I just need to learn how much I can do. When I actually feel good I want to get stuff done, like go somewhere, or clean or something. Then I always end up feeling aweful. Last night was the funeral for Ashley's grandmother... I was so thankful because I was able to go, but when we got home I was just worn out. This morning I did laundry, scrubbed down our kitchen and straightened some things up... and now I'm feeling so sick again. Anyway, that's besides the point.
I had an amazing time with the Lord this morning.
**There's something about when I have my quiet time outside... I used to when I was living with my parents; I'd sit on the porch and read. Since it was gorgeous day I sat out on our porch and read and prayed. You know there's just so much going on right now... I just got married. We haven't even had a chance to really get settled in our house and get it painted and make it our "own" before-BAM- I'm pregnant. Sick. Laying on the couch and really unable to be of much help to anyone. (It's depressing sometimes). And in 8 months there's gonna be a new LIFE in our house. Incredible. The Lord really showed me this morning- there's no way I'm going to be able to make it without relying on Him fully. There's no way I'm not going to be so completely stressed out and a nervous wreck if I don't give it to Him. He cares about me... so I must cast my worries upon Him. Little stuff like the fact that I've needed to put a load of towells in the wash all week does stress me out. So I gave it all to Him this morning... the fact that I want to finally finish painting, the fact that I need to mop our floors again, the laundry, the bills, everything... I just gave it to Him. When I worry about this stuff, it bothers Dustin because then he feels like he needs to do that much more to make up for what I can't do right now, which does effect our relationship. I can't allow it to do that. So instead of complaining to Dustin about what I can't do right now, I just gave it all to my Father. I really feel like a load's off.
**There is so much that God wants to teach me through all of this. This whirlwind of complete life changes right now... so terribley He wants to draw me to Himself... I have to let go of all my expectations and let Him. He's so faithful, so wonderful... oh, I just fell in love with Him all over again this morning... He works all things together for good. I love to cling to that promise. It's a promise because He said it, and it's true, and it will happen.
**I've been reading through Exodus. It's probably one of my favorite books. It's amazing how every single thing that God said was going to happen, happened. How Pharoah thought he was in control of Egypt, and everything that was going on, but he had no power. How the Lord planned everything according to His will, and it was done. That's exactly my situation (except... I'm not in Egypt nor am I holding Israel captive)... but I think things are going to go according to my plan, that I have some sort of control over our house, or the next 8 months, or our child. But I don't and God's will will be done.
Just for everyone (I can say that since I have a whole 3 readers now! lol) Carmichael wasn't nearly my favorite either. That was just part of the brainstorming process. Dustin actually like Gabrielle Danu also. It's different I know, but it is special to me because it's Kenyan. Laura, yeah, I know that no matter how much I say they will or won't be called whatever I know it's gonna happen somewhere down the road- I do think Gabbi's cute, but I like Ellie. I was halfway joking when I said "he will not be called Joey" and so on... Yeah Briana, most of the time before I do something I ask AnnaLisa since I haven't gone to the doctor yet. I'm actually not changing a whole lot that I do before I go next week.
**I had a 2nd dream last night that it was a girl. Bri, I'm starting to have this strong sense that it's gonna be a girl... and I'm about 50% sure that I'm right! lol. Dustin and I got in a (play) "fight" last night because I'm starting to think it's a girl and he's just "so positive" it's a boy. I can't wait to find out.
I know this weather is probably not nearly as warm as Mexico. When I was there in March last year, the morning's were pretty chilly, to where- when I walked to the Oxxo like every morning at 7- I had to still wear a jacket, but it was still so beautiful out... and you could tell later it was going to be warm. That's how it was yesterday morning. When I stepped out in the morning it was a little chilly, but later it was in the 50s. So yeah, it just reminded me of walking to the Oxxo for coffee :) But I do miss Mexico and want so badly to go...
**Prayer Request** Brent Hodson is leading a trip to Kenya in May, and Dustin's praying about going... but he's also is feeling led to Brazil. We're not sure when the Brazil trip is going to be. It was going to be in April, but Dan Amanns said what the was planning fell through. Financially, we can't afford either of them. So pray for God's leading and assurance of what He desires Dustin to do, and for His provision.
As for me, I'm waiting upon the Lord... I was also praying about going to Brazil this year. But, apparently I'm not supposed to eat foreign foods when I'm pregnant lol. I'm enjoying TELL, and going out evangelizing with Betty Amanns. She's about the most godly woman I know, and I'm learning a lot from her. I know that for now, right here is where the Lord has me... but I'm not going to lie, I cannot wait for when He calls us up from the states and places us somewhere else. There is no feeling in the world to me like serving the poor and powerless and being Christ to the lost. I'm so excited for wherever God calls Dustin this year and for him to experience his first time being on mission overseas.
I was listening to Caedmon's Call this morning while I was cleaning.
High above the valley of Quito
An old man and his bride grow roses
Red and yellow, white and golden,
To him they are precious as children
Their daughter, she moved to America
One more break in the Tower of Babel
She has a son that they've never seen at all
They're praying that they raised her well
On the mountain high
They will live and die
As time just slips away
And the children grow
In the God they know
As time just slips away
A man, his bride, his children, and his roses
Planted in faith
And watered in tears
Honey, that's all they have
And they're happier here
Than any of my friends back home
They met Jesus and they really know Him
Now I'm back at home
And I'm trying to find my thoughts
Of that old man so inspiring
And the TV's always on
And the phone, it won't stop ringing
These bills, they keep on screaming
I'm paying for the things
We never really need
Wonder what he's doing right now?
Maybe walking through his simple field
Thinking about how
God has blessed him so
A man, his bride, his children, and his roses
I've met that "man"... I met many of them in Kenya. We desire that life so much more than "settling down", buying a "nice" house, driving the "nice" SUV, and living the "American Dream" (which is no more than a nightmare). The last verse of that song just makes me cringe. I'm having to remind myself that these desires Dustin and I have aren't desires that we've come up with on our own. The Lord, who placed them there, will see that His will is worked our through us. It's the waiting time that makes me ancy...
Teach me Lord, Teach me Lord, to wait...