Tuesday, May 29, 2007

(for those who haven't heard yet... if there's anyone)
I don't know where to start about covering the past two months, b/c that's how long it's been since I've been on here. Sorry. My mom bought me this book I've been reading... it's about "spiritual preparation" for new moms. I've needed it. It just talks about a lot of stuff that's been on my heart, and backs everything she talks about with scripture. It's so good. She confronts fear- which has been a huge thing for me. And she talks about our baby being IN the will of God- I mean, stuff I know in my head, but reading everything in scripture that talks about children, and talks about them being a blessing from God, and that talks about God creating our child, it just brings it so much more to the heart. I've realized some sin that's been in my heart through this book as well...
Just like with us getting married, there have been people that have been less than excited about us having a baby now too. (I'm not going to name names) But comments they've made, or even the lack of comments they've made, have had my mind going in circles. The first trimester was pretty hard for me- with being sick and the idea of us having a child becoming real to me- it's been hard. I've second guessed a lot of things that I shouldn't. All because of some few people... When really, all the people that "matter" (for lack of a better way to put it) are 100% supportive, excited, and know this child is from God. But just through those few negative people (who do call themselves Christians) Satan was starting this war in my mind.
So about a month or so, maybe more, ago I realized this... started really going to the Lord, and began to get genuinely excited about our baby. He started to deliver me from fear, from second-guessing, from all those things... but I was becoming really bitter toward the people who don't support us and aren't happy for us. I became angry, and in anger, wanted to (pretty much) throw scripture in their face and say "see! now be happy for us!" ....but shortly after feeling that I was convicted. Not saying it's all gone, when I allow myself to I still get pretty frustrated, but the Lord's dealing with me. So you can just pray for me about that :)
On another note, I've felt Gabrielle move a couple times!!! Not lately... but I know it's infrequent in the beginning. Before too long she's going to be kicking me like crazy. I still don't know how to figure out the scanner (sorry Laura) but I will as soon as I can and put up ultrasound pics. It's so funny, the ultra sound tech said she's going to have long skinny feet... I had long skinny feet when I was born and as a kid. Ahhh!!! :-D
Anyway, we heard this song on the radio the other day (an oldie, but goody), and Dustin kinda put his hand on my stomach as we were singing it and now when I hear it (or even sometimes sing it to myself), I picture her, and it's just a prayer on my heart...
In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You", "I want to fall in love with You"...
Okay, I gotta meet Amanda for breakfast this morning, then I'm off to work (don't have to be in till 11 this week and next, so that's a nice break)!!!


Anonymous said...

hey!! i am so excited for you guys, and cant wait for the baby to get here...i hope im not one of the people that "seems" not to support you guys, cuz that is not at all the case. whatever you guys decide, i will stand behind you, and pray for...i got ur backs

love you guys,

Katrina said...

Hey Bekah! I am so excited for you and for the realization that it is truly a blessing and not to pay attention to the people who may think otherwords. =)
I am glad you are over your fears. I can understand that... We kinda had a bit of a scare after the honeymoon, and at first we were like "ah, what would we do? we aren't ready!" but now we are more like "if it happens, it happens... God is in Control of everything!" So YAY for you two! I wish we were closer!!! Can't wait to see more pictures. =)