37 weeks.... and counting!

They say Baby is about the size of a watermelon... and I would not argue!!

Definitely getting a bit more anxious and ready for her to get here. I have officially begun to "waddle" and feel like a cow. Ha! I'm perpetually uncomfortable... I signed up for all this. Expected all this. Not complaining about any of it. She is worth every sleepless night, every bit of heart burn, every ache & pain. However, what I was not expecting nor did I signed up for was pulling a muscle!!! I pulled a muscle two nights ago while putting on my pants. Yes, I said putting on my pants. Wow. I'm that huge. I don't know what muscle, but it's somewhere around where my right leg connects to my hips. Really low, where all my excess 30lbs sits. Paaaaainful! I try to rest & it starts to feel better, but going up and down the stairs (something that I cannot get around doing) gets it hurting all over again. Even when I'm laying down or sitting it hurts to move my right leg. I (sadly) have to literally take my hands and move my leg with my hands. Crazy! But... what can I do? It will all be over soon.

Went to the doctor yesterday. I'm still *not quite* 1cm dilated, but she did notice I'm progressing in other ways. That's good news! This is the soonest with either of them I've ever had changes. I'm not the biggest fan of my doctor, which I really hate to say. I loved her with Catie since she was willing to let me have a vbac. But this time around I've noticed more things I dislike. She's very "by the book" as far as "modern medicine" goes, (you know, all the interventions and everything) and I just tend to want to do things more..... naturally. She wants to induce me so bad she can't stand it- and has brought it up the past 3 appointments. I guess it really is rare anymore that someone actually does want to go into labor on their own. Who would want to wait when the doctor is willing to induce you a week before your "due date"? Well... me :) It took a little convincing to even get her to let me go up to two weeks past my "due date" to induce me, if it comes down to that. I don't think I'll have to worry about it though, Catie came one day before her's.

Seriously going all crazy and wanting a home birth next time around. Yes. It's true. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there!!

Anyway, here's my little survey thing for 37 weeks:

Weight Gain/Loss: right at 31lbs this last appt I think
Maternity Cloths? Of course!
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Being comfortable. Any Mommy knows that point in pregnancy where you're just not comfortable. No matter what. Ever.
Weekly Wisdom: 36 weeks pregnant is not most ideal time for your hubby to go on a mission trip to the other side of the world :) That being said, it was the Lord's will and I would never want to undo that.... just not "ideal".
Milestones: officially full-term!

Sleep? sleeping better since Dustin has been home. Just not very comfortably.
Energy?: I've had more lately. I wish my body could keep up with my energy actually! I've been getting a lot done... blame it on "nesting" hehe
Excercise?: nope. haven't seen this since the 1st trimester but am SO looking forward to getting back to the gym!
Movement?: oh yes! Dustin and I both felt her so much the other night it was sweet. I actually *think* I can make out when I feel a foot or an arm or leg. She rolls around a lot, but is running out of room!
Food cravings?: Still coke & ice. Also, random, but white cheddar cheese puffs (ew, I know). I usually buy the Cheetos baked natural brand. Or this "all-natural" brand called Pirates Booty. I bought them for the girls when they were on sale a few weeks ago, and seriously ate pretty much the whole bag by myself.
What I'm looking forward to:? her being here!! holding her, seeing what she looks like, that newborn baby smell, mmmm :)
Preparations:? I've been doing a lot this past week. A few people have bought her some outfits for summer. I've gone through our newborn clothes & pulled out what she can use. Washed them *there's not a whole lot better than the smell of baby clothes freshly washed in Dreft :)* I've moved Catie into Gabbi's room (except for sleeping- she's such a good sleeper I'm scared to do that!). I've ordered some smaller sized cloth diapers for her & gotten them washed and ready. We've done a deep-clean of our bedroom (it's needed it! Our bedroom seems to be what's always put on the back-burner!), preparing to put the baby bed up tomorrow. Got the car seat out & washed it up. And altogether, I've just been staying more on top of things: laundry, keeping toys put in their places, vacuuming, everything. Which, truly has been good of me since I'm neither neat nor organized. Just really want to keep everything under control because she could come at any time. Still to do: pack hospital bag, pack diaper bag, put the car seat in the van & put up the bed (which should be done by tomorrow).
Best Moment this week:? Dustin coming home Sunday!! Oh my goodness, best moment ever!!!

...pour out your hearts...

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah."

Psalm 62:8

Have really been *trying to be* practicing this verse this week. Especially pouring out my heart to Him... oh goodness has He had an "ear full" from me this week!! It's good though. I need that. He desires that. I'm thankful for how trying this week has been. How emotionally & physically exhausting it's been. I'm learning to trust Him & pour out my heart to Him... I want to continue to practice these things even when Dustin gets home. I've been completely and utterly dependant on the Lord this week... I don't want to go away just because I have Dustin back again.

That being said, his flight is delayed & they'll most likely miss their connection flight. I'm trying to be okay with this. They are supposed to be home at 6:30 tomorrow, but I had already prepared myself for them being home tomorrow night... now that that is looking like a reality, I'm definitely needing to pray through it!

Pray with me/ for me... please... it has been such a long week.

Satisfied in Him alone...

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold


© 2001 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP).

I think those are some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. I've been unable to stop listening to this song ever since yesterday afternoon on the way to church. It's one of Dustin's favorites, and to be honest I've never listened to the lyrics too closely.

I'd love to say I'm doing great since he's been gone... but this being here without him is SO HARD! Maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. And the Lord has just really spoken to me through this song. Between this & the sermon last night & praying for Dustin and the W.A. team, the truth of the gospel & what happened on the cross is just playing over and over again in my mind.

My only Savior before the Holy Judge......

I want to be able to sing the second verse as truth in my life. His faithfulness to be my standing place, especially this week, when honestly there have been moments I just want to lay in bed and sleep until he gets home. (I'm pathetic, I know).

I have no longings for another, I'm satisfied in Him alone....

Satisfied in Christ alone. In His presence in my life. With His company alone. Not satisfied in Dustin being home, here, "safe", able to call him whenever I want.

I know it's okay to miss my husband. And obviously I do, terribly. This is the first time in our marriage we've been apart like this. Saturday was the first day in over 4 1/2 years where we did not talk at all. So it's going to be hard, I know that. I don't think it's wrong for me to miss him like I do. I just don't want to miss what the Lord has for me this week. What He wants to teach me and to show me in this.

You are welcome to pray for me if you think about it :)

And pray our baby doesn't decide she wants to come this week!

Challenged to Love

We went to friends' house for dinner this evening with all my family. My brother & his wife are in town this weekend- and that's been fun. We were able to get out just the four of us. We had lunch & ran around town while my mom & dad kept the girls. It was nice to hang out like that, it's not often (never, really) that it happens!

On the way home Dustin and I got into a conversation-not long, not in too much depth, but still a good conversation. We were talking about this couple the Lord has placed in our lives, and how God has drastically changed his heart toward the husband.

He said to me: "You know, he still drives me crazy, but the Lord has really given me a love for him... I legitimately consider him a friend." I just thought that was amazing, and told him so. We really give credit completely to God, and how He has the power to change our hearts. I told Dustin how I remember two years ago, honestly, he couldn't stand him. He's just one of those guys that everything about him rubbed Dustin the wrong way... and me too. Same with his wife. Dustin brought that up, saying "Now, (his wife), I'm not so sure of... You know, I don't really know her."

I admitted to how I still struggle with both of them, really. I know God places people in our lives that our difficult to love for a reason. To make us more like him... Because I know I'm difficult to love!! But I just see my husband's heart, how the Lord has changed it completely, and it truly challenges me. It caused me to be honest with myself and him as I said, "You know, the reason I have a hard time with (her) is because she just so different... just kind of weird, and she's just so immature." Saying it out loud was almost embarrassing- even though only Dustin was listening. Before I had a chance to say anything else, he cut in:

"I know it's hard to enter into a relationship knowing you're not going to get anything out of it... at least for a long time. It really challenges our selfishness."

Wow. Praise the Lord I have a husband who oh so gently, but confidently, points out my sin to me. Even though he told me later, he wasn't saying that directed at me, but to himself. I didn't say much, if anything, after that and was pretty quiet the rest of the way home thinking about things.

Do I really only pursue relationships with people when I think I will get something out of it? Even if my motives are good-- I see someone who may be further along than me spiritually, and I want glean from them. Or another mom who has kids older than mine, and I think I can learn things from her. Or someone I notice I have a lot in common with, and I think we'll have a good time together. These are good things.

But when someone is "hard to love"? I know I have absolutely nothing in common with them. They are seemingly less mature than I am. They have a different sense of humor, or different parenting ideas, or they're at a different place spiritually... Do I always shy away because this relationship doesn't seem to have much, if anything, to offer me?

If I'm being honest with myself. With the Lord. With you.... Yes. I do.

How unlike my Savior?!?!

So when I went to bed tonight (or last night, it's 4 in the am right now & I am wide awake), I was talking to Dustin, then praying as I was falling asleep, that I just don't know what this means. What do I do with this conviction? Where do I go from here? What does it look like to love someone or pursue relationship with those who seemingly "don't have anything to offer" me?

I guess -one of the things- I fear about befriending certain people is that they'll end up being "that person" who is calling/ texting you constantly, stop by unannounced, or just seem to not have a comprehension of boundaries... I don't know if that makes sense to some people, or if any of you have ever experienced someone like that... I have in the past. I told Dustin I'm afraid of turning into someone who just can't say "no". He understood, then gently reminded me, "But honey, your problem right now is that you can't say yes." ::sigh:: Then he went on about how sweet the Lord is to pursue me. How He loves me just way too much to leave me like I am... in sin.

.......Don't I just have the greatest husband?

So I asked the Lord to show me what all this looks like in His Word. Then when I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep, I came out here in the living room... and He showed me.

"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Luke 6:27-36

I know that the context here when Jesus is talking about lending, expecting nothing in return is not referring to relationships, but I still find it appropriate in this case. I mean, He is also speaking about love. I think back to before I knew Christ and then to now, and see this is an area of my life that has remained unchanged. This is definitely an area where I do not look like Christ. Love. I do not love well. And isn't it the greatest commandment? Oh Father, forgive me.

My footnote says: Reciprocity is insufficient, because even sinners practice reciprocity. And "you will be sons" does not mean "you will become sons" but "you will demonstrate that you are sons" by imitating God's care and compassion even for those who are evil.

So to answer my own question: What does it look like to love someone or pursue relationship with those who seemingly "don't have anything to offer" me? ...It looks like Jesus.

If I am only loving those who love me, who offer me something, how does that at all resemble my Father in Heaven- Who loves me & gave Himself for me when I had & still have absolutely nothing to offer Him! It doesn't.

And I say I have these "fears"... but they are really just excuses, let's be honest. If I had any legitimate fears I only need to be reminded that "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear" 1 John 4:18.

So here I am. Praying God will please mold my heart to look like His, praying He will enable me to love. He has shown me what He commands, now I'm waiting upon Him to give me to the ability to do what He commands...

18 Months Young!

On Tuesday, our sweet Cate-Bug (or "Catie-BooBoo" as she's also been affectionately called) turned 18 months! I just can't get over how quickly time goes by. When she was a baby, she was so tiny & dainty, it just seemed like she was always going to be a baby. I know that may sound odd, but other Mommies know what I'm talking about I'm sure. And now, she's about to have a baby sister of her own! She won't be "the baby" of the family anymore, which I still can't get past in my mind. I wanted to post a picture from last year, just for fun & to see how much she's grown.

This is Catie the day she turned 6 months old, 3/1/10:

She was always so easy to make smile.

Last week, a friend of mine posted on Facebook: "How is it possible for a baby to be so precious and so rotten at the same time!" I laughed, because that is Catie in a nutshell. She has always been the absolute sweetest baby. Not that Gabbi wasn't a sweet baby, she was, and still is such a sweet girl... but Catie has such a different personality, like I've posted in previous blogs. She's been much more timid, much more attached to me, much more snuggly... just a "sweet" personality.

The past few months though, she's come out of her shell just a little bit more. Her "fiery" side has shown. And although she's had a more sweet & tender personality than Gabbi... she's also been a bit more... "rotten". It has truly caught me off guard how different my two girls are, and I've been learning how different children do need different things in the way of discipline & instruction. Learning. I definitely do not have it figured out yet.

When Catie does not get her way, or if I have to take something away from her she shouldn't have, she really will scream and stomp her way around the living room, or wherever we are, pitching a little fit. At first I was so shocked (because this is honestly something Gabbi did not do) it made me laugh a little... it's something we are "working on" though. Along with her little fits, she likes to tackle her sister. Maybe because Gabbi has done this to her in the past? Well, she definitely thinks she owns the place & if something, or someone, is in her way she just steps on it, over it, or tackles it.... to the ground. She's so feisty- and it's really only come out the past few months. Maybe it's just because she's had to be to keep up with Gabbi, since Gabbi's not always the easiest person to play with :) She just knows exactly what she wants, and will let you know when she doesn't have it!

She's super super attached to her paci & blankey.

She loves food & it's starting to show! She's turning into a little chunk! Gabbi was so tiny, and still in size 12month clothes until she was about 20 months old. Catie is pretty average... and chunky :) We'll go to the doctor tomorrow to find out her weight/ percentile.

The funny thing is, Dustin & I have noticed, she doesn't seem to like carbs (weirdo, right? hehe). She doesn't eat bread or rolls very well. She doesn't eat waffles well. She seems to pick the toppings off of pizza without eating the crust. She'll eat crackers if she's really hungry while waiting on something else at a restaurant. But otherwise, she just doesn't eat bread or carbs

She has little to no interest in TV, which is also the polar opposite of her sister who would sit on the couch and watch TV the entire day if I let her.

She is starting to say more words, some of which are: Mommy, Daddy (of course), Nana, Poppy, Babbi (Gabbi), Sissy, paci (which is her word for both her paci & her blankey), puppy, ball, cup, cracker, ease (please), up, baby... she has really just started talking. She's been almost silent for a long time. Besides words, she's also speaking that "jibberish" that toddlers do right before they take off talking. It's fun to listen to.

She is very much a Daddy's Girl, but if I had to choose, I'd say Gabbi is her favorite person. She absolutely adores Gabbi. The first thing she says in the morning when I get her out of the crib, without fail, is "sissy... sissy... sissy". She always has to have her morning snuggles from Gabbi before she starts playing. And of course, she wants to do everything Gabbi does! It's so sweet how much she loves her and how her face literally lights up when Gabbi walks into the room. It absolutely melts my heart. I truly hope & pray she will always love her so much, and their love will grow as they grow... all 3 of them :)

Loneliness: but for a season.

I desire to be transparent & open in my blogs. Transparent, not just for the sake of being transparent, or in any manipulative way for some sort of special attention. But I want to be open with my readers (however few or many in number) about my struggles, my walk with the Lord, and the seasons of my life He is leading me through. I want to encourage people on their unique walks with Christ... and to lay it out there for those who feel led to pray for or encourage me in mine. I also desire to be open because I love having this blog to look back on in the future. I've kept it off and on for four years or more, and it's already been a blessing to see the path God's taken me on. A journal to chronicle His faithfulness... and, Lord willing, to encourage sisters (and brothers?) in Christ.

With all that being said... yesterday was a rough day. Really, it was mostly all me and just a battle in my mind. I was just down & discouraged & frustrated for a number of reasons. The girls had nothing to do with any of it... Gabbi was actually in a great mood all day. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was because I didn't get much sleep the night before. Maybe it was because I've been sick. Maybe it was a combination of the three. I can't really say, because I have a "bad day" like that about once a week.

All I can figure is it's the season I'm in right now. It all started back during the summer, God was just doing some huge things in my life. If you haven't read this post from August, you can. Since then, however, I've been... just... lonely. I recognized this loneliness almost immediately, but was absolutely content with it. The Lord drew me closer to Himself -and sort of away from people- to gently point out several things to me. Things I know I otherwise wouldn't hear if some really intimate relationships I had were still just as close. But He hasn't restored intimacy and closeness with some of these old friends... or new ones... or anything. I feel disconnected. I want to add a "side note" here that there was no falling out, no arguments, nothing that would cause dissension between myself or anyone else. Just a... drifting, I guess.

Anyway, over the past several months I've had ups and downs between having my feelings hurt about things and being perfectly happy & content with where I'm at. I've realized things about myself. I'm typically a "pursuer" in a relationship. I usually make phone calls to catch up with people, suggest "hey let's get together", organize things, etc. This is not patting myself on the back, this is just my personality. I'm outgoing. I love people & to socialize. My first year of motherhood, I say I was not a "stay-at-home mom", I was a "non-working mom"--- because Gabbi & I were never actually at home. I'm not proud of that by any means. I do need to be home, and I'm glad I've found balance since then. But I've learned with most (not all) people that if I don't call, we won't talk. And realizing this is where my struggle comes in.

Last night Dustin and I had great talk... for a little while. He encouraged me, prayed for me, then fell asleep. See, I should no better after 4 years of marriage than to begin long, intimate discussions with him when we're lying down in bed. He falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow... when my head hits the pillow, worlds of thoughts open up. So last night I was doing good to get a little conversation out of him. But he fell asleep when I was still wanting to talk, and I got my feelings hurt.

I laid there. I cried. I prayed. I cried. Some thoughts I had were definite pity party, some legitimate. But as I was praying, I was just confessing and crying out about the loneliness I've been feeling. I thought, even my own husband doesn't want to talk, I even have to be the one pursuing conversation with him! It seems like months since I've had a real, non-surfacey conversation with a sister-in-Christ. It's probably been a year since I've felt true, genuine fellowship with a group of women. Lord, I just want fellowship. I just want someone to pour my heart out to. And I don't want to be the one pursuing it. I want someone to pursue friendship with me............. then I stopped. What do you think I am doing? The Lord answered me so very clearly.

Then, conviction. At first, I loved & cherished the season I was in because I knew God was doing a work in me. I knew He needed to draw me apart & to Himself to do this work in me that only He could do. I knew He wanted me to call to Him, cry to Him (not pick up the phone or drive to a friend's house) when I had something I needed advice about or just wanted to share. I was filled with joy at His drawing me. Content.

Over the months, my thoughts and actions have shown my heart in the matter. I only want the Lord's friendship & comfort until I become dissatisfied. When I say "OK, enough is enough" then I expect other friendships to come in the picture. God just isn't "enough" anymore. Discontentment.

But He's not finished with me... Clearly, there is still so much work to be done. I'm encouraged. I need to be in the Word and having the Spirit daily fill me. I need to continue seeking Him, listening to Him, to hear Him in what He wants to say to me. I need to wait upon Him.

This season has not been all bad- just harder on my weak flesh the longer it has gone on. It has been so good though, so eye opening. And I thank God for He alone is the One who opens my eyes. But Dustin and I have grown closer through this time. He is so sweet. A few months ago I was crying to him about some of these very things, and he looked at me, wiped my tears and said: "But Baby, I am your best friend." And it's true. I think I would have said that at any point in our marriage, "oh yes, of course, my husband is my best friend." But it hasn't been until recently that I've truly believed & felt it. Even still though, I'm prayerfully cautious to not put Dustin in a place in my heart that only the Lord deserves. He is my true Husband. My true Prince. My true Love.

And I long to know Him deeper....

Psalm 25:5 "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long."

Psalm 63:1 "O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You, as in a dry and weary land were there is no water."

Photo Challenge Break

I guess I'm a bit behind in this 30 Day Photo Challenge... it's probably going to be a little more like a 90 day challenge for me. That's okay. I've been occupied with more important things.

It's been a sick time in our house these days.

I broke down and went to the doctor on Monday after not feeling well off & on for about two weeks... then really building up all week last week. I had/ have a sinus infection, that turned into bronchitis. It's interesting because almost exactly a year ago I had the exact same thing. I guess it's just something I'll have to plan for next year :)

Both the girls have had yucky colds that have turned into nasty coughs. I'm just waiting it out before I take them to the doctor- I hate to be one who rushes to the doctor at the first sneeze. They haven't had fevers, or trouble breathing/ sleeping/ eating... so I'm not too concerned.

Catie has actually been sleeping better! She is still taking two naps! Two long naps! Gabbi moved to one nap right after she turned one... so this is just crazy for me with Catie being almost 18 months. I'm praying it even holds out until the baby gets here. How wonderful would it be if she's still taking two naps then?! The only thing is- Dustin and I were talking about last night- we were kind of wanting to move her into a "big" bed in Gabbi's room before the baby came. Because once she moves out of our room, Baby will go into Catie's room & crib. Well, Catie is such a good sleeper!!! Yes she stills has her paci, and yes she's still in her crib... all of which Gabbi was done with by 18 months. She was paci-free & in a toddler bed. And actually, when she turned one, we took the paci away for all but nap & bed time. Well right now, if you come to our house at any given time of day, you are 80% sure to find the paci in Catie's mouth. She is soooo very attached. I mean, no rush. I'm not too concerned that she still has it. We seemed to have rushed everything with Gabbi. Yet, at the same time, she sort of rushed herself. She's always seemed older to me than she actually is. She is just such a go-getter.... walking full speed (and I mean even climbing equipment at the park) at ten months old. Not exaggerating. I can't even really remember when she started talking, it just seems like she came out talking! But she was definitely already saying sentences and carrying on mini conversations at 18 months. Even today she's a go-getter... she rarely sits still, a complete bundle of energy! Always dancing around, or singing songs, or playing with imaginary friends.

Catie, on the other hand, is super laid back. When we go to a park, while I can just *blink* and lose Gabbi (scary, yes), Catie takes several minutes standing beside me & just watching everyone before she warms up to playing.

I love how different they are.

I've also done things differently with them. Sometimes I feel like we had been too hard on Gabbi. Part of my old mentality that the Lord has so sweet delivered me from this past year. "If I do A + B, I will get a result of C". I was rigid with the scheduling-- I know, I'm sure I have some super-structured moms reading that are still schedulers, and that's perfectly OK... It's just not for us. Which, if "2 year ago me" were to read those words, I'd probably have to pick my jaw off the floor. Because I was just so sure there is yes, a RIGHT way and a WRONG way. Scheduling was the right way. I'm just not there anymore. I do believe kids needs structure... I just don't think letting a 3 month "cry it out" is the way (Even though I do believe there is a time & place when a baby/ toddler needs to cry it out). Wow I sure sound like a walking contradiction right now?

Anyway I'm just not a super structured, organized, type A personality. I like the flexibility I have with my kiddos. They sort of make their own schedules eventually anyway. The thing that makes me laugh is I was such a stickler with the schedule with Gabbi... and a bit more lenient with Catie (kind of half schedule/ half flexibility)- she rarely cried it out- and Catie is my good sleeper. I foresee making my hubby cringe & throwing schedules out the window with #3... :) *kidding. kinda.*

Well, we bought bunk beds today! Even though I'm not sure when we'll put Catie in it, it is something that needed to be done.

Dustin asked me when my next dr appt was, and he was shocked when I told him Friday. Yes, I am every 2 weeks now. Only for 2 more appointments & then I'll go weekly. He leaves for Africa three weeks from Friday. While he's gone I'll turn 36 weeks. When he gets back it could be any day... YIKES!

Time is flying & I feel so unprepared.

Praying for a productive month in March.... the last full month before our Charity Ruth arrives!

Day 15

Something I want to do before I die.

Just like pretty much every other post, several things could have gone here.

There are so many places I want to go -live- before I die. I may never get to & that's okay. But I do think the Lord will have us living somewhere else before we die... maybe in one of these following places? If I had to choose today, I would choose one of the following places, but who knows what the Lord has planned? Anyway... here you have it... places I want to see before I die.... all located around the same place.

Egypt-Israel-Jordan-Turkey

Israel

The Dead Sea

The Nile

Egypt

I guess it's pretty self explanatory why I want to go to these places. I've said before, I'm fascinated with North Africa/ Middle East. I love the biblical history that is there. I want to see Egypt & the pyramids, see Bethlehem & the places Jesus walked. I want to swim (or float) in the Dead Sea- just because I think it's pretty cool. I want to visit the places Paul took his missionary journeys through Turkey.

These countries where Christianity was born- now only a small percent know Christ. Although I would like to visit these places for the "fun" of it, more than anything, I want to see Christ's name proclaimed (once again) in these places. So really, I would love to go and have the Lord use me- and my family- to accomplish the task.

Day 14

Meet Kelly, my mommy!

Someone I couldn't imagine life without.

There are a few... obviously my husband or my daughters, but I've written about them a lot & just in the last post, so I'll talk about my Momma!

My mom and I weren't super close when I was growing up; I honestly was never one of those girls who would've said "I tell my mom everything" or "my mom is my best friend". But we've really grown close since we've both come to know Christ, and especially since me getting married & having kids of my own. The Lord has redeemed much!

I couldn't imagine life without my mom! We talk- or at least text back & forth- everyday, at least once a day. She has helped me so much in marriage & motherhood. I'm very thankful that I don't have a mom who loves to "dog" my husband. I know this is so very common & I don't take it for granted. When I've called her at different times in the middle of a disagreement with Dustin, or whatever it may be, I call her because I know she'll give me godly, balanced advice on the situation. There have even been times Dustin has said "will you please just go call your mom?" :) Her and my dad both are mine & Dustin's "go-to" people when we are stuck about a decision to make. Not that they make decisions for us, but the bible has much to say about seeking godly counsel, and I'm thankful that "counsel" is in my very family! It has not always been so!

Mom has also been so great since becoming a mother myself. We were just talking the other day about how huge it's been that mom is so experienced with babies & children. She started babysitting back when she was about 12, and worked with babies ever since then- and my whole life! There was always a baby around the house that Mom was babysitting, or "nanny-ing". As I got older, I started babysitting on my own & helped out more with whoever was around our house. Mom definitely passed on her love for babies to me. And when I became a mom, I wasn't clueless. Well, no more than the typical amount of clueless... obviously there is nothing like having a baby of your own... but I was comfortable with babies. I knew how to change a diaper- I'd been doing it almost my whole life. Things like that. And for the times when I didn't know what to do, like when Gabbi was screaming for hours in the middle of the night at 4 in the morning, who did we call? I've always had mom to ask "is this normal??" She is great with children, and especially my children. I love that she enjoys my girls, and I don't feel like they are a burden or annoying her. And that she is happy when I have children. I've known women who dread telling their mom that their pregnant (again)... Trust me, there are members of my family I dread telling when I'm pregnant, but I'm so thankful my mom is not one of them!

Life was definitely different when Mom & Dad were in Louisville, and Gabbi and I both are loving having them back here in Knoxville with us. I just don't ever want to take having Mom here, or our relationship, for granted. Who knows what the Lord has in store or where we'll be in our futures?

Day 13

Just catching up a little since I've skipped several days. And this post requires little/no effort :)

A picture of my favorite band(s) or artist(s).

Yeah... there's no way I could pick just one.

I don't listen to as much a variety in music as I used to- mainly because I think the radio stations here stink & my iPod is dead :( But I have these favorites, who have been favorites for a few years now. If anyone hasn't listened to them, I highly recommend these three.

Caedmon's Call

Shane & Shane

Andrew Peterson

Then there's that not-so-secret but somewhat embarrassing love of country music I mentioned a few posts ago. Have to pay tribute to my two faves there...

George Strait

Alabama

Day 12

Something I love.

There are a lot of obvious things that I love. I love Jesus & worshiping Him & the Gospel.

I thought about just doing something not-so-obvious.

I love cooking. I love Mexican food. I love celebrating birthdays. I love photography. I love road trips. ( I could go on.)

Then I decided against that.... so let's be obvious...

I absolutely love&adore this man. I love him more today than the day I married him. I love the man he is, and the man the Lord is growing him to be. He is amazing. I love the way he loves us, his girls. The greatest husband & father I know. I know most any wife would say that about their husband, and that's okay. He's mine... and no one else needs to think he's the greatest husband & father they know :)

I love our sweet girls, our growing family.

I am so thankful for what the Lord has given me in my little family. Some days are hard- we absolutely don't live in some fairy tale fantasy... but I love where we are. I know time is fleeting. Gabbi is 3 and it seems like just yesterday we were up all night with our screaming newborn. My time with them is precious... short. With Dustin too really, if you think about it. I want to redeem the time with them. I want to show Christ to my husband and my girls. Although I know I fail everyday, His grace is there. I love how forgiving children are. I can be short with Gabbi sometimes, and she is so quick to forgive when I apologize to her. She forgets. And she still loves me so much. I know I can learn something from that.

I love them all so much. And, at least for the next 15 years, we're together no matter what... or where... I wouldn't want it any other way.

Day 11

Something I hate.

It's taken me a couple days to gather my thoughts for this post. I look at what's going on in Egypt- a power hungry dictator, civil unrest; what's been going on in Africa- poverty, starvation, children being abducted and forced into local armies; what's going on the US- abortion, drug babies born to less than capable parent(s)... I hate these things. I hate when my babies are in pain... yet I know, my babies have no idea about pain. They are tucked safely in their warm cozy beds each night, with full tummies and the "comforts" of blankies and a million stuffed animals surrounding them. No... they don't know discomfort, and probably never will. I hate seeing children in pain, but the problem truly goes much deeper than that. I get angry at women like the one pictured boasting in a "choice". Then I realize, she's blind, it's sin. It all goes back to sin. Unrest in Egypt. Poverty in Africa. Abortion in the US. (I know these locations are not the only place these things exist, it's just what's come to mind at the moment.) The Lord is not surprised by these things... He said it would be so! And He also knows why it is so... why? It's because of sin. What I truly hate, is SIN.

When I began thinking of my hatred for sin & all these things around the world going on that are caused by sin, the Lord quickly brought it back to me.

I hate MY sin.

This is pretty much the best picture I could find for "my sin". And sadly, it's pretty accurate... I have been the woman before. What's not so accurate is that Dustin is rarely that man raising his voice back. No, my sin is not limited to screaming at my husband... and by His grace only the screaming has been significantly less than the first year or so of marriage... I have been given a new nature, but still am dealing with the sin nature I was born with. And I'm reminded of it every day. It wears me out... and I know it wears out those around me. I'm impatient. I'm prideful. I'm lazy. I'm unbelieving. I'm selfish.

Oh, how I can't wait for the day when finally this old nature will be put off for good! And I will worship Christ fully, without a sin nature hindering me.

God is not up in Heaven wringing His hands, wondering what He is going to do with Egypt, or Africa, or America.... or me. He knows truly the need for the world- to hear and receive His gospel. God is sovereign over the painful things too, nothing has caught Him by surprise. He does all things well, and for His glory- whether or not it makes sense to me. That does not mean I'm to sit back and shrug off what's going on around me. But I know first, I must deal with myself- I must remind myself of who I am in Christ, and ask for the Holy Spirit to enable me to act accordingly. Secondly, I must pray for His will to be done among the nations, that His name may be made great. And I also must hear Him on what He wants me (us) to do... Pray? Give? Go?

Well, we all should pray. But the giving or the going.... it looks different for everyone.

I know that by one man sin entered the world. That Satan in the god (little "g") of this world, and that is evident by the current events. And I surely hate these two facts. But I am not discouraged.

John 16:33

In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

He is the answer. He is what they need. Someone just needs to tell them.

Day 10

Person I've done the most *adventurous* things with.

The challenge actually said "messed up" things, but I'm not gonna go there. Another friend I saw put "adventurous" and I definitely like that better... I'm also going with "people" instead of one person:)

Derek & Kristin

Ok, let's face it, I'm not quite as adventurous as I'd like to be. It's not that I'm scared, or don't like the outdoors... Dustin & I absolutely love being outdoors. We love hiking, biking, camping, being on the lake- all those things. It's just that we don't do it so often. I guess just the planning aspect of it... We definitely would more often, and every year since we've been married we've gotten out a little bit more. But it's safe to say that almost every time we've done something, Derek & Kristin are the friends we do it with.

Mine and Kristin's friendship began an adventure on the other side of the world. We've walked through bush & villages, slept on top of a land rover, and had near-death road experiences in Kenya. (OK, maybe "near-death" is exaggerating, but it was quite terrifying) With Kristin & Derek we've camped, hiked, gone boating & tubing at the lake. We've had all-night games of monopoly, snuck into hotel swimming pools (something we were later convicted about, and wouldn't do again :-/), and always have a blast.

It's not always fun and games, as Derek & Kristin are probably the friends we've confided in the most since even before we were all married. We've shared our hearts, our struggles, our joys throughout marriage. With them we've laughed, prayed, & cried.

We are so thankful to God for the friendship He's given us through our brother & sister in Christ. They've been such an encouragement to us on our journey, and their friendship has truly pointed us more toward our Savior.

Hello 3rd Trimester!

Charity Ruth is our little eggplant!

I cannot believe we've now officially entered the third trimester. Sometimes I feel like I've been pregnant forever, then other times it's just flown by! Everything is going well. I'm still contracting, but they're still not doing anything. I have a feeling it's just going to be this way for the rest of the pregnancy, and that's okay, as long baby girl stays put!

Today, I had the ever-pleasant glucose test, which came back negative. Fortunately. It's been negative with each pregnancy, so I wasn't too concerned, I just can't stand the thought of having to drink the juice a second time. But, the doctor's office did call to tell me my Vitamin C and Iron are both low & I need to take supplements. Maybe the low iron explains my constant lethargic feeling... I was just blaming that on the pregnancy altogether. The Vit C, however, I don't get. I drink orange juice almost every morning. That's not enough though, I suppose. Anyway, just thankful for a (mostly) good report from the doctor! At least Baby's healthy, even if Momma is lacking in the vitamin area.

This week I've been thinking about her name, and how I think I want her to be called Ruthie. Maybe it's because Ruthie was in the running with both our first girls. Or maybe because I seem to have this thing about naming our girls something, and calling them something else: Gabrielle is Gabbi & Caitlin is Catie. Ruthie is also what I called her for a short period of time before Dustin wanted to talk about names... kinda just to get him to talk about it with me :) Maybe we'll wait until she gets here to fully decide.

I've seen a couple of my friends do these little things during their pregnancies, and thought I'd join in on it!

Weight Gain/Loss: right about 20lbs so far... but feels like a whole lot more!
Maternity Cloths? Yes definitely. I was actually able to hold off wearing them for what seems like the longest amount of time this time around. Sadly, some of my pants that are size "mediums" are feeling a bit snug...
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Working out and running. Snuggling up close to my man... the belly just makes most everything more difficult.
Weekly Wisdom: From my sweet 3-year-old "Charity is making your belly really BIG, Mommy!" So wise :)
Milestones: Third trimester!

Sleep? what sleep?
Energy?: what energy?
Excercise?: what exercise? okay, there seems to be a pattern here! :) seriously though, keeping up with my two little ones is a good amount of exercise for a day.
Movement?: She moves like crazy, and is actually doing some gymnastics right now.
Food cravings?: plain ole coca-cola. I have no idea why because I don't typically like it and rarely ever do I drink carbonated drinks, but I love it right now... with lots of ice that I enjoy crunching when the drink is gone (that's been a common thing in all my pregnancies)
What I'm looking forward to:? Gabbi getting to feel her kick. The timing's never worked out yet, but she actually told me yesterday that she wanted to feel her move. So sweet :)
Preparations:? Sadly, nothing :( That's been the hardest thing so far about having a third girl. I'm thrilled beyond belief about having another little girl... but I have nothing to do!! Her room is ready (she's going to have Catie's room, and Gabbi & Catie will room together). She has clothes. She has toys... she has more than everything she needs. She is absolutely as special as her two older sisters, but I feel like because I've done nothing to prepare, that it doesn't seem as special. I told Dustin I think I want to use different pacifiers this time (we've used the same brand with both girls) just so we'll have to buy her something different from the other two! How silly :)
Best Moment this week:? Our bathroom is finally finished! This is absolutely not pregnancy related, but glad it's done before the baby gets here! Our hall bath that has been mid-renovation for a year, is finally done!

Day 9

Person who has gotten me through the most.

OK, well this one really was pretty easy. I say this not to sound cliche, but only because I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

JESUS has undoubtedly gotten me through the most in my life... Good and Bad.

Anything in my life good or praiseworthy is because of my Savior and because He has caused or allowed it to happen to me.
Anything bad in my life, that has broken my heart or made me angry, that has made me to want to run or brought me down to my knees is because He has caused or allowed it to happen to me. Granted, many painful things in my life have been self-inflicted, but nothing ever surprises Him. Before I knew Him, as I was living my life of sin that eventually brought me to a point of brokenness I never again want to experience nor would wish for anyone, He alone got me through. Brought me to that point where I could recognize my sinfulness, my need for Him, and He was there. Without Christ, without Him rescuing me, I don't even want to imagine where I would be today.

Even now, knowing Him, I have walked through my share of valleys. I do have a wonderful husband & sisters in Christ that have been there for me. But it's the promises of God and my relationship with Christ that has truly gotten me through. Even in seasons of loneliness, it's Christ that is ever-present. I just love this *old school* quote from the Newsboys song Breakfast: Those here without the Lord, how do you cope. For this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope.

Truly, Christ is the hope of every believer. I'm thankful for the joy I can find in my valleys because of Him and His faithfulness.

All things He works together for my good & His glory.

There's no one else I would rather have to turn to.

Day 8: Photo Challenge

A picture that makes me laugh.

This is taken from Catie's first birthday back in September. I was cracking up at Gabbi the whole time. She just sat patiently next to Catie at first, and kept asking when it was going to be her turn to eat cake. Then finally, I suppose she got tired of waiting and seized the opportunity to lick Catie's frosting-covered hand... or she just couldn't let Catie get away with the show being all on her for the afternoon. Either way, this was not posed, and still makes me laugh to this day.

Day 7: Photo Challenge

My most treasured item.

This was another difficult one to come up with. The things I treasure most in life aren't things:my salvation; my husband & children; my family; friendships & my church body... I could go on and on. But an item? I try not to become too attached to items- clothes or jewelry or books or even our home... I mean, things are so replaceable. Like I said in the first post though, I'm not the sentimental type. But I still think even the most sentimental items are replaceable, when it really comes down to it. The Bible says to store up our treasures in Heaven... and this is what I strive to do, although it is hard. I definitely have a tendency to be materialistic- just like everyone I think. I do "want" more stuff. Our home to be prettier or bigger; my girls (and myself) to look great in the most fashionable clothes; and sometimes, just to be transparent, I wish my engagement ring was bigger. How worldly I truly am! Just because I'm not necessarily attached to things, I don't want to give the impression that I never struggle with worldliness... because that's exactly what those desires are. Worldliness. God did not call me to have a nice house, big jewelry, or the best dressed kids. He called me to die to those desires. Not that it's a sin to want nice things. To deprive yourself of anything nice for His "name's sake" isn't right either. It's just a heart issue. A balance.

Anyway, with all that being said, I narrowed it down to two things. The first, not at all to sound super-spiritual, is my Bible.

Being raised in a religion that does not encourage (and really almost discourages) the personal reading and studying of the Word, a whole new world was opened up for me after salvation. I was taught that I could not interpret the Word correctly, only one person could. Well, when I first came to know Christ I could not get enough of the Bible. Reading it. Praying through it. Memorizing it. Although life got a bit more crazy after marriage & kids, and my time in the Word is more limited than it used to be, I'm still so very thankful to have God's very Word available to me. And it really makes my time with Hi, reading, all the more precious. I'm so thankful for our God, who speaks to us through the Bible, and the Holy Spirit that does enable me to interpret what He's saying.

I'm also thankful for godly men who wrote the ESV Study Bible, for the times when I just don't get it ;)

Secondly, is our piano.

This (aside from all my pictures & scrapbooks, but that would be hard to take a picture of) is probably the most irreplaceable item in our home. Mainly because to replace it would cost a lot of money and this piano was given to us (for nothing) by some friends. I love music. I have loved music my whole life. Although I haven't been gifted with natural talent or an incredible singing voice, I still try. I'm currently trying to teach myself how to play the piano. Dustin & the girls bought me Alfred's Adult Course piano book for Christmas so I could finally begin. I know a little from when I was younger and learned some then. I know how to read music and the basics, and can play a some. But I want to truly play. And bring the Lord much glory through music. I also want to be able to teach Gabbi when she's a little older. She already loves music, and dancing, and she loves to "try" to play the piano. We'll see how it goes! :)

Day 6: Photo Challenge

Person I would like to trade places with for a day.

OK, so this took forever to think of, because honestly, I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone for a day. I guess just keep in mind while reading that this is totally hypothetical because of that fact. I've thought of several people. Maybe one of my friends that doesn't have any kids so I could just sleep all day?... but just because they don't have kids doesn't necessarily mean they sleep all day. One of my kids so I could just play (and if I wanted to, sleep) all day, and see what life is like from their perspective?... no, I really wouldn't want to do that actually. One of my old dogs we had growing up, because, let's face it, spoiled pets have "the life".... but it's supposed to be a "person". I even thought of a cartoon character, just to be goofy... but then the thought of being in a cartoon world for a day kind of freaked me out. So then I thought of Dustin. But when I say my husband is the one I'd like to trade places with for a day, I don't really mean it... ;) There really is no one I'd want to trade places with... but I'll go with it for the sake of the "challenge".

I suppose the reasons it would be interesting to trade places with Dustin are obvious. I stay at home with the kids all day, and he works at an office all day. We never really have the "whose job is harder" argument, because he tells me all the time mine is. I win, hands down ;) But I still would like to gain some perspective of where he's at all day & what he deals with. Just because my "job is harder", I still have some idea that he does have stress that he deals with. Then again, sometimes I feel like he would do better at my job than I do. Maybe if he were home for a day, when I got home the house would actually be clean and the family out of pajamas...??? Hmm... then again, maybe not :) Also, if this hypothetical exchange were to happen sometime in the next 3 months, I'd like him to experience what it's like being pregnant in the third trimester... and why I'm constantly asking him for a neck or foot rub, or how I'm not being ridiculous about my hyper-sensitive sense of smell, or how absolutely uncomfortable it is when your hands swell, or why it takes me forever to get comfortable and fall asleep... And I'd like to have just a day's break from being pregnant- to go for a nice, long run, where regular clothes, and perhaps have a glass of wine. (*gasp* yes, I said it.) OK, this sounds like complaining. I'm absolutely not trying to complain, and am typing all this with a smile on my face. I just think the fact that I'm pregnant adds an interesting spin on this hypothetical situation. And anyway, complaining about the discomforts of pregnancy is so overdone. I've prayed this pregnancy for God to enable me not to do it. "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" (Phil 2:14).... this includes pregnancy :) I know there are women who would give anything to be pregnant right now, and struggle with it. I'm thankful getting pregnant has never been an issue for Dustin and I, how could I complain? I'm thankful for a healthy baby girl & that I have the privilege of bonding with her before she even enters the world.

OK, I also didn't mean for this to go into the joys of pregnancy :) So I'll just leave it at that!

Day 5: Photo Challenge

My favorite memory.

Well, this was a really, really hard one! I cannot choose a single one favorite memory. I chose this event in my life- my summer in Kenya (2006)- with Kristin (then, Rickels) Duvall because it is my favorite memory that impacted the rest of my life.

During my time in Kenya, the Lord completely drew me to Himself. I heard Him so clear, so often. I saw Him move so much in my life and in the lives of those around me. Especially still being a "new Christian", I had never seen the things I witnessed in Kenya ever before in my life. It was while I was in Kenya that God burdened my heart even more for missions, and confirmed my desire to be on the field at some point in the future. Seeing the need for the gospel in those areas, the hunger for the Word of God and the love of the Word the believers had impacted me greatly. Of course, all of my 10 weeks there weren't easy & wonderful. I know there were days I questioned why I was there. But the Lord saw me through every single day. Before Kenya, Kristin and I didn't even know each other. It's really hard to believe looking back now, because God just truly knit us together. She truly is my sister, and one of the very best friends I have still today.

Also, while I was in Kenya, Dustin and I were "dating"... before I left, we talked, and he had told me that he saw qualities in me that he wanted in a future wife. While I was gone, I don't know if I've to this day prayed over something so fervently as I did him and our relationship. We had a couple hurdles to overcome that I prayed through... among other things. While I was gone, through so much prayer, God really confirmed for me that he was who I was going to marry. -But I still wasn't totally sure if it was the same for him :)-When I got home, the Lord had just blessed both of our prayers... and we were engaged soon after.

This is all extremely summarized. I could go on much more about the trip, about what the Lord showed me and answered prayers, about mine and Dustin's relationship... but I'll keep it at this for now. If there's more you want to know, maybe it could be talked about over a cup of coffee ;)

Other significant, favorite memories that can't be overlooked:

our engagement: august 31st '06

wedding: january 5th '07

gabbi's birth: october 9th '07

catie's birth: september 1st '09