The longest blog of my life... Ruthie's Birth Story

30 days young. My sweet baby girl.

I thought I'd finally take some time to share about her entrance into the world.

And that is my "warning"... only proceed in reading if such topics don't make you uncomfortable ;)

It's always been my desire to have my children naturally. However, with Gabbi we had the unfortunate experience of a horrible doctor combined with not being informed enough, which led to her being birthed by C-section. With Catie, I was so focused on being able to have a VBAC that I didn't prepare mentally or physically for a med-free birth. I wish I would have in hind-sight, seeing as how the epidural I caved in to only took on half my body. Her birth really did go well (and quickly) but my lack of preparation made it miserable.

This time around, I decided to truly become informed & prepare for the natural birth experience I have desired for 3+ years. A great friend of mine recommended I watch the documentary Business of Being Born- where my thoughts & ideas on birth were forever changed. I may write more on that topic sometime in the future. But in the mean time I want to suggest every Mommy, soon-to-be Mommy, or one-day-wants-to-be a Mommy to watch this movie... with an open mind. I feel that we, as women in the US, are terribly uninformed about the risks of all the intervention doctors perform.

Anyway, after watching the movie, I ordered Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and read it, sharing much of it with Dustin along the way since he was going to be the one "coaching" me through the whole process. The movie, coupled with reading this book and one amazingly supportive husband, made me so much more at ease with what was inevitably going to happen. So often doctors here in the states look at childbirth as an illness, something that needs to be "treated", something that is dangerous and you need to be terrified of. Don't believe me? Just watch a few episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC- something "tragic" is always happening lol.

(I will insert here that I am fully aware there are legitimate emergencies during childbirth. There are times when C-sections are honestly necessary. For those circumstances- those true emergencies- I am thankful for modern medicine.) These two things reminded me that childbirth is a natural thing, something our bodies were created to do, and it's nothing that you need fear. The Bradley Method taught me to not fight against contractions, no matter how painful, but to remind myself to work with them, relax through them, and to allow my body to do what it was made to do. Of course, Dr Bradley didn't put this anywhere in his "method", but everything constantly brought me back to the Lord. This is how He created me, what He created me to do, so I knew He would enable me to do it.

So I was ready. At 35 weeks I was starting to progress... and I was ready, just prayed she wouldn't come while Dustin was halfway around the world. Well, she didn't.

Dustin came home from a mission trip to Africa when I was 36 weeks... and I was ready.

I finished washing her clothes & ordering her cloth diapers right at 38 weeks... and I was ready.

Finally got her car seat installed at 39 weeks... and I was ready.

Then it came, April 22nd, her "due date"... and it left... I spent Easter Sunday pregnant, sporting the same maternity dress I wore 2 Easters ago when pregnant with Catie! I thought maybe she wanted to be an "Easter baby"... well, she didn't.

Week 41 came... and it left... and I made jokes about this stubborn girl not wanting to be born in April since that's when I told everyone she was coming. The entire week past her due date i spent taking warm baths in the evenings because I read the only thing that would truly help labor come is getting completely relaxed. So that's what I did. Dustin hardly allowed me to lift a finger once he got off work. He spoiled me with foot rubs & saw it as his duty to get me as comfortable as possible. Which, let's face it, is almost IMpossible 9+ months pregnant.

So we waited, and I prayed that God would grant me peace as I waited and began to get impatient. I prayed constantly for discernment and for Him to remind me if I was the one being stubborn in not letting my doctor induce me. I prayed he would honor my desire for no medical intervention... and prayed He would JUST MAKE HER COME!!!! (Yes, that "all caps" truly was the tone of many of my prayers.)

Then it was here, April 31st. I spent that Saturday morning toting both Gabbi & Catie- and my 9+ month pregnant belly to Gabbi's Weeball game since Dustin had to work for the first time in years. It was a stressful day to say the least. I was tired & frustrated and truly was not walking in the Spirit as I should have been. But as always, my husband was amazing, and encouraged me so much when he got home... even though I do know he was beginning to get anxious as well. We talked about going to my appointment Monday morning and letting my doctor know I was willing to be induced then. Was it really worth all the stress we were both under, and the physical pain I was feeling? After all, I could still (potentially) have a pain med-free birth even though I was induced. I took a bath again that night, and as I lay there I prayed, so tossed between my desire for no intervention and my desire for her to just COME! I prayed that if God saw fit, He would just allow her to come before my appointment Monday so I wouldn't even have to make a decision.
After my bath, I went and just laid on the couch. A friend called me around 10 and we talked for several minutes. During our conversation I had a couple contractions that just took my breath away a little... contractions were not abnormal for me, seeing as I had them since about 20 weeks! But this one was a bit painful. We hung up, and at 10:30 on the dot I had a tight pain all across my abdomen, worse than anything I had felt previously. I told Dustin, about it and remember saying "Maybe, just maybe, this is it???" He was pretty calm and said we'll just wait and see, and not to get my hopes up because I had several "Maybe this is it" moments the previous few weeks. Well, the contractions came consistently every 7 minutes for the next hour and a half. Some very painful, some not too bad, but I continued to just lay on the couch and try to relax. At midnight we decided to go on to bed and try to get some sleep, and also to see if it was the real thing. The previous times I had contractions consistently they just went away when I fell asleep. But these were much more intense and I pretty much knew there would be no rest for me. We tried though. Dustin maybe dozed off for 30 minutes. I got up to go to the bathroom several times, each time I got up the contractions intensified, and finally I told him this is it, they're getting worse, they're coming every five minutes, we should call my parents. I moved to the couch because I seemed to be more comfortable there earlier while Dustin got up and got things together, although we still thought it would be a while before we left for the hospital.

The Bradley Method describes labor in 3 emotional stages- 1st is excited. 2nd is serious. 3rd is the "I can't do this" phase. The signs to look for getting ready to go to the hospital are one: the 2nd "emotional" stage of labor, where the mom is very serious, very focused on the contractions. He says she won't be smiling or concerned about anything else going on around her. And two: when contractions are consistently 3 minutes apart. I never had either of those signs. When my parents got there, I was still talking to them between contractions, and asking Dustin to make sure "such and such" was in the bag. My contractions were never consistent. I'd have one or two that were 3 minutes apart, then 7 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 5 minutes. So Dustin kept saying "I just don't think we're ready to go." And while the contractions were intense, and no kidding, the most painful thing I've ever endured.... it wasn't unbearable. To be honest, I kept waiting for them to get worse. As long as I laid there, not moving, on the couch I think I could've handled them for a long while. But I didn't have to... around 2:15 I got up to use the bathroom and the shakes came over me. I wasn't cold, but my body was shaking uncontrollably like I had the chills. I called Dustin to come to me and told him, I think I remember reading your body begins to shake when you go into transition (7-10cm)... but couldn't totally remember. We were trying to think it out when I had another contraction and finally said, "OK, we need to go."

We arrived at St Mary's around 3am... the longest drive to the hospital in my life. There is no getting comfortable or relaxing through contractions in the car. When we pulled in, I admitted that I didn't know if I could do it. If they offer me the epidural, I just may need to take it. Dustin encouraged me that he knew I could... and I remember our previous many conversations about "no means no"... basically, I told him not to let me cave and he said he wouldn't.

When we got into triage, I prayed to be at least 5cm. Please be at least 5cm. The nurse checked me, then said, "Well, we're going to get you into a room because you're... uh, 9 centimeters!" My mom and Dustin gasped with excitement while I became terrified instantly. There's no option now for the epidural, and I am not prepared to push this girl out!

The next hour in the room went by so fast. I was laying there working through the worst part of labor as people were running in and out getting ready for delivery. The doctor came in- mine was out of town so Dr Edmonds delivered her, she actually has delivered a few of my friends' babies. I was so pleased with her, actually like her better than my own doctor. So that truly was from the Lord. When Ruthie dropped and I was ready to push, she just let me stay how was comfortable for me. The next couple minutes were the most intense and indescribable pain of my life- but considering I only pushed through two contractions versus the near 45mins I did with Catie, I prefer the pain. In no time she was here, wailing her way into the world at 4:21am after not even 6 hours of hard labor.

I am so thankful for the Lord's sovereignty and providence over every stage of my pregnancy and delivery. His grace has- and continues- to sustain me. He answered my prayers, granted me the desire of my heart, and has given me more than I can ever imagine- in the blessing of an amazing husband & 3 beautiful daughters. Life is... different... these days. It's been an emotional ride these past 4 weeks, but I love being a mommy. I love my girls & all that comes with taking care of them! I thank God for what a responsibility I have and pray I'll bring Him much glory through my motherhood- and that in turn my daughters will bring Him much glory in their lives as well. After all, that is the chief end of our existence.

37 weeks.... and counting!

They say Baby is about the size of a watermelon... and I would not argue!!

Definitely getting a bit more anxious and ready for her to get here. I have officially begun to "waddle" and feel like a cow. Ha! I'm perpetually uncomfortable... I signed up for all this. Expected all this. Not complaining about any of it. She is worth every sleepless night, every bit of heart burn, every ache & pain. However, what I was not expecting nor did I signed up for was pulling a muscle!!! I pulled a muscle two nights ago while putting on my pants. Yes, I said putting on my pants. Wow. I'm that huge. I don't know what muscle, but it's somewhere around where my right leg connects to my hips. Really low, where all my excess 30lbs sits. Paaaaainful! I try to rest & it starts to feel better, but going up and down the stairs (something that I cannot get around doing) gets it hurting all over again. Even when I'm laying down or sitting it hurts to move my right leg. I (sadly) have to literally take my hands and move my leg with my hands. Crazy! But... what can I do? It will all be over soon.

Went to the doctor yesterday. I'm still *not quite* 1cm dilated, but she did notice I'm progressing in other ways. That's good news! This is the soonest with either of them I've ever had changes. I'm not the biggest fan of my doctor, which I really hate to say. I loved her with Catie since she was willing to let me have a vbac. But this time around I've noticed more things I dislike. She's very "by the book" as far as "modern medicine" goes, (you know, all the interventions and everything) and I just tend to want to do things more..... naturally. She wants to induce me so bad she can't stand it- and has brought it up the past 3 appointments. I guess it really is rare anymore that someone actually does want to go into labor on their own. Who would want to wait when the doctor is willing to induce you a week before your "due date"? Well... me :) It took a little convincing to even get her to let me go up to two weeks past my "due date" to induce me, if it comes down to that. I don't think I'll have to worry about it though, Catie came one day before her's.

Seriously going all crazy and wanting a home birth next time around. Yes. It's true. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there!!

Anyway, here's my little survey thing for 37 weeks:

Weight Gain/Loss: right at 31lbs this last appt I think
Maternity Cloths? Of course!
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Being comfortable. Any Mommy knows that point in pregnancy where you're just not comfortable. No matter what. Ever.
Weekly Wisdom: 36 weeks pregnant is not most ideal time for your hubby to go on a mission trip to the other side of the world :) That being said, it was the Lord's will and I would never want to undo that.... just not "ideal".
Milestones: officially full-term!

Sleep? sleeping better since Dustin has been home. Just not very comfortably.
Energy?: I've had more lately. I wish my body could keep up with my energy actually! I've been getting a lot done... blame it on "nesting" hehe
Excercise?: nope. haven't seen this since the 1st trimester but am SO looking forward to getting back to the gym!
Movement?: oh yes! Dustin and I both felt her so much the other night it was sweet. I actually *think* I can make out when I feel a foot or an arm or leg. She rolls around a lot, but is running out of room!
Food cravings?: Still coke & ice. Also, random, but white cheddar cheese puffs (ew, I know). I usually buy the Cheetos baked natural brand. Or this "all-natural" brand called Pirates Booty. I bought them for the girls when they were on sale a few weeks ago, and seriously ate pretty much the whole bag by myself.
What I'm looking forward to:? her being here!! holding her, seeing what she looks like, that newborn baby smell, mmmm :)
Preparations:? I've been doing a lot this past week. A few people have bought her some outfits for summer. I've gone through our newborn clothes & pulled out what she can use. Washed them *there's not a whole lot better than the smell of baby clothes freshly washed in Dreft :)* I've moved Catie into Gabbi's room (except for sleeping- she's such a good sleeper I'm scared to do that!). I've ordered some smaller sized cloth diapers for her & gotten them washed and ready. We've done a deep-clean of our bedroom (it's needed it! Our bedroom seems to be what's always put on the back-burner!), preparing to put the baby bed up tomorrow. Got the car seat out & washed it up. And altogether, I've just been staying more on top of things: laundry, keeping toys put in their places, vacuuming, everything. Which, truly has been good of me since I'm neither neat nor organized. Just really want to keep everything under control because she could come at any time. Still to do: pack hospital bag, pack diaper bag, put the car seat in the van & put up the bed (which should be done by tomorrow).
Best Moment this week:? Dustin coming home Sunday!! Oh my goodness, best moment ever!!!

Photo Challenge Break

I guess I'm a bit behind in this 30 Day Photo Challenge... it's probably going to be a little more like a 90 day challenge for me. That's okay. I've been occupied with more important things.

It's been a sick time in our house these days.

I broke down and went to the doctor on Monday after not feeling well off & on for about two weeks... then really building up all week last week. I had/ have a sinus infection, that turned into bronchitis. It's interesting because almost exactly a year ago I had the exact same thing. I guess it's just something I'll have to plan for next year :)

Both the girls have had yucky colds that have turned into nasty coughs. I'm just waiting it out before I take them to the doctor- I hate to be one who rushes to the doctor at the first sneeze. They haven't had fevers, or trouble breathing/ sleeping/ eating... so I'm not too concerned.

Catie has actually been sleeping better! She is still taking two naps! Two long naps! Gabbi moved to one nap right after she turned one... so this is just crazy for me with Catie being almost 18 months. I'm praying it even holds out until the baby gets here. How wonderful would it be if she's still taking two naps then?! The only thing is- Dustin and I were talking about last night- we were kind of wanting to move her into a "big" bed in Gabbi's room before the baby came. Because once she moves out of our room, Baby will go into Catie's room & crib. Well, Catie is such a good sleeper!!! Yes she stills has her paci, and yes she's still in her crib... all of which Gabbi was done with by 18 months. She was paci-free & in a toddler bed. And actually, when she turned one, we took the paci away for all but nap & bed time. Well right now, if you come to our house at any given time of day, you are 80% sure to find the paci in Catie's mouth. She is soooo very attached. I mean, no rush. I'm not too concerned that she still has it. We seemed to have rushed everything with Gabbi. Yet, at the same time, she sort of rushed herself. She's always seemed older to me than she actually is. She is just such a go-getter.... walking full speed (and I mean even climbing equipment at the park) at ten months old. Not exaggerating. I can't even really remember when she started talking, it just seems like she came out talking! But she was definitely already saying sentences and carrying on mini conversations at 18 months. Even today she's a go-getter... she rarely sits still, a complete bundle of energy! Always dancing around, or singing songs, or playing with imaginary friends.

Catie, on the other hand, is super laid back. When we go to a park, while I can just *blink* and lose Gabbi (scary, yes), Catie takes several minutes standing beside me & just watching everyone before she warms up to playing.

I love how different they are.

I've also done things differently with them. Sometimes I feel like we had been too hard on Gabbi. Part of my old mentality that the Lord has so sweet delivered me from this past year. "If I do A + B, I will get a result of C". I was rigid with the scheduling-- I know, I'm sure I have some super-structured moms reading that are still schedulers, and that's perfectly OK... It's just not for us. Which, if "2 year ago me" were to read those words, I'd probably have to pick my jaw off the floor. Because I was just so sure there is yes, a RIGHT way and a WRONG way. Scheduling was the right way. I'm just not there anymore. I do believe kids needs structure... I just don't think letting a 3 month "cry it out" is the way (Even though I do believe there is a time & place when a baby/ toddler needs to cry it out). Wow I sure sound like a walking contradiction right now?

Anyway I'm just not a super structured, organized, type A personality. I like the flexibility I have with my kiddos. They sort of make their own schedules eventually anyway. The thing that makes me laugh is I was such a stickler with the schedule with Gabbi... and a bit more lenient with Catie (kind of half schedule/ half flexibility)- she rarely cried it out- and Catie is my good sleeper. I foresee making my hubby cringe & throwing schedules out the window with #3... :) *kidding. kinda.*

Well, we bought bunk beds today! Even though I'm not sure when we'll put Catie in it, it is something that needed to be done.

Dustin asked me when my next dr appt was, and he was shocked when I told him Friday. Yes, I am every 2 weeks now. Only for 2 more appointments & then I'll go weekly. He leaves for Africa three weeks from Friday. While he's gone I'll turn 36 weeks. When he gets back it could be any day... YIKES!

Time is flying & I feel so unprepared.

Praying for a productive month in March.... the last full month before our Charity Ruth arrives!

Hello 3rd Trimester!

Charity Ruth is our little eggplant!

I cannot believe we've now officially entered the third trimester. Sometimes I feel like I've been pregnant forever, then other times it's just flown by! Everything is going well. I'm still contracting, but they're still not doing anything. I have a feeling it's just going to be this way for the rest of the pregnancy, and that's okay, as long baby girl stays put!

Today, I had the ever-pleasant glucose test, which came back negative. Fortunately. It's been negative with each pregnancy, so I wasn't too concerned, I just can't stand the thought of having to drink the juice a second time. But, the doctor's office did call to tell me my Vitamin C and Iron are both low & I need to take supplements. Maybe the low iron explains my constant lethargic feeling... I was just blaming that on the pregnancy altogether. The Vit C, however, I don't get. I drink orange juice almost every morning. That's not enough though, I suppose. Anyway, just thankful for a (mostly) good report from the doctor! At least Baby's healthy, even if Momma is lacking in the vitamin area.

This week I've been thinking about her name, and how I think I want her to be called Ruthie. Maybe it's because Ruthie was in the running with both our first girls. Or maybe because I seem to have this thing about naming our girls something, and calling them something else: Gabrielle is Gabbi & Caitlin is Catie. Ruthie is also what I called her for a short period of time before Dustin wanted to talk about names... kinda just to get him to talk about it with me :) Maybe we'll wait until she gets here to fully decide.

I've seen a couple of my friends do these little things during their pregnancies, and thought I'd join in on it!

Weight Gain/Loss: right about 20lbs so far... but feels like a whole lot more!
Maternity Cloths? Yes definitely. I was actually able to hold off wearing them for what seems like the longest amount of time this time around. Sadly, some of my pants that are size "mediums" are feeling a bit snug...
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Working out and running. Snuggling up close to my man... the belly just makes most everything more difficult.
Weekly Wisdom: From my sweet 3-year-old "Charity is making your belly really BIG, Mommy!" So wise :)
Milestones: Third trimester!

Sleep? what sleep?
Energy?: what energy?
Excercise?: what exercise? okay, there seems to be a pattern here! :) seriously though, keeping up with my two little ones is a good amount of exercise for a day.
Movement?: She moves like crazy, and is actually doing some gymnastics right now.
Food cravings?: plain ole coca-cola. I have no idea why because I don't typically like it and rarely ever do I drink carbonated drinks, but I love it right now... with lots of ice that I enjoy crunching when the drink is gone (that's been a common thing in all my pregnancies)
What I'm looking forward to:? Gabbi getting to feel her kick. The timing's never worked out yet, but she actually told me yesterday that she wanted to feel her move. So sweet :)
Preparations:? Sadly, nothing :( That's been the hardest thing so far about having a third girl. I'm thrilled beyond belief about having another little girl... but I have nothing to do!! Her room is ready (she's going to have Catie's room, and Gabbi & Catie will room together). She has clothes. She has toys... she has more than everything she needs. She is absolutely as special as her two older sisters, but I feel like because I've done nothing to prepare, that it doesn't seem as special. I told Dustin I think I want to use different pacifiers this time (we've used the same brand with both girls) just so we'll have to buy her something different from the other two! How silly :)
Best Moment this week:? Our bathroom is finally finished! This is absolutely not pregnancy related, but glad it's done before the baby gets here! Our hall bath that has been mid-renovation for a year, is finally done!

Day 6: Photo Challenge

Person I would like to trade places with for a day.

OK, so this took forever to think of, because honestly, I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone for a day. I guess just keep in mind while reading that this is totally hypothetical because of that fact. I've thought of several people. Maybe one of my friends that doesn't have any kids so I could just sleep all day?... but just because they don't have kids doesn't necessarily mean they sleep all day. One of my kids so I could just play (and if I wanted to, sleep) all day, and see what life is like from their perspective?... no, I really wouldn't want to do that actually. One of my old dogs we had growing up, because, let's face it, spoiled pets have "the life".... but it's supposed to be a "person". I even thought of a cartoon character, just to be goofy... but then the thought of being in a cartoon world for a day kind of freaked me out. So then I thought of Dustin. But when I say my husband is the one I'd like to trade places with for a day, I don't really mean it... ;) There really is no one I'd want to trade places with... but I'll go with it for the sake of the "challenge".

I suppose the reasons it would be interesting to trade places with Dustin are obvious. I stay at home with the kids all day, and he works at an office all day. We never really have the "whose job is harder" argument, because he tells me all the time mine is. I win, hands down ;) But I still would like to gain some perspective of where he's at all day & what he deals with. Just because my "job is harder", I still have some idea that he does have stress that he deals with. Then again, sometimes I feel like he would do better at my job than I do. Maybe if he were home for a day, when I got home the house would actually be clean and the family out of pajamas...??? Hmm... then again, maybe not :) Also, if this hypothetical exchange were to happen sometime in the next 3 months, I'd like him to experience what it's like being pregnant in the third trimester... and why I'm constantly asking him for a neck or foot rub, or how I'm not being ridiculous about my hyper-sensitive sense of smell, or how absolutely uncomfortable it is when your hands swell, or why it takes me forever to get comfortable and fall asleep... And I'd like to have just a day's break from being pregnant- to go for a nice, long run, where regular clothes, and perhaps have a glass of wine. (*gasp* yes, I said it.) OK, this sounds like complaining. I'm absolutely not trying to complain, and am typing all this with a smile on my face. I just think the fact that I'm pregnant adds an interesting spin on this hypothetical situation. And anyway, complaining about the discomforts of pregnancy is so overdone. I've prayed this pregnancy for God to enable me not to do it. "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" (Phil 2:14).... this includes pregnancy :) I know there are women who would give anything to be pregnant right now, and struggle with it. I'm thankful getting pregnant has never been an issue for Dustin and I, how could I complain? I'm thankful for a healthy baby girl & that I have the privilege of bonding with her before she even enters the world.

OK, I also didn't mean for this to go into the joys of pregnancy :) So I'll just leave it at that!

Jesus is the reason... so then what?

I am in disbelief that Christmas is two days away! This week has been busy- finishing up gift shopping & grocery shopping... not great on the "staying off my feet" orders for the doctor, but what is a Mommy to do?!

I went to see my doctor again Tuesday. It was a good visit, and gave me peace of mind after having a lot of contractions last weekend. Still no change and Charity is still growing so well with a strong heartbeat! But she wants me to be back in two weeks to do a fetal fibronectin test to tell whether I am likely to go into preterm labor. I'm thankful we have such a thorough doctor, whose concerns are the same as mine! What a night & day difference from the doctor we had with Gabbi.

Anyway, here I sit, one baby sleeping & the other running a couple errands with her Daddy. Dustin showed up at 1:00 this afternoon, a surprise to me & the girls! He said hardly anyone was at work today and he found himself just chatting and visiting with everyone at the office, so he thought he may as well come home :) And he's off until Jan 3rd! What a blessing to have him home with us!

I should probably be laying down or napping right now since the house is unusually quiet, but I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind that have been leaving me blank the past several days. Then I read today's post on the True Woman blog, and it left me even more confused. Celebrating Christmas in an unbelieving home my whole life (even though we would have said we were believers), Jesus was the afterthought of Christmas. Or, yes He was the "reason" for the season... so thank You, Jesus for being born so we can eat good food and have lots of presents. I don't know how my parents afforded to give us so much for Christmas, but we were spoiled. My mom and dad never did the whole "Santa" thing real big, but we weren't missing him with all the stuff we got. I did love those times as a kid, being with all my family. I do have good memories, but they simply don't include Christ.

When we came to know Christ, however, it all shifted... as it should have. And now every year I know Him, He reveals to me more and more what all happened that night He was born. How truly amazing it is. How unbelievable that my High King would humble Himself to the point of becoming a human... and even "less" than merely human... a baby! Who would cry, and hunger, and need His nose wiped, His bottom wiped, be utterly dependent on a young, teenage girl... What humility! He was fully human (without ceasing to be fully God). He did this because there was no other way we could be with Him. Yet He wanted us with Him.... me... He wanted me to be His, so He came. Wow. Hallelujah! He's shown me that, and so much more.

Dustin and I, we want our children to grow knowing the so much more part of Christmas. The part of Christmas that is greater than any Doll house or Princess nightgown they could unwrap. But how??? That is my question... how???

When we were married, especially after Gabbi was born, we decided we weren't going to do Santa. While I think there is absolutely no benefit- and not only no benefit, we believe it takes away from Christ- I'm not going to go on and on about how terrible you are if you do Santa with your kids. Because you're not. I just ask you to consider where we are coming from.

We just decided- besides the fact that it's lying- there is no gospel in "Santa Claus". There are too many similarities between God and "Santa"- they both are omniscient, all knowing & omnipresent. They both know when you're good and bad, but want you to be good, etc. Despite all their similarities, they are very different on the most important thing... If you are good for "Santa" he rewards you with all these presents! But if you are bad, you get nothing- or coal- or (as is the case in most homes, I'm sure) you still get stuff without consequences... That is so unlike our God. No one is deserving of the gifts we get. We could never be good enough for God, yet He bestows His blessings on us because of His grace... and there are consequences for sin. That is why Jesus had to come in the first place! Aside from this one major issue, there were a couple "smaller" reasons... We were also troubled with the idea that our kids' whole childhood we would say "Santa is real. God is real. Santa sees you when you're sleeping. God sees you when you're sleeping. Santa sees everything you do. God sees everything you do." Then one day our child finds out the truth about Santa, and they come to us and say "...so what about God??" Finally, we believe it takes away the glory God deserves for His provision. The kids wake up bright and early Christmas morning, ready to open all the presents, there's so much excitement, and when all the gifts are opened they shout what? "Thank you... Santa???" When the Lord is truly the one deserving the thanks and praise for what He has allowed us to get.

Ok, so we don't do Santa... we know that's not going to the one answer for having our children understand the "so much more". Dustin and I also have talked in the past about the amount of stuff we get our children. Since we don't want presents to be the driving focus of the holiday, we decided that our children will get three gifts from us. Jesus got three gifts, they'll get three gifts. Well, that's from us... then there are aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, friends, so on and so on... they still get them stuff. And we're not so stick-in-the-mud that we're going to say "please, don't get our kids gifts" (not that you're a stick-in-the-mud if that's what you do!). I love giving gifts! I love picking out something I just know someone is going to love- especially my daughters- and the anticipation of seeing their face when they open it. I'm not going to take that away from someone. And let's face it, little girls are FUN to shop for. This is the first year where Gabbi really knows what's going on. Which makes it fun. It also makes it all the more troubling. Everyday she's asked me "is it Jesus's birthday yet??" (because I told her we'll open presents on Jesus's bday). She thinks every present I wrap is for her. I've even had to re-tape a gift or two because of her anxiousness. It's cute. Yes. So sweet. Yes... but how do I make her really understand? I know at 3, she's only going to understand so much. But as they grow, how do I make them understand it's not about the gifts that will one day perish, the gifts that will still leave you empty no matter how much you get... it's about The Gift??

We started doing Advent candles this year, with little Gabbi-sized devotions. I'm loving it. It's truly been some of my favorite times as a family so far. Gabbi listens as her Daddy reads from the bible and the Jesus Storybook Bible. She talks about it. She does get that Jesus was born, and we open gifts on His birthday. I just want it to be so much more than the presents. I want our children to truly cherish the time with our family, to cherish Christ & His coming... over gifts. I'm sure every Christian mom wants that. I just am at a loss on how to get there. Part of me thinks it won't really happen until they know Christ. Part of me says, they're kids & kids will always be excited about presents. True. I just think there is a balance somewhere. I'm welcome to (and actually asking for) everyone's thoughts on the subject.

Baby News & My Amazing Hubby

He is absolutely amazing.

The weird thing about marriage, is when you are dating/ engaged/ newly married there is so much emotion involved that you don't think you could love them anymore than you do right then. Which, if you are taught correctly, you are aware those emotions will fade. True. Very true. In almost 4 years of marriage, I can state that as fact. I was prepared for it. But what I wasn't prepared for, something I don't think anyone could prepare me for or even describe, is the love that replaces those emotions. A love that can only grow over handfuls of arguments, long late-night pillow conversations, children, several different homes, tears, laughter... Everything that makes up a marriage.

After seeing his huge grin last night when he felt Charity (yes, Baby has a name now!) kick for the first time, I just looked at him and said "I love you... more and more... I just never thought that possible."

But isn't that what it should be like? If our marriage is supposed to represent Christ and the Church? The more I learn about my husband- the man God has made him and is growing him to be-- the more I love him. Just like the Lord. The more I learn about Him and know Him, the more time I spend with Him and the more He shows me who He is-- the more I love Him.

We went to the Doctor yesterday... finally... after he'd been wanting me to call for 2 weeks.

Two weeks ago, while singing during the Missions Conference at church I started cramping, real painful cramps. But there were no other symptoms of anything being wrong, and eventually while sitting during the sermon, they went away. Since then, every other day or so (sometimes more frequently) I've felt the same cramping, sometimes not as painful, but it feels just like contractions. I told Dustin, and he immediately wanted me to call me doctor. Because I was just 18 weeks, I was just thinking "there's no way I could really be contracting?" But one night a few days ago I felt the same cramps when I was lying on my back in bed. When I put my hand on my stomach my whole lower abdomen was hardened. So finally last Friday or Saturday I told him I'd call first thing Monday.

We went, and although I'm thankfully not starting to dilate this soon, my doctor was still concerned. She said if I start dilating I'll definitely be put on bed rest. For now though, I'm on "modified" bed rest. No lifting my babies, no lifting anything really, no strenuous housework, being off my feet as much as possible. Of course, I'm going to rest as much as I can... but seriously, how much can you rest at home with a 3 and 1 year old?
Well, my sweet husband didn't even blink when my doctor looked at him and said "This means you will have to do a lot more around the house for her!" So last night I didn't even get off the couch to get a drink of water. (Even though I don't think it would hurt me to do that.) When I had to get up to go to the bathroom, he said "Wish I could to that for you too!" :) He knows what it will mean the next several weeks. Even though I still want to help out and do some things, he's pretty much against me doing anything that's not necessary.
He just so wonderful. Despite whatever "differences" we've had to work through, and still do, we're both learning and growing. He's such a good daddy & loving husband. He loves both his little girls so much. Where some husbands would probably show some "disappointment" with a third girl on the way, he just can't wait. I am so thankful to God for him. The Lord knew just what I needed in a husband and chose Dustin for me... to journey along with me and help me grow in so many ways.