1000 Gifts

Thankfulness... #21-#36

:::days at the lake

:::family time

:::hot summer sun

:::farmer's tans

:::the Lord's gentle discipline

:::Psalm 119:71

:::how the Lord is moving in our church body

:::being back in choir

:::weekends

:::Interfaith clinic- who is going to pay for 90% of Dustin's knee surgery

:::AC

:::doing yard work

:::flowers :) the Lord is so very creative

:::watching my babies grow

:::the Lord's sovereignty

:::there is no pit so deep, that He is not deeper still (Corrie ten Boom)

from Him, through Him, to Him

Chapter Two Nancy Leigh DeMoss: from Him, through Him, to Him

I don't even know where to begin with Chapter Two!!

All I can say is that I had picked it up several times to begin reading it. But between balancing this home and my two girls & husband, I had to set it down each time. The Lord's timing was just perfect though; if I hadn't truly realized that lately, I do now. This week has been trying to say the least. Overwhelming. Gabbi has been testing me tremendously. Dustin and I are in one of those weeks where we're just ill with each other.... mostly from my flesh though, I'm sure. Maybe frustrations with Gabbi are being put on to him? Maybe I am having expectations I shouldn't be? There are other things too, that right now is not the place to share on the internet.

Just a hard week.

Then I picked up the book again, determined to finish it. The Lord spoke directly to me through this chapter. The whole time I was almost laughing at how not coincidental it was. I kept on reading parts out load to Dustin saying "can you believe this???"

Anyway, the verse Nancy was focusing on was from Romans:

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" "Or who has given Him a gift that He might be repaid?" For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

These verses are foundational for us as women. A reference point for our hearts, Nancy says, for us to always go back to. These verses are a reminder of God's sovereignty.

The word "depth" in the Greek is similar to our word "bath"... when reading about the depth of God's riches, wisdom and knowledge we can have a picture of sinking down into a bathtub. Although, God's riches, wisdom and knowledge are much deeper than a bath (we can only take that illustration so far). His ways are beyond our capacity to fathom!! I just love that!!

Nancy says:

In fact, rather than demanding answers to our questions, we should trust that He knows what we need to know- as well as what we don't- and that it is His kindness that withholds from us what would be too grand or painful for us to absorb in our mortal minds...

You will never be able to fully explore what God is doing in your life. You cannot possibly see the end or the outcome, not yet anyway. You cannot fathom the means He has devised to fulfill His holy purposes through You. He doesn't owe you an explanation. He is God, and He is working.

So often I, and I know I'm not the only one, want to know the end product. I say "ok, this hurts, this is hard... what does this mean? what is this going to look like when it's over? what am I going to look like when it's over? God, what are you doing right now??"

But He doesn't owe me an explanation.

Nancy wrote that we are "faced with the opposition of either demanding an answer, or living in submitted trust". Those are the only options.

As I was reading, the conviction was just pouring on. Then Nancy wrote this:

...to resist or resent the situation and circumstances in which you find yourself is ultimately to resent and resist God Himself. From Him are all things.

I have a note written in the margin, the first thing that came to my mind when I read that, "why would I resist or resent the Good Shepherd??"

So how do we respond?

1. A true woman lives a God-centered life.

He is her reason for living! She lives for His glory and pleasure not her own pleasure. How counter-culture is that?

2. A true woman trusts God.

She accepts His will as good even though it may not be what she defines as "good".

He is good and does good. (Ps 119:68)

3. A true woman says "yes, Lord".

Saying yes to the Lord means saying "no" to many other things...

No to... bitterness, self-centeredness, whining, complaining, pining, resenting- resisting- running- from the will of God.

Well, this is Chapter two in a very small nutshell!

Nancy concluded by saying that we can look back years down the road at our currently painful circumstances and say: why did I worry? why did I fret? why didn't I trust the Lord? etc...

I know this is true, I just pray the Lord would make this so real in my life!! Oh, I desire to trust Him. I desire so much to say, "behold me, Your little girl, acceptance with joy!" I can accept things, but not with joy... yet. But He is not finished with me :) Or you!

1000 Gifts

I stumbled across a blog. It's a breath of fresh air. I've been challenged. 1000 Gifts. I don't have a time frame... it will take me as long as it takes me. I'm praying during this challenge, the Lord will grow in me a constant heart of thankfulness. During the week I'm journaling things that happen, or things the Lord brings to my mind, that I'm thankful for. Thursdays I'll blog them, until I reach a thousand. I'll encourage everyone to join too and see how the Lord uses is it in your life.

And so I begin... #1-#20

I am thankful...

:: for ballerina jumps and pink tutus

:: "mommy, one more hug" before bed

:: reading time

:: a sweet little voice reciting Psalm 23

:: His grace that covers a multitude of sin

:: for being dirty, so He can make me clean

: summertime

:: late night swims @ the Bergman's

:: card games

:: music

:: for God's very Word spoken to me through the Bible.

:: that I can only plant or water, but it's God who does the growing (1 Cor 3:7)

:: that there truly is no formula, no "A + B = C" for this journey... but that our Shepherd shows us the Way

:: re-combing messy, blonde curls after naptime

:: baby feet

::summer thunderstorms

:: the joy it brings to my heart, and the smile it brings to my face when I hear Gabbi singing praise songs to the King

:: ....realizing my Father feels the same way about me... :)

:: knowing that in the Body of Christ, we always have family

:: He will complete the work He started in me (Phil 1:6). He's not through with me yet.

Marriage...

I had thought I wanted to see the movie When in Rome, so I checked it out on Plugged In's website. They do movie reviews from a Christian standpoint. Sometimes Dustin and I check out the movies we rent or go see on there before doing so, to make sure it's something we want to invest two hours in... and sometimes we don't, but wish we had! Well, we won't be renting it for sure, but the reviewer had some great thoughts that I had to share.

He says:

"...while the film doesn't overemphasize sex, it errs in another way—underemphasizing marriage, or at least its sanctity and sacredness...

Marriage is about so much more than passion, more than risk—more than a lottery ticket where the winners get fairy-tale endings and losers find divorce attorneys. Marriage is about commitment—commitment that holds firm through the fickle vagaries of human emotion. Yes, there's risk involved in it, but marriage should never be analogous to rolling the dice in a game of chance. Rather, it's like building a house: You check the foundation, you build the angles square, you make sure the place will last a lifetime.

That's how the greatest cities in the world worked their way into the history books, you know. Rome wasn't built in a day. Nor was it built on a bet."

(Paul Asay)

Thought that was great and just had to share!

Chapter One Thoughts

In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made her. Elisabeth Elliot

Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. John Piper

I still remember when John Piper made that statement for the first time at the conference a year and a half ago. My initial thought was "That is so true! Oh Lord, I don't want to be a wimpy woman!" I still pray that today... for myself and for my daughters. I'm so very thankful for the church my family and I are in. I'm thankful it was the first church the Lord led me to after coming to know Him, when I was a "baby" Christian who was very susceptible to being "carried about by every wind of doctrine" (Eph 4:14). I'm thankful for a Pastor and Elders who desire truth, and teach the truth of the Word, no matter how hard the truth is, no matter if the truth brings in the crowds or not. I'm thankful for not having been taught wimpy theology.

...Then why do I still feel like I'm a wimpy woman?

In the beginning of the chapter Piper gives several examples of the opposite of a wimpy woman. I want to share one that "hit home" to me the most.

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Gladys Staines who in 1999, after serving with her husband Graham in India for three decades learned that he and their two sons, Phillip (10) and Timothy (6), had been set on fire and burned alive by the very people they had served for thirthy-four years, said, "I have only one message for the people of India. I'm not bitter. Neither am I angry. Let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ's love."

The opposite of a wimpy woman is her thirteen-year-old daughter Esther (rightly named) who said, when asked how she felt about her father's murder, "I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him." 1

Wow.

I asked myself what it was these and the five other women he listed had in common. I continued reading and found the answer when Piper said, "Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness." It doesn't have the foundation of a "God-centered purpose for all things".

God's ultimate purpose for the universe and for all of history and for your life is to display the glory of Christ in its highest expression, namely, in His dying to make a rebellious people His everlasting and supremely happy bride. Piper

So why am I still a wimpy woman?

Because I am so very "me" centered.

And it has nothing to do with what I'm taught from my Pastor behind the pulpit.

It's just because I'm in this process called sanctification and I can just simply praise the Lord that He is not finished with me. Then I shall turn from my me-centeredness, and turn to Him and pray that this rebellious child will bring Him the glory He is due... through my womanhood and my marriage.

Because I am a woman, I am able to display the glory of Christ in a way that would not be possible had God not created women/ womanhood, in ways that men are not able to (and vice versa). What does this look like in my marriage? Dustin and I are called to display the covenant relationship, the love between Christ and His church (Eph 5:31). Our roles are absolutely different and absolutely essential. Headship, Christ, the Husband. Submission, the Church, the Wife. These are God's design, "so that marriage will display, as in a mirror dimly, something of the glory of the sacrificial love of Christ for His bride and the lavish reverence and admiration of the bride for her husband."

Lavish reverence and admiration...

Do you feel this way about your husband? Do you act this way toward your husband? And I'm not talking about butterflies, kisses, and "oh, he just makes me laugh so much!"

*reverence: honor or respect felt or shown

*to revere: to show devoted deferential honor to; regard as worthy of great honor

*admiration: an object of esteem 2

Embrace this truth: if you are a believing, married woman, you are called by God to display the glory of Christ in the way you relate to your husband.

1. Randy Alcorn "The World Was Not Worthy of Them"

2. definitions from www.merriam-webster.com

All other quotes taken from Voices of the True Woman Movement

A New Season

Memorial Day kicked off what is pretty much the "official" beginning of summer... not that that means a whole lot here with two little ones. Life pretty much stays the same. Aside from a couple vacations we're hoping to take this year. One will be up to Illinois with some family friends of ours. The other will be to Virginia. We've been wanting to go visit my aunt and uncle in Newport News for a few years now. Dustin has never even been there and we've been married for 3 and a half years! Hopefully near the end of the summer we'll be able to do that. We would also like to go camping at some point. Catie is kind of little but I'm sure mom wouldn't mind working out that problem for us :)

Then there are summer projects...

I'm really looking forward to the opportunity the ladies on the True Woman blog have given me and several other bloggers out there. Nancy Leigh DeMoss came out with a new book called Voices of th True Woman Movement. It's a compilation of several speakers/ authors who each have contributed a chapter in the book. Here's what the back says:

Which voices are you listening to?

In a world with so many contradictory and insistent messages, it's hard to know which ones are right, isn't it?

In recent decades, a powerful chorus has called out to women- urging us to choose the pathway of independence and self-reliance. Slick advertising and packaging have made the world's offer, like forbidden fruit in the Garden, appear to be "good... a delight to the eyes... [and] desired to make one wise."

In October 2008, over six thousand gathered for the first True Woman conference to hear God's Word and to affirm His mission and purpose to their lives. Voices of the True Woman Movement is a collection of messages presented at the conference. As you read, you'll be inspired to listen to the voice of the one who crafted you to uniquely bear His image as a woman.

Discover how a heart tuned to hear God's voice can be transformed to glorify Him and impact those around you for such a time as this.

I was fortunate enough to attend the conference a couple years ago, where I heard all these messages. Then, I was sent this book for free, with the promise to blog my thoughts on each chapter as I go through it. I'm looking forward to reading it, refreshing my mind and spirit on the things these Godly man and women spoke on a couple years ago. Maybe this time, with the Lord's help, these things will sink in! Be looking for my future postings on this book!

My next goal of the summer is to run a 5K. I've been doing the Couch-to-5K training plan. I'm at the end of week 5, which is exciting to be over halfway there! July 3rd is my end date! I'll be "racing" (Ha! Racing. I just want to finish the thing!) in the 26th Annual Pilot Fireball Moonlite Classic 5K. Wow, that's a mouthful! I ran cross country in high school, back in my "fit" days. It's encouraging though to be running again after two babies. I love to run... yes, I'm one of those crazy people who gets some kind of thrill out of pushing my body to its limits, going through intense moments of pain, exhaustion and thirst. I have run for as long as I can remember. My mom always loved running, and my dad was a marine. Running with my dad is one of my favorite memories from when I was young. He always pushed me... so now I have a tendency to push myself. Yes, I'm running again, with a life long goal to run a marathon. I'll keep you posted on that one! ;)

And now here's the thing I'm currently most excited about. My hair is long enough to donate!!! I cut it super short 2 years ago, cutting out the last of my highlights I'd been trying to grow for what seems like years. I've only cut it once since then (even though I probably should have been having it trimmed), with the intentions to grow it out to donate.

Dustin is out of town tonight and won't be home until tomorrow evening. He had to go to nashville for work. I hate when he's not home with us, but I started thinking last night that maybe I could surprise him with something. Then I realized this morning, I'll cut my hair! I don't know how he'll really respond... I'm pretty anxious about that part. He always says he likes my hair both ways- long and short- but we'll see. So I started researching donation organizations this morning. I don't really want to donate to Locks of Love, but was willing to donate to Pantene. I just didn't think my hair was long enough. So I found this smaller non-profit organization called Pink Heart Funds while I was searching for 6" hair donations. Then, realized they just increased the amount they'll accept from 6" to 8"... I was a little bummed. I really want to cut my hair but had convinced myself I will NOT cut all this hair off for nothing. I will only cut it if it's long enough to donate. So out of curiosity, I straightened a section of my hair, then pulled it back, and I have almost TEN inches!!! My hair will be short, pretty short, but I'm excited. I want it short, I want to surprise Dustin, and most importantly I want my hair to go to a "good cause". I'll post pictures later! Hopefully everything will fall into place tomorrow for me to be able to cut it!

Farmer's Marker Finds

The passed month or so I've been more intentional about shopping at a local farmer's market here in town. I'm learning how to cook with less meat, more veggies, and veggies that are in season (this is key... and also takes some getting used to). Here in the states we suffer much from INSTANT gratification. I know, I'm quite guilty. But truly, buying what's in season and locally grown is SO much better for us! Tastes better too. Cheaper? Not necessarily. But cheap food is not honest food (I highly recommend every American watching Food, Inc). I truly believe it all goes back to learning how to wait on the Lord, His timing is perfect... even down to the last strawberry.

This week the market was the biggest I've seen so far. More farmer's showed up and there was so much more of a selection! The passed few weeks there really has only been some radishes, green onions, and different green leaf veggies. Now, I'm not complaining, I do love greens. I've always loved salad and a few weeks ago I put together a really tasty salad made up of the things I found at the market. But this week.... YUM!

I called my mom and told her I "hit the farmer's market jackpot"! We came home with green leaf lettuce, radishes, broccoli, cauliflower, baby spinach, strawberries, squash, and sugar snap peas! I am so excited to get cooking this week. We will be eating a lot of salads :) And I'll probably be freezing some strawberries because I still want to go to the fruit and berry patch here in Halls before the season is over.

Then later for dinner I made vegetarian taco salad for the second time. I LOVE this meal. And so does the hubby! I cannot believe I would ever be saying that. Dustin has always been the typical male meat lover. But honestly, I haven't made a meal with meat in the passed week! Even then, I haven't actually bought meat in over a month. We're buying organic meats/ dairy and grass-fed beef now. Which is definitely pricey, but a thousand times healthier. Because of the increase there, we're cutting back on how much of it we buy. Decent trade-off. Dustin is venturing out, willing to try different things, willing do without meat. It's great :) Coming from the girl who was a vegetarian at one point in her life.

Here's the tasty taco salad:

Hubby gave me a funny look when he saw me taking this picture. I assured him, "Baby, if you made something this beautiful that was this tasty, you'd blog about it too!" ;) I can't take the credit for the recipe though. My go-to place for vegetarian and in-season recipes has been Eating Well.com.

The finished product:

Tomorrow's menu: veggie pizzas.

Heavenly Sandpaper

I am in love with an amazing man.

My husband, Dustin, and I have been married for almost 3 and a half years. Looking back to when I said "yes!" I could never have imagined the journey the Lord would have taken us on to this place. Here we are... 5 apartments, 1 house, a beta fish (who knows how he's still alive), 2 cars- one that has passed on, a minivan- oh yes, a minivan, and two beautiful girls, a hundred or so arguments and whole lotta "i love you's" later... we are in it for life. This life.

He is my heavenly sandpaper. I've been thinking a lot this week... well, the passed few weeks... about how I didn't picture this. I am so thankful. So thankful for a man who still points me to Christ. The thing that, truly, honestly, made me love him from the beginning was how he made me desire to be more like our Savior.

It has been hard. Nobody is kidding when they say it isn't a fairy tale. Marriage is NOT a fairy tale and it's for that reason that I loathe romantic comedies, and most "drama" movies. Real life marriage looks nothing like that. If anyone ever makes a movie that truly pictures real life marriage, no one will want to go see it... except for maybe me :)

Even though it has been hard, so much harder than I even imagined, he still makes me want to be more like Christ. The things he does that drive me crazy, or things we disagree about, the Lord chose for me. The Lord had me in mind when He created Dustin, and vice versa. The Lord is using him to refine me, mold me, peel away the layers that are not pleasing to Him.

It's for this reason that I still choose to love him. The reason I love him even more than 3 and a half years ago... I am so thankful I can honestly say that. I'm so thankful the Lord is helping us to press on, and continues to unite us together. I pray so much our marriage pictures the love between Christ and His church.

Be thankful for your heavenly sandpaper. It's for your good and God's glory that he (or she) was chosen for you :)

Our Next Adventure

We're not going to plant our garden until next year, but we're going to go ahead and get a compost started. My grandma is going to come sometime this summer and help me get our flower beds looking nice. So I'll be able to have this compost to add to it this year, then to our garden next year. I'm quite excited about this! Flower beds and a garden are things I've really looked forward to about having our own home.

Laundry Thoughts

I was painfully reminded this evening there is NO such thing as being caught up on laundry. There is, however, a constant state of catching up. If anyone ever tells you they have caught up on their laundry, well, they're lying.

We're going out of town this weekend, and on Tuesday we have family coming in. Then my parents come in next weekend. I really want to be caught up on laundry. Today that was my focus. Pretty much everything got neglected but laundry, and some playtime with the girls between loads. This evening, I marched pridefully up the stairs from the laundry room, carrying our last load of towels as I announced to my husband "ALL our towels are clean!" (This is a rarity in our house. Towels take back seat priority to diapers and clothes.) No sooner do I make this declaration than he comes out of the shower, hanging up his towel and washcloth... *sigh*

However, our laundry IS getting cleared out of the laundry room even now as I type. I'm making a strong effort to be done with everything except the girls' clothes and diapers, which I can finish in the morning before heading out of town. I suppose my steps in making this effort sometimes get ahead of my mind. I had been up here for a good 45 minutes, putting all our clothes in their respective homes (another rarity), then go back down with the intentions of switching the load over. What do I find? The lid to the washer still open, the cycle not even begun... *sigh*

I have nothing left I can do but laugh.

I was discussing with some dear friends last night how in the world to balance everything in my life? My walk with the Lord, my marriage, teaching and instructing my children, being a keeper of my home. I feel like I have a tendency to go to the extreme. If I'm determined to keep my home neat, it seems my walk with the Lord suffers. If I'm determined to be in the Word, my home goes astray. Between feeding, diapering, playing, and disciplining, there doesn't seem to be time for everything.

I do know there is a balance. I do know I am serving my God even as I fold towels and wash dishes. I know He is glorified when I clean my home and am "mommy pony" to my 2 year old. I just always feel like it's never enough.

My prayer is that He will continue to guide me, showing me this balance, that I may teach my daughters and it will not be as agonizing for them. This has been so heavy on my heart today... I want to simplify my life, to be able to hear Him more.

Thoughts?

Dancing with Cinderella

Yesterday I had such a sweet moment with my Gabbi. We have been struggling during our mornings. I don't think either one of us are "morning people". I am quite fleshy when I wake up and need much prayer to get through diapers, potty, breakfast, getting dressed... Gabbi too.

So yesterday morning Catie decided to sleep in which left Gabbi and I some much needed one-on-one time. We had our morning devotion from the Jesus Storybook Bible, then went to the couch and sat and talked and prayed. I shared with her how we've been struggling and needed some extra prayer this morning. She sat quietly and listened, it was sweet.

When we were done, she looked up at the bookshelf at a wedding picture of Dustin and I. She asked "Mommy, were you married in that picture?"

"Yes Honey, I was."

"Oh, was Daddy married in that picture?"

"Yes. That is a picture from the day Daddy and I got married."

"Oh, and you had your white dress on??" So observant, my little one :)

"I did. I had a wedding dress on."

"I had a dress on when I got married too!" Silly girl.

"Well, Honey, you're not married. But when you get bigger you will wear a white dress when you get married."

"Oh, when I grow big I will get married and where my own one??" She started to perk up a little. Any occasion to wear a dress makes her happy.

"Yes honey, Lord willing you will."
"Oh, and DADDY WILL DANCE WITH ME?????" Her eyes were so big, and she had such a huge smile on her face, I couldn't help but tear up. Even more exciting than wearing a dress is having Daddy to dance with. I will not tell her that on her wedding day, she'll probably be more excited to dance with her husband than Daddy.... I won't tell him that either ;)

My girl loves to dance and wear dresses. No kidding, every time she puts a dress on she says, "so I can dance?" Then instantly begins to twirl around. Even cuter than this is the fact that for the longest time she believed at the ball Cinderella was dancing with her dad. The idea of a prince had never occurred to her. She has only ever danced with Daddy. I'm sad that I corrected her about the 5th time she told me "Mommy, Cinderella is dancing with her daddy!" Wish I would have just left her with that innocent thought. Whenever we watch it she now asks me, "Can Daddy be the prince when he gets home??" If he's home when we are watching it, he'll always come and dance with her when the ball scene is on. He's such a sweet Daddy.

Our prince :)

On the move!!

Sweet Catie is 8 months old TOMORROW! She started scooting about two weeks ago. Not an official- up on the knees- crawl. But some babies never do that, so I call what she's doing "crawling". She gets exactly where she wants to go... so it's official to me! I can't believe we're at this point already.

Sporting her Thirsties diaper cover & babylegs! Could she be cuter???

I don't think so ;)

Fruits of our Labor

When Dustin and I first had Gabbi, we didn't know what to expect... naturally.

We knew certain things. We knew first and foremost, we were to train her in the knowledge of the Lord, praying one day she would come to TRUE knowledge of and love for Him. We knew we didn't want her to watch too much TV, or eat too much junk food. We knew we were going to have to one day spank her precious little bottom. We knew we weren't going to send her to public school. We knew she would one day have siblings, and we would have to teach her to share and be mediating disagreements...

But what in the world does all that look like?

Fortunately for us, the Lord doesn't leave us high and dry. He provided us with His word most importantly, but secondarily another book: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. My recommendation to every mom. The link is a review of the book by Tim Challies and you can find the book on amazon. Anyway, through much prayer and reading, the Lord showed us His heart for discipline.

Our expectation is for our children to obey us, immediately, the first time we give a command. We don't count. We don't do time out. If we give a command, and she fails to obey, she is discipline... with love. We aren't on an power trip. We don't give flippant commands just because we can. And we don't say "because I said so".

Quick obedience is the Lord's desire. Our prayer is that by teaching her to submit to our authority, restraining her will, then submitting to the Lord's authority will come more naturally (I hesitate to say "easy" because obedience to the Lord isn't easy) when she is older.

When Gabbi was not quite one we went to Corryton on a hay ride to get a pumpkin. We were closer to the tractor on the wagon, and I saw a family that was near the back of the wagon. The daughter was maybe 5 or 6. She was sitting on her dad's lap, but when the tractor started moving she wanted to move across to her mom (or aunt, or someone, i'm not sure). She stood up and started to walk across, and I could see that dad was telling her not to although I couldn't hear him. The girl shook her head and was fighting against him as he reached for her arm. Then, she fell. She was a second from falling off the wagon. If the dad hadn't been quick to jump up, grab her arm and pick her up she would have fell off the back of the wagon.

My heart sunk for them. But, through that, God showed me obedience is for their protection. I tell Gabbi every time I discipline her: "Honey, you must obey for your protection. I can't let you go astray!" The image of that family on the hay ride has never left my mind.

I was reminded of it again yesterday. We met Dustin for lunch, and I had the van parked up at the closest spots right along the curb. When we were leaving, Gabbi was walking by herself and I pointed to the van saying "this way". Well, she didnt' see the van, and understood that I was just saying to go in this direction. She jumped off the curb and was running full speed ahead into the parking lot. I didn't see her, but heard Dustin yell "GABBI, STOP!!" just in time to see her running, then stopping instantly, so fast that her feet slipped out from under her and she fell bottom first onto the pavement. Seconds later a car drove by, right where she would have been had she not obeyed. My heart lept and I was in tears, praising her for her obedience and showing her what would have happened. Dustin thinks the person would have seen her in time, I'm not so sure. I choose not think about it though, and only think of the Lord's GREAT mercy. His mercy to teach us biblical discipline, His mercy to enable her to obey at that moment (because trust me, she does not always obey instantly), His mercy to remain faithful even when we are not.

He is a good God.

Learning Thankfulness

The title of this post should really be "Learning thankfulness, selflessness, graciousness, forgiveness...etc" but I don't have the space for that.
This week Dustin is at a conference (Together 4 the Gospel) in Louisville, so we are up here with my mom and dad. I'm staying here in their small two bedroom apartment with a 2year old and 7month old, while all them attend the conference. Yesterday I wasn't even able to be in the apt most of the day as their carpet needed to be replaced. So at 10 in the morning we loaded up in the double stroller off to find an adventure to occupy us until nap time.
It was a terribley exhausting day. Usually I get to call Dustin freely during the day for any "issues" that come up with the kids, or if I get bored, or lonely... or just want to hear his voice :) But not yesterday. I had to wake Catie up from her morning nap and leave, so she was less than pleased with that event. By noon both of them were falling apart. We met up with my sister-in-law, Lauren, for lunch at 12:30. Happy to see her, but never happy to go out anywhere to eat with both of the kids and no Dustin. Everytime we eat out with the kids (even with him there) I feel this pit of dread well up in my stomach. Anyone with toddlers knows what I'm talking about for sure. I felt flustered and distracted and I'm sure the tone in my voice was anything but loving the tenth time I told Gabbi to "turn around and eat your chicken".
I was ready for naptime. But Gabbi wasn't. When we got home and I laid them down, there was definitely protesting. Gabbi goes through spells where she fights naptime. Not so much with words or crying or tantrums anything like that. But she plays to keep herself awake. She gets disciplined for playing or talking loudly or fussing. She knows it's time to sleep. So I was going in there repeatedly for over an hour to adminster discipline. I was worn down to the core and ready to just see my husband. After Gabbi had finally fallen asleep and I was able to doze off for maybe 20 minutes. Dustin had a break from 5-7:30 and we were supposed to meet him for dinner. Well, he called me at 4:30, saying he wasn't sure if there would really be time for me to drive downtown and meet up with them, like we had planned earlier. Longing for adult conversation, and help from my husband for ANY length of time more so, those were the LAST words I wanted to hear. I began crying and was SO frustrated- not with him or anyone in particular, just frustrated. He called back and said if I was able to hurry and get them ready and out the door by 5 then we could make it work. I was packing up diaper bags and rushing around when Gabbi woke up.... followed by more discipline issues that I'm not going to go into right now. There was no way we would be able to make it out the door by 5, and I was even more frustrated. I explained to Gabbi that her disobedience has consequences that affect more than just herself, that we would not be able to go see daddy because her disobedience had delayed us. Well, I confess I was not instructing her in love. I was so exhausted and so upset.
Right before 5 Dustin called me again and said for me to still try and make it. So in a rush I got the girls out the door. On the way to the car Gabbi told me, "Mommy, you said we could not go see Daddy." I was quiet for a minute, thinking (how do I respond to this??), then I responded: "well honey, the Lord is so gracious to us. He gives us good things even when we don't deserve them. Even though we disobey, He still lavishes us with gifts. You were disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy." Then another thought: "Just like I was disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy."
This morning was better, my mom stuck around from the conference. But this afternoon, here I sit watching my sweet girl play with sidewalk chalk while the other one is sleeping. Then, a text message from my hubby: "I love you. Thank you for serving so I can come."
Oh how convicted I am that not for a moment had that thought entered my mind. Serving... yet without a servant's heart. All day yesterday I was just in this pity party of how tired I was, how hard this job is, how much I needed some help. I am serving.
I do love this job. I wouldn't trade being a wife & mommy to my precious girls for anything in this world. Even through the hard times when I just want to shove my head under my pillow, cry, and run away from how HARD it truly is... It's sanctification. It's glorious. He never said it would be easy, He has only said I won't do it alone. I'm so thankful He will not allow me to stay in a pity party for any length of time. He is so very good to me.

In His perfect timing I stumbled across this today and it brought tears to my eyes (not many things do):

Let Me Hold You Longer
Karen Kingsbury

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…
The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket
wanting to be rocked.
The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?
Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.
I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?
The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…
The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…
The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…
The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.
I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.
I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer,God,
to every precious last.

It's crazy because just these passed couple weeks I find myself just watching Gabbi. As she eats, or plays, or is talking to me. And I think of her as a baby... how the days when she would be walking and talking seemed so far off, almost unreachable. Now here she is- a running, jumping, dancing, tutu-wearing, princess-playing, song-singing 2 1/2 year but so much older-acting girl. It makes me realize how quickly her life is going to go by, and how soon she'll be gone. Catie too. This poem brought even more conviction with the text from my husband.
So the Lord is teaching me thankfulness... and so much more. For these days that seem so hard but in hind sight, they are just part of the journey. And I love every step of the journey.
So I am going to get off here and play with my daughter as she serves me invisible coffee from a plastic cup smaller than my fist, and a plastic orange in a yellow bowl... my favorite of all snacks.

Welcoming Spring!

Today was the first day the girls were medicine-free! No breathing treaments, no fevers, no tylenol... Of course, after the whole week of Gabbi going crazy during bedtime and staying up for two hours and realizing the albuterol makes her hyper we decided that was it. So we were all better just in time to head to Fountain City Park and welcome spring! The first time we've been out in a week! Here are a few pictures from our day:

**after publishing my post I realized that only half of some of the pictures show up. if you click on the picture it will bring the whole thing up in a new window. don't know why it's doing this? any tips?**

Gabbi's first request was to feed the ducks.

Sweet girl didn't even notice that the ducks really weren't hungry. Not a single duck swam up to us like the usually do. They probably were full since I'm sure every other two-year-old in Knoxville wanted to feed them today too.

I love this. Gabbi's interpretation of "tear it up" is "tear it in half" then throw it in the water.

It's funny how Gabbi has "friends" everywhere. As we were walking up to the playground she asked "am I going to play with my friends?" :) She met this sweet little girl on the tire swing.

I think she is absolutely gorgeous.

So big on the "big girl" swing!

"YOU wanna picture of ME?"

Catie's first time swinging!

My other gorgeous girl showing off her new teeth!

We're so creative.

The only way to end a day like today is with ice cream! We asked Gabbi where she wanted to get ice cream (just to see what she would say) and after thinking for a moment she said "the red house". Smart girl. She's talking about Bruster's, of course!

Don't worry, Catie-bug, you'll get ice cream soon.

THE END.

Great way to end our week and send our girls off to Nana & Poppy's this weekend in Louisville. I'm going to miss them in this empty house. But Dustin & I have some serious spring cleaning/ renovating to do to this place. If we're super productive, I may post some picture of our work.

Love my beautiful girls :)

My sick babies...

It has been a rough couple weeks here in our neck of the woods! About a month ago, Catie got a nasty cold, but it wasn't anything too serious. Quickly afterward, Gabbi came down with a cough too. Hers wasn't nearly as bad as Catie's. I'm typically not the kind of mom who takes her kids to the Dr at the first sneeze or cough, but RSV has been going around our circle recently and it is the LAST thing I wanted Catie to get. Babies are sometimes in the hospital because of it. I just have this vision in my mind of her not being able to breath, or being dehydrated, or worse... I just do NOT wan it! So I called the Dr and he tested her, and she was fine. There colds wore off since. Then within 10 days they graciously gave their illness to Daddy. I thought it was looking good for me to not get it, since I'm super woman and everything. Dustin was wiped out for a few days, ended up going to the walk-in clinic and paying 60 bucks for them to tell him he'll be better in a few more days. He was. Then it seemed as if there was peaceful in our house for a few days... the calm before the storm. I had the worst sore throat and cough I've had in a long time. I haven't been so miserable in so long. So two Sundays ago, it was my turn for the walk-in clinic. The verdict, bronchitis. The following Tuesday, Gabbi was running at 102 fever in the middle of night and we took her to the ER because I decided to panic. The verdict, URI/ Bronchitis and he gave her an antibiotic... the did nothing. Thurday morning Catie began coughing again and Gabbi still wasn't ANY better, we couldn't get her fever down. So Friday at Gabbi's "recheck" they were both diagnosed with RSV.

My worst nightmare. The only thing is, I really didn't freak out. I almost laughed... it's just our turn.

This winter, Catie hasn't been in the nursery at church at all. We rarely put Gabbi in there either. I've been trying to keep them away from all the germs and illness that pass around since all children their age decide to put everything in their mouths. And no one has yet mastered "cover you cough". I wash Gabbi's hands like crazy. I give her orange juice every morning, thinking this is going to "strengthen" her immune system or something... Ha. I have no control. I think I do... only... I don't.

My children could never see another child face to face and be hibernating all winter and if the Lord wanted them to have RSV they still would. It's that simple. I need to as forgiveness for thinking I could keep them safe. I can't. They are His children that He is letting me "borrow" and He is the ONLY One that can protect them. It's almost a huge relief when you look at it from that perspective. Trying to keep two babies from any pain or illness or injury is an exhausting job! I have no control. Hallelujah!

Skating Adventures.

Yes. It's been almost a year...
A lot has happened within the year and to recap everything would mean our dinner would probably not get on the table tonight. Hopefully with every post over the next few weeks, I'll recall something that's happened this past year. That's my goal anyway.

So, right now, I'll begin with the obvious.
On September 1st of last year, we had a beautiful new addition to our family.

Caitlin Hope Haddock.

The adjustment was hard at first. Especially on sweet Gabbi girl, who wasn't so sweet on the "idea" of Catie. She loved Catie, but didn't love having to share Mommy & Daddy.
Catie is now 6 months old, and we can't imagine life without her. Neither can Gabbi. I love how close in age they are and pray they will grow so close as the years go by. I imagine them being the best of friends.

The Olympics were this year and I think I enjoyed them more this year than I ever have. Of course, my favorite event to watch was figuring skating. Gabbi enjoyed it too, and although she didn't hardly stay up to watch it, what she did catch she loved. My favorite part of Gabbi watching figure skating was being able to watch her mimic the skaters. She'd spin around in circles in the living room, run and jump and attempt to spin while jumping, and then go on to grab her foot, holding it in the air and yell "I'm skating, watch me!"
Of course, the only logical next step was to take her to the ice chalet off Kingston Pike. We could have a prodigy on our hands, right?? The next Michelle Kwan...



Well, maybe not. But it was a lot of fun. I couldn't help but laugh when I traded in Gabbi's boots for the rental skates. The girl handed me the next to the smallest size skates they had, and without a doubt the tiniest ice skates I could ever have imagined. They were so cute! (If you can imagine "cute" ice skates) My favorite part, though, was Gabbi calling the "zamboni" (for those who don't know, that zamboni is the large machine that cleans the ice) the "macaroni". When we were leaving she kept saying she wanted to "see the macaroni again". Silly girl.
After ice skating, we ventured to the one and only Chick-fil-a. What better way to end the evening? We've grown to love chick-fil-a... mainly because with Gabbi's allergy it's the cheapest place we can eat out. Our options are pretty limited.

Well. Nap time will soon be over, and I haven't done a thing I was planning on. My chores await :)

Gabbi's Favorite Song

It was a sick weekend in the Haddock house. I woke up Friday morning to a crib full of vomit. (Nice, huh, Bub?) Gabbi had never been sick like this before, so it was a new experience all the way around- for her and I both. Saturday she wasn't completely back to normal. She was feeling great by her actions, playing hard, but still wasn't eating good and a tad bit clingy. Just this evening for dinner was actually the first time she's eaten a good meal since Thursday. I feel aweful for her though b/c of the allergy and tummy problems she's had she's always been small and scrawny. Just in the past 2 months has she started to gain weight. A stomach bug would've been the last thing I would have asked for for her as far as illnesses go. But, the Lord is sovereign and it truly has kept us looking to Him. All weekend long I've just asked Him to sustain me and He has... a stomach bug is never the illness I want to clean up after, but being pregnant just adds to it. But I was okay, and I never got it. Praise the Lord!

In Gabbi's little baby book there's a section about her "growing" and place to list her "favorite things". One of which is a favorite song. I've thought about this a few times and have wondered if she's actually to the point yet where she can understand different songs and have a "favorite". Over the past several months, maybe the past year, "Amazing Grace- My Chains are Gone" has been a favorite of mine, and one that I often sing to her. There are a couple that I sing to her, but I think My Chains are Gone is definitely the most frequent. So, Saturday night we went to some friends' house which we often do- we lay her down and wake her up whenever we go home and put her right back to bed. Truly, never have had a problem. Saturday I guess with her still not being completely normal we laid her back down and she cried and cried. She'd stop and start again. So Dustin and I decided I'd go in there- we usually let her cry, but with the circumstances we thought I could go comfort her. I picked her up and we laid down on the futon that's in her room. I sang several songs to her and she just laid on my chest, not crying, but not going back to sleep. After maybe 3 or 4 songs I sang "My Chains are Gone"... when I finished the song a I started another one, but immediately Gabbi sat up and said "NightNight" and looked toward her bed. Almost as if "Thanks Mommy, that's what I was waiting for; I'll go to bed now." I went to bed with a little smile on my face, but didn't know what to think of it. Coincidence?

Tonight was a similar story. She asked me to go to bed at about 6:30. She does this periodically, a blessing completely. It was a little earlier than normal, and with it still being light outside I didn't know how she'd do. I heard her off and on talking/ fussing for a while. Then at about 8:00 we came upstairs. Dustin went in her room to check on her, he picked her up for just a moment and when he laid her back down she screamed for "mommy! mommy!" You have to know, this is a rare occasion. She is totally a Daddy's girl and even when Daddy's not around she cries for him. Dustin had picked her up again and when I walked into the room she reached for me immediately. She snuggled up to me and I asked her (as if she knows what it means) "do you want to sing?" and she said "yeah" (default answer). So I sang "My Chains are Gone", and right at the last couple lines she sat up and reached for her bed. She got cozied in with 'Blankie' and 'Puppy' without another peep the rest of the night.

Coincidence? I don't think so anymore. I believe Gabbi now has a favorite song. Too sweet!!!

Morning Mercies

Something funny happened for the second time this morning. I am a relatively heavy sleeper, a little less so these days being pregnant and having to get up at least once during the night. But I rarely wake up when Dustin gets out of bed; actually, when I do wake up I'm on his side of the bed and wonder "how did I get here?" This morning, as one morning a week or two ago, I open my eyes half way and actually get frustrated with him: "why did he leave the lamp on?!" I roll over, but there is still this bright light coming from the side of the room. I can't fall back asleep because he has "left the lamp on", so I sit up with a big sigh, rub my eyes and look to turn off the light... then chuckle at myself. I can't turn off the light, b/c it's coming from the sun shining in through our window! This light, I love.

I think I'm more anxious for spring this year than I have ever been in my life. I'm sitting at my desk, a small breeze and music from the birds coming through my window. If I wasn't pregnant, a cup of coffee would be in front of me. Now that sounds good! I guess this glass of water will just have to suffice. My bible is open to Psalm 96, what I can't seem to get away from on mornings like this.

"Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy..."
vv.11-12

I can't help but think that the earth is rejoicing & the trees in my back yard, as well as the birds in them, are singing for joy. And the Lord is over it all... He commands the breeze to blow, and it does. He commands the birds to sing a song, and they do. In a matter of weeks He'll command the trees & flowers to bud, and they will. All things come to pass- births, deaths, and seasons- in His perfect time. I love the promise of Spring. Just as we have to walk through the valley to stand upon the mountain, to even know we're standing on a mountain, in the same way we have to walk through the cold death of winter to know the beauty and warmth of spring. Maybe that's why I'm more anxious for spring this year. Because the Lord is doing the same thing in creation as He is doing in my heart, in mine and Dustin's life. It's a wonderful thing! I just want to take Gabbi outside and dance with the trees!!! (With the picture from Prince Caspian in my mind.)
We must get outside today.