasn't much fun.... had a couple "scares" this month where we found ourselves in Labor & Delivery at some odd hours of the night. But no baby!

OCTOBER-- Gabrielle Elena Haddock made her way into the world on the 9th! My world went through a loop at this point. Things would never be back to "normal" ever again.

NOVEMBER-- with the new addition to hour family came some new shaping and reshaping of my heart. November was the beginning of what I truly beleive was an outpouring of our Lord's Holy Spirit on mine and Dustin's lives. Oh how amazing is He that He does not leave us as He has found us?!?? Peeling away parts that do not please Him, reshaping and molding us to make us into His image. What an amazing and beautiful God we serve. Sooo much to be thankful for!

DECEMBER '08-- praise the Lord our nights got better... as she was sleeping through the night at just 7 weeks old!!! Merry first Christmas, and....... OMG there is something so not pleasant crawling across my floor right now??

....what is that??!?!...... the mystery bug has disappeared. i dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing?? I've lost my train of thought. *sigh* okay. i went back to work this month as well.

JANUARY--Happy New Year. Happy 1st Anniversary to us.... both of which we rung in w/ Kristin & Derek lol. The end of the month was Gabbi's first road trip to see Aunt Cindy, Uncle Kevin, and our cousin Gracie. She did SO well!!

FEBRUARY-- Happy Bday Dustin! Gabbi had her first solid foods... beginning a neverending, ever-increasing love & desire for food. lol. She can't get enough food, really. Second set of shots this month also. Then a random fever virus for about a week near the end of the month. But we never did figure out what it was. She recovered extrememly well, it was just kinda here and gone. She's such a healthy girl! Dustin & I went to Clear Creek Bible College this month, because we were seriously praying about and really "set" on going to school next fall. We drove up to "tour" (which took an entire 5 minutes) the campus and see what it offered. We really were set on it... but still prayed and searched God's will, and He gave us no peace about it in the long run. For several reasons we decided it was not His timing for us to go to school. Kinda crazy, because we were so "sure" it was what we were going to do... but our Lord is so faithful to reveal Himself to us when our true desire is His will. What a good God we serve.

MARCH-- Okay, so if we're staying here we must buy a house right? Thus began our search for our first home. Yes. Crazy. I know. We were pre-approved for a loan and even put an offer on one which they turned down. That's okay.... a couple weeks of prayer and house hunting, and the Lord showed us otherwise. So... we're pretty much staying put and waiting upon Him, what better thing is there to do than that??

Gabbi's first Easter was this month.... Easter was a beautiful season for our family. Just a great time to reckon on our Savior and what He accomplished for us on the cross... and seeking Him and what His desire is for us as a family. How His desire for us is to be truly set apart from the world... looking nothing like the world. Following hard after Him.... raising our child(ren) with Him as our rock- and what the REALLY looks like. So many things.... This blog cannot contain.

So now, I have a 6-month-old baby girl who the Lord has used to turn my world upside down.

I dont know where life is headed at this point. Where in the world He is going to send us.... or what we are to do there. But I know this: in January, on the 1st literally, I prayed and prayed over our year. I asked His blessing and He gave me the verse Phil 3:13 "This one thing I do: Forgetting whas is behind and looking forward to lies ahead." That has been my verse for 2008, thus far. I just want to know Him deeper. I want to be the wife & mother He has called me to be... and oh, has He been so faithful. He's teaching me. I'm learning. Some things are painful. All things are glorious!

I want to write about what goes on. Truly. I do.