Growing our Girls

The old is gone, the new has come!

2012-01-01T17:21:00.000-08:00

I am not even going to touch on my failure to blog the past couple months. Why? Because it's a new year & beating up on myself about my failures is one thing I'm committing to *quit* in 2012. A resolution, if you will.

My thought on New Year's Resolutions? I welcome them. I love the idea of a fresh start... I love the newness of opening a calender- or turning the page over- and seeing the blankness that lies before my eyes. A new year. A mystery that causes a smile to spread across my face. What will it hold?? Although many resolutions flop after a couple months (or more accurately for me, a couple weeks)... it's okay. Isn't that just another opportunity to look to Christ? Doesn't the same thing happen when we try to earn our righteousness? It's a flop. You can't do it. This new year, I'm striving to cling ever more so closely to my Savior, my righteousness.

My resolution? To grow. I just want to grow.

I would be lying if I were to tell you 2011 wasn't the hardest year of my life thus far. There were more changes in my life than I was ready for, which equal more challenges in my life than I was ready for. More deaths in my family than I could have imagined. More spiritual battles than I asked for. All resulting in some serious emotional battles. Jesus has definitely been walking me through a valley. And although He hasn't left my side, that hasn't made it easy.

I'm stepping into a new year with the promises that His mercies are new. If they are new every morning, that's got to mean they're new every year as well, right? I'm longing for & praying for an outpouring of His mercy and grace in my life in 2012. I want to grow... all the struggles I've been through in the past year are Him putting me through the refiner's fire. He's been pruning me. While pruning is such a painful experience, it's necessary for new growth!

I want to grow in my relationship with my Savior... which will pour over in my relationship with my husband and daughters. I want to grow as a wife, as a mom & homemaker. I want to grow in forgiveness. If it's one thing I've learned this past year, it's that I hold onto things for way too long. I don't forgive as my Christ has forgiven me. I want to lay that down at His feet & grow in that. I want to grow in my love for & service to others. To love like Christ loved & serve as He served. I want to grow in knowledge, to learn... we're never done learning. I want to read more- the Word, fiction, nonfiction. I'd love to become a part of book club. Any suggestions on that would be appreciated! I want to grow in fitness. I've posted before that I love to run, and "in another life" I was a runner. I want to take this up again, and begin working out again. I just want to be healthy- spiritually & physically. I want to grow in thankfulness... instead of sitting back & dwelling on the things that are hard & painful, I want to receive those things with a heart of thanksgiving- knowing that all things my God allows for my good.

This desire, this resolution, is nothing if I attempt to work it out in my own strength. In all things I want to be seeking God's glory & His power through to work through me. I wanted to post about it because it's been on my heart, because I want my readers- however few and far between- to know I haven't given up on this blog, and I want some accountability!

Anyone else want to share their resolutions? Anyone want to grow with me?

My Baby Loves to Dance

2011-10-10T09:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, on October 9th, my precious oldest daughter turned four.

Where, or where, does time go? To be honest, I've been dreading this day. Turning one was exciting and fun, as was two & three. But four. Four I've had a hard time with for some reason. Over the past few months we've all noticed her just *acting* bigger- phrases she says, or silly jokes she tells. This past year, she's truly gone from "baby" to "little girl". I think that's the part I've had the hardest time with.

She has become so much more independent in the past year. She is able to go entertain herself- she get's crayons & a coloring book out, and can sit at the table by herself & color... and clean up too. She is able to potty all by herself. She is able to put herself in bed for rest time. She is able to clean her room (for the most part). She loooves to brush her hair all by herself. So many big girl things! I can't believe the changes in *just* one year!

Gabbi is an amazing little girl. Absolutely unique from head to toe. She is, what I believe to be, the perfect combination of "tomboy" & "girly girl". She has the best imagination- including her friend "Frances" in on most family occasions. She loves to play princesses- something I never encouraged or pushed on her, but she just loves them so I won't hinder that. As I type she's sitting here with a little Melissa & Doug dress-up magnet Princess. Not only is she dressing her, but she's talking to & carrying on with her- in a totally different world. I love listening to her & watching her play.

At the same time, she loves the outdoors. Camping & hiking are at the top of some of her favorite things to do. She loves to look at the trees changing colors, and on hikes she is constantly stopping to pick up or take a closer look at something. Oh, the things we can learn from a child! While we are such goal-oriented people and just want to get to the destination, my sweet girl reminds us it's not about that destination, the end... it's about the walk we are taking, stop and enjoy it.... take it in! She loves to play sports outside with her daddy. Kicking around the soccer ball, or throwing a ball. She also loves exercising. Her little version of it anyway- which include yoga stretches (not the whole yoga exercise in its entirety) her & I look at on youtube, or doing sit ups/ push ups with her daddy.

She loves to learn, and has started asking so many questions that I (most of the time) love taking the time to explain to her. Why are the leaves changing colors? Why does it rain? And recently, a very important one, what does it mean to be separated from God? I pray her curiosity never ceases, and that I don't burn it out or blow it off because of selfishness & lack of patience.

She is able now to write her name from memory, and can copy words that I write. I don't know what a "typical" 4 year-old's art work looks like, but her pictures are amazing! She draws some excellent pictures of princess, our family, and rainbows.

She is such a silly little bundle of energy. Telling "jokes" she makes up. For instance: "knock knock!" (who's there) "Orange" (Orange who?) "Orange pudding, I didn't say banana!" ... she tries :)

Her favorite color is purple (and pink). Favorite food is broccoli. Her favorite TV show is Strawberry Shortcake. Favorite movie is Tangled. Her favorite place to go is "Nana's house!" Gabbi's favorite animal is a sheep, and her favorite book for us to read is "Take Care, Good Knight" (because it's silly). Her favorite song to sing "God Made Me" (on Slugs & Bugs CD). A game she likes to play is "Duck Duck Goose". When asked who her best friend is, she says Madison (Franse). And she says when she is *all grown up* she wants to be a Princess.
Finally, my baby *loves* to dance! She started dancing right as she turned a year old. I will never forget living in this little townhouse in Powell, where our washer/ dryer were in the dining area. When a wash was running its spin cycle amd making a steady beat, Gabbi sat in her high chair eating lunch, dancing to the beat. No music at all, but she heard music.
She dances everywhere. Up & down the hallway, all around the house. Sometimes, to be honest, it grates my nerves because our house is so tiny... but I'm working on & praying for my ability to let things go. Choose my battles. On most days, I love that she doesn't want to sit still. She is so much like me in that way. I had her signed up for a dance camp this summer, and was so sad when she came down with strep throat the same week. Maybe next year things will work out!

My brother & sister-in-law bought Gabbi & Catie a CD for Christmas last year called "Slugs & Bugs & Lullabies" by Andrew Peterson. There is this song on it called "My Baby Loves to Dance" that I thought of Gabbi the moment I first heard it. I decided to post the lyrics with several pictures of my baby growing up over the years.

"My Baby Loves to Dance"

My baby loves to dance,

She loves to spin around

She's only two feet tall,

But I don't mind at all

She hears a song in every little sound.

And my baby loves to move,
She settles on my chest,

She doesn't stay for long, a moment and she's gone

She's off to find another heart to bless.

And the leaves were turning golden brown,

People came from miles around,

To see her when she came to town.

Then I turned to walk outside,

Stood beneath an Autumn sky,

I felt a season falling,

And a new one taking flight.

My baby loves me so,

She loves me as I am.

She lifts her little hands,

Her wish is my command

I'll pick her up forever if I can.

-Andrew Peterson

Gabbi, we are in awe of what the Lord has done in you over the passed four years! You are growing up to be such a beautiful little girl- you are learning and doing so much! Our prayer is that as you grow & continue to learn, the Lord would open your heart to Him. That you will learn & believe His love for you. He loves you so much more & so much better than we ever could. Happy Birthday, Pumpkin!

A Catie-Bug Birthday!!

2011-10-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how Gabbi's birthday is on Saturday, I think I should get a post on here about Catie's!

On Friday, September 9th, Dustin & I were able to take Catie out on a Birthday Date! The first of what will be a yearly tradition with each of our sweet girls. As our family grows, especially in these little years, individual attention seems to be precious & hard to come by. So on our babies' birthdays, we want to be able to take them out, on their own, and devote some quality time to just them- doing whatever they choose to do. Of course, this will look different for each child & different with each age. This year, for instance, Catie couldn't exactly tell us where she wanted to go. But we know this girls looooves pizza, so we chose based on what she likes!

In an effort to find good, handmade pizza and stay in the Old North Knoxville community, we decided on Harby's Pizza & Deli. Well, it wasn't until after her birthday we were told we should have gone to Pizza Palace on Magnolia. But ah well... Harby's was good, but not somewhere we'll be going back again, I don't believe. Catie sure didn't complain!

After pizza we headed to Marble Slab.

How sweet it was of the girl at the counter to give us her little kiddie cup "on the house". They don't typically do anything special for birthdays at Marble Slab, but I guess that little face is just irresistable! We got Catie "Cake Batter" ice cream with sprinkles. I never will understand sprinkles to be honest, they don't have much taste, but kids love them. I guess I understood them when I was a kid :) I enjoyed my Key Lime ice cream with graham cracker mixin'.

Honestly, Catie loved eating, but I'm not sure she really enjoyed the quality time as much as we did. Especially since she cried almost the whole way to the pizza place for her "Sissy". But next year she will understand more... and we're looking forward to our time with Gabbi this Friday.

Saturday, Sept 10th we loaded up & headed to Adair Park for Catie's Minnie Mouse birthday!

My super talented friend Lauren Pulliam made Catie's Minnie pillowcase dress.

And I was able to get a bit crafty on a few decorations as well.

Catie's little friend Zoe came out to play & celebrate with us.

My brother, sister-in-law & our little nephew came out. Only something as special as Catie's birthday allows for Ben to wear something other than UT Orange on game day! Notice his little Mickey ears :)

My daddy, the self-appointed family photographer, often drives people a little nuts with his checklist of group shots at family functions. You'd think we were at a wedding sometimes. But we all have to admit, years down the road we'll be thankful for shots like these. Four generations of ladies! My girls, myself, my mom, grandma, and *great great* aunt (great-grandma's sister). She lives in Newport News, VA and this is the first time she's been able to be out here with us to celebrate a birthday!

My grillin' man & his friends.

Sweet, silly friends. Gabbi adores little miss Adah.

Apparently someone doesn't like all the attention that comes with being sung to. I will treasure this picture always!

Yummy Rita's Cake! Mom has been getting the girls' cakes from there for two years now. They are delicious, as well as adorable.

I just love birthdays!!!
It is my prayer that as we celebrate our children on their special day, we are always pointed to the One truly worth celebrating. We want our children to know the One who has entrusted them to us, the One who created them uniquely, individually, and perfectly. That HE never makes a mistake, that they are beautiful because they are made in HIS image & that they are lovely because HE loves them. We are forever grateful to the Lord for blessing us in such a mighty way- with our beautiful & precious baby girls!

Please Pass the Polenta

2011-09-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

I am losing my mind. I'm pretty sure that pregnancy/ breastfeeding kill brain cells (joke).

But seriously, I went grocery shopping a couple days ago while my mom was here with the two big girls. When I got home, it was time for Ruthie to take a nap. Mom left, and I proceeded to lay Ruthie down. It wasn't until I was outside opening up the door to the van that I realized "What in the world am I doing trying to put Ruthie in the van?! She needs her bed!" Sooo we walk back inside & I put her in bed. Now it was time to get groceries (what I believe I was originally trying to do while holding Ruthie). So I walk outside, think to myself "it's beautiful out here!", go check the mail, thumb through it, come back into the house and realize "Wait, I wasn't meaning to get the mail I was meaning to get the groceries!!"
So you could imagine my frustration with myself & how convinced I was that I was *crazy* when I completely misplaced dinner yesterday.
I was making chicken and cheesy polenta (similar to grits, but a "healthier" version) with broccoli. The chicken was already in the oven, as I was on the phone chatting with my friend who recently moved to Nashville. I pulled everything out of the pantry, turned water on to boil, thena few minutes later when it was boiling reached for the bag of polenta. It wasn't there. Hmmm...
I searched all over my counters again, searched and researched the pantry, I even looked in the refrigerator thinking I placed it there. I was laughing at myself out loud to my friend as I went on and on about how crazy I am that I even misplaced our dinner! (I had just told her about my recent temporary loss of insanity the previous day.)
Trying to retrace my steps, I looked in the girls' bedroom & the bathroom (remembering that Gabbi had recently gone potty & Catie woke up from her nap). Maybe it was there? Nope. My friend told me to go ahead and get off the phone to figure it out & call her later. Once I was off the phone, I looked at G & C sitting at the table coloring. I picked C up & looked in her booster, then asked Gabbi to move so I could look in her chair.

"Have you seen a bag of food?" I asked G.

"Nope," she replied, as I walked back into the kitchen and began searching again. "I just hid it."
"You hid what?"
"That food you were talking about. I hid it," she said cheerfully. "Come on! I'll show you! Follow me!" I followed her into the living room, where she reached under the side table that sits between our two couches and pulls out the bag of Polenta... giggling.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, laughing.
"I was just being silly," she shrugged.

What a silly girl!!!

She heard my entire conversation as I frantically searched our home for some missing bag of polenta, convinced I had lost my mind. I can only imagine what was going on in her little head.

As I continued cooking a few minutes later she looked up at me from her coloring book, "Mommy, I'm sorry I hid that from you."
"Aw Baby, I forgive you, you were funny. Just don't do it anymore okay?"
I'm absolutely thankful for little moments like this in my life, where my sweet silly girls keep me laughing.

Waiting on Autumn...

2011-09-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

I love this time of year.

I do love autumn, it just barely beats Spring for my favorite season.

Right now, I'm lying on the couch and our windows are open. A breeze gently blows and the curtains dance. Anytime of year where the windows can be open is good... but there's something about the bringing in of Fall that just makes my heart happy.

Maybe because I was kinda a nerd & loved school growing up...

Maybe it's because during this time 5 years ago I was newly engaged and starting to plan a wedding. Engagement pictures were made, and I was just floating on Cloud9...

Maybe it's because two of my three babies were born this time of year & there is just nothing in the world like a newborn filling your home with joy...

Maybe it's because my family loves football, and I have countless great memories from my childhood that revolve around "football season".

Regardless of what it is, there is something about the changing seasons that I love. That make me meditate on the faithfulness of the Lord. His timing his perfect, right down to the changing seasons. The seasons are constant... we always know Fall follows Summer, Winter follows Fall, then comes Spring, and Summer follows Spring... we never question it. In the same way the Lord is constant, His ways are constant, His faithfulness is forever. He commands the seasons to change, and the seasons show the character of God. Consistent. In every way the seasons show His mercy.

Summer is so hot & at times unbearable, the cool breathe of autumn is what we all wait for & we receive it with thanksgiving.

Winter is chilled, and with it comes the sleeping of plants, the longer nights... but it gives way to the warmth & life of spring.

It's cloudy now & I even love that. It's as if time is standing still... and we are all waiting. Waiting on Autumn, when we will all take a big, deep sigh of relief... Ah, summer is over. Fall is here. We'll put on jackets, we'll go on hikes, we'll pick pumpkins, and then as if it couldn't get any better, we will feast. There is so much to celebrate about Autumn. So much to celebrate about our great God.

LET US COME INTO HIS PRESENCE WITH THANKSGIVING;

LET US MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE TO HIM WITH SONGS OF PRAISE!

Psalm 95:2

Baby is 4 Months!

2011-09-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!

This is the longest so far I've been nursing any of my babies.. now we are in uncharted territory, but things are going well!

With all the excitement yesterday, I cannot fail to post that Charity Ruth is now 4 MONTHS OLD! This second picture I think is kinda funny with that expression, but until mom gets back and gets her fancy camera in action... it's the best we've got!

We don't have a checkup until October, so I'm not sure of her weight & stats... but I'd be willing to bet she's closer to 16lbs by now! She's the squishiest sweet baby ever. I just love all her rolls.

She hasn't quite rolled from back to tummy yet, but she's getting there. What she has done, though, is sat for moment by herself! She's starting to learn to prop herself up with her hands. I guess it's because she's got a big base to do this haha! I don't expect her to be sitting fully alone for a while, but this surprised me none the less.

Other than that, and her just continuing to be more & more alert there aren't too many more recent developments with Ruthie. She still is just an easy to please, happy baby!

Hopefully we'll get a good photo shoot soon & I'll be able to post some better, end of summer pics of all the girls.

Two Years Too Fast...

2011-09-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Caitlin Hope entered the world two years ago, September 1st at 11:22am.

She was 7lbs 1oz, a tiny thing and to this day still is. But what she "lacks" in size, she has always made up for in personality!

((catie & mommy: newborn snuggles))

((a treasured photo: catie & her *great,great,great* uncle robert. a precious man, adored by many, who passed away in march '11))

((5 month old catie-bug))

((easter '10: six months old))

((8 month old pasta lovin' catie))

((9 mons old))

*First Birthday Memories*

((15 months old))

((16 mons))

((18 months old))

((20 months old))

*Second Birthday Fun*

Catie-bug loved waking up to a floor full of balloons. Unfortunately, she absolutely would not sit still on the floor long enough for me to get a picture of her surrounded by them. So the big smile will have to suffice. Today was Catie's day... I stayed up late last night catching up/ trying to get ahead on the daily chores so that today all my attention would be her's (and the other two of course). We spent the day playing, reading her favorite books, playing outside on the swing set & swimming in the pool, visiting with Aunt LaLa & cousin Ben, and watching a couple shows of *her* choice. We topped the day off with beans & rice for dinner. I know, not the dinner of a queen, but the dinner of Catie. She loves this dish (tied with Pizza as her favorite). Tomorrow night Dustin & I are taking her out on a birthday DATE while my sweet friend keeps the other two, where she will chow down on some pizza. And her birthday party will be next week, since Nana & Poppy are out of town this weekend.

Catie-bug is an absolute joy to everyone she meets. She is the silliest, sweetest, snuggliest two-year-old I know. Much more friendly than her sister was at this age... Catie will go to anyone with two arms to hold her. She is still quite attached to her paci (something Mommy needs to work on!) & her blankey & her Daddy (we hope this is the case for a long long time!). At home Catie is a totally different personality than when we're out. She's quite fiery. I love to joke that she has one volume & one speed: loud & fast. She has a temper, but has the softest heart at the same time. She loves her sisters. She's so attached to Gabbi that I don't know what she'd do without her. Someone asked me several weeks ago, "What does Catie like to do?" And to be quite honest, it took me a while to think of what *she* likes to do, because well, she likes to do whatever Gabbi is doing! She follows Gabbi around all day long.

Out in public, at parks or church, Catie is much more reserved. She'll sit & watch for a while, scoping our her surroundings, before she dives into play. I've heard on more than one occasion when picking her up from class at church "She just wanted me to hold her the whole time!" She's more quiet, and more of a "watcher"... I find this so interesting! I guess home is her comfort zone.

Catie is talking more & more. Unlike her sister, who practically came out speaking in complete sentences, this has been a slow (well, average) development. It's been fun witnessing this process, since I can't really remember a time when Gabbi was "learning" to talk. Now, if we could get the pacifier out of her mouth we would probably understand her more!

She loves to dance, jump, do "somies" (forward rolls), and unintentionally terrify her baby sister. Kidding. Ruthie loves to watch her run all over the place. Her new favorite thing to do is climb into the exersaucer since we got it back out, and go crazy... I guess she didn't quite get her fill the first year of her life. She loves books... particularly Sandra Boynton books. I love hearing her repeat "Blue Hat, Green Hat" by saying "oopth!" on every page then laughing hysterically. She also likes Dr. Suess's "Fox in Socks" when she can sit through the whole thing. "Let's Dance, Little Pookie" is another favorite. She loves to sing... or rather, be sung to. Her most often requested song is "This little light of mine". She holds up her finger and says "Shine! Shine!" She loves songs with hand motions.

We love our sweet Catie-Bug.

Couldn't imagine life without her & thank the Lord each day for the joy she brings to our life!!

HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY, BOO-BOO!!!

Changes...

2011-08-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

My little waterbabies.

In the past I've prided myself on not being a "type A" personality.

I'm laid back. I am not a natural leader & canNOT make a decision. Even though my lack of decision making, I think, stems from a fear of man & secretly wanting to make everyone happy (not necessarily a good thing). I don't schedule. I'm so not a scheduler, nor am I organized. I've always been pretty go-with-the-flow, wherever the day takes us, nap/no nap, whatever.......

So three kids & no schedule, let me tell you how that's going for me... it's not.

Can you excuse me for a minute while I scream:::

AAaaHhhhHHHhhhhHHHHhh

Ok. Thanks :)

Now, I'll clarify by saying I'm not swinging to the other end of the pendulum and going "Babywise" on Baby Girl or anything. Gary Ezzo & I aren't friends. However, my big girls need some structure. So last week, in the midst of this crazy little corner called *my life* I sat down and wrote out a *tentative* daily schedule. Can you picture this? It's after lunch, I still haven't showered for the day & am fashionably sporting my new daily do of "bed head". My house looks like the bottom of a toaster, I finally have the 2 younger girls down for a nap, Gabbi is bouncing off the walls & I'm scrounging for whatever pen & paper I find laying around. Determined to, one day, create order in this home!

My fear of schedules is deep-rooted though. I have such a tendency toward legalism that I've grown to fear schedules. I've feared making ourselves a daily list of "tasks" that have to be accomplished. If said things aren't accomplished, I've created an avenue of false guilt for myself. I've done this in the past. But sitting around in our jammies watching NickJr till 11:30 isn't the answer either. Which is the pattern a new baby + excruciating hot summer creates. So finding that balance is my goal!

I'm supposed to have 2 years until Gabbi starts school... we don't do Mother's Day Out, or preschool or anything like that, but I have been wanting to start some preschool at home with her. As much as she wants to anyway- I don't want to squash her love of learning by trying to fit her into a mold. So I've already decided if preschool becomes a struggle we're going to stop. She does love to learn, though, & has enjoyed the little "school" sessions we've done the past week. If she does well with preschool this year, I see myself going ahead and starting Kindergarten a year ahead, next year.

I'm getting ahead of myself though... I put our "tentative schedule" into practice last week and we did great!! The TV was consistently off after Gabbi watched her show of choice at 8:30. Catie got her one choice of TV show later in the morning. She had "alone play" time while Gabbi and I did little "school" sessions- which mainly consisted of practicing her Awana verses, learning the days of Creation, and letter writing. It's good enough for now to get us into a little routine until we actually purchase a preschool curriculum when she turns 4 in October. In the afternoon is Gabbi's alone play time while Catie and I have some much needed one-on-one play time. I've realized the past few months my sweet girl has gotten lost in the chaos. I get alone time with Gabbi because she gets up earlier than Catie. I get plenty of quality time with Ruthie between breastfeeding & babywearing. My Catie-bug is just always awake when someone else is. I've realized this is something I need to be intentional about doing. I think she *might* be enjoying our quality time as much as I am... but maybe not ;)

The schedule will need some tweaking as Ruthie gets bigger and works herself into a routine. And when it gets a little cooler out we'll have daily outside play time. Right now, however, it is just too hot for all of us. There is zero shade in our yard & we (I guess by "we" I really mean "Mommy") just can't bear the heat. So a couple times a week is all we get right now. I'm also trying to integrate a weekly (meaning, same time every week) trip to the grocery store & Farmer's Market. Right now it's just been "I'll take what I can get" (whether that's after Dustin gets home after 6, or sunday nights at 9, or when mom happens to have the girls)...and same as cooking. I love to cook... but all these things falling into place have not been happening since our Baby entered our family. She seriously has shaken my world!!! And I have just not bounced back yet & found our new normal.

So here you have it. Our new normal is organization!!! It's just desperately needed with 3 little ones under 4... I'm finding my way. Any of my organized Mommy friends, please feel free to share your daily schedules or a tip for creating order in your home!

A few more pictures for your viewing pleasure :)

*somebody rolled over!*

*she is getting so big*

*little sweet face*

3 Months are gone already??

2011-08-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Charity Ruth

3 months old

8/1/11

It's hard to believe three months have already past. And yet, it feels like she's always been with us. Time is such a funny thing, isn't it? We wait & wait for something, and it seems like it's forever. Then we blink, and it's gone.

Ruthie is a precious baby girl. We love her more than words could express & couldn't imagine life without her. She's very loved by her big sisters as well. And she thinks they're the greatest things ever... she'll just smile and smile at them as long as they stand in front of her talking. I can't wait to see how their relationships grow as she gets bigger.

Ruthie sleeps through the night now, and has been since about 9 weeks old. She's still nursing well, but will take a bottle if we need her too: that's a blessing! She smiles, and coos, and her most recent development is rolling over (from tummy to back). She hasn't rolled from back to tummy yet, and I'm okay with that. I'm not ready for her first "steps" of mobility!! She will lie on her back and stare & coo at the ceiling fan: a favorite among many babies I think.

She really is a happy baby over all. She has typical spells of fussiness, but they're quickly resolved with food or sleep. She's the first ever thumb sucker of the Haddock children! Mommy couldn't be happier about this. I know many people have many different opinions on thumb sucking, but after having Catie and her major attachment issues with her pacifier, I'll take a self-soothing thumb sucker any day!

I'll end with some sweet shots I grabbed this afternoon:

*gotta love the drool*

*smiling through fingers*

*do you see the dimple? i love it!*

Charity Ruth, we love you & praise God for placing you in our lives. You are a blessing more than you will ever know. We continue to pray for God to give you a heart that knows His love, loves Him in return, and that will follow Him wherever He leads you.

Aunt Biddy vs. Nana

2011-07-26T10:56:00.001-07:00

Has anyone ever had someone in their life- well, I'm sure we all have- that we'll call "Aunt Biddy". The member of the family you will never please. Always has something to say about your weight, your clothes, your hair, your life decisions, your parenting decisions, etc. She's very passive aggressive in her comments about said things. No matter how hard you try- or don't try, whatever- she has all the answers. You hate to ask her a favor because she'll let you know, ever so slyly, that it's a burden to her.

I have enough Aunt Biddys in my life to count on a hand.

I often feel like the black sheep of my family... the one who didn't finish college. The one who married a guy she barely dated. The one who had an oops-of-a- "honeymoon" baby & now just keeps "oops" having babies. I let my kids run around barefoot & I let them climb on the furniture. I had "so much going for me" and now I'm "just" a young mom.

Some people in my family think I'm irresponsible. Or crazy. Or both.

Then there's Nana... I have a Nana I adopted as my own a few years ago, Nana Betty. No matter what she loves me. She loves my kids and is overjoyed with each pregnancy. She sees the Lord's hand in my life- whether or not I make decisions she doesn't agree with, I would never know because she doesn't let me know. She accepts who I am for what I am. And accepts that the Lord has plans for me. I know I could ask anything of her. In the same way my mom is Nana to my girls. Just loves them, and while she doesn't let them get away with anything at her house & sometimes they wear her out, she always welcomes them with open arms. My girls are the apple of her eye.

Everyone needs a Nana in their life.

I never realized how the attitudes of members in your family can really shape your perspective of God the Father. We often have a view of God as an "Aunt Biddy"... we dread going to Him to ask things of Him because we feel as if He is frowning on us. Disappointed in us because of (fill in the blank). We feel like we let Him down, so how could we go to Him? We picture Him saying, with a big sigh," Yes, I'll give you grace to deal with your children today.... IF you do better than you did yesterday." I often feel God is disappointed in me because of decisions I've made in my life & parenting. If only I would have...., then maybe..... The truth is, this isn't TRUTH!

God MY Father is not just another member of my family frowning over me because I didn't graduate from college.

In her book Give Them Grace, Elyse Fitzpatrick writes:

The Lord isn't disappointed in you or in your parenting. He's not disappointed in your prayers. He doesn't treat His dear children as "disappointments" whose disobedience and failures take Him by surprise or shock Him. He does not suspend His love until they get their acts back together. He already knows the worst about you (in yourself) and loves and approves of you nonetheless (in Christ). Although your sin does grieve Him (Eph 4:30), he doesn't want you to keep your distance, sitting in a corner wearing a dunce cap until you learn your lessons. He invites you to come boldly in with joy and confidence, knowing that He is eager to embrace you. You, as a sinner who trusts His Son, Jesus, are able to do that because the Son prays and intercedes for you. The Father loves you.

Our prayer times with the Lord need change from visits with Aunt Biddy to family dinners with (Nana).

I love this reminder. I need this reminder.

He is my all loving Father who longs to show me grace. He waits to show me grace (Is 30:18).

Nothing surprises Him.

I do have confidence in my decisions. In where the Lord has brought me, so quickly, from a careless college student to Mommy of three. There is nothing I would change about my life, not even for the approval of all!

I greatly desire so much more for my daughters than the approval of friends, family, or the world. I pray I can show them they only need to gain the approval of One, and that there is only One Way to gain such approval. I pray my life models this conviction... If the Lord is my Father and He leads and guides every decision I make- or Dustin & I make... then what else matters???

The longings of the heart...

2011-07-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

I had a "come to Jesus" moment with Gabbi this afternoon. I praise God for times when He shows me what is in my unregenerate children's hearts, although I don't always act in thankfulness.

Today we went to Chik-fil-a with Mom. It was great getting out of the house, even if on a rainy day. The rain and clouds held off the close-to-100 degree weather we were supposed to have, so that was nice. After lunch we went to walk around Target & buy some shoes for Catie-bug who has outgrown every pair of her shoes. No joke, we literally took her into Target bare-footed. Her sandals fit her on Sunday. And Monday I noticed her toes hanging off the ends. Growing girl!

Taking a group full of girls to the shoe section in any store is a sure fire way to reveal a covetousness heart- including my own. So there we are, can you picture it, trying on shoes for Catie as she pulls shoes off the shelf. Every size she grabbed was bigger, so she'd shove it in my face saying "sissy shoe. sissy shoe." All the while, Gabbi dances up and down the shoe isles making sure I'm well aware that she just LOVES this pair... no this pair... no she REALLY loves this pair... aren't they so pretty, Mommy??? ((sigh))

Well, they only had one pair and shoes in Catie's size so that made things slightly easier, and we moved onto the clothing section. We had no need to be in the clothing section really, I only wanted to show Mom the small rack of Minnie Mouse clothes I saw there on a previous trip- Catie loves Minnie :)

All the while Gabbi is asking for everything she sees. Everything. "I want this dress... Can we get this shirt?? Ooo no this one." The thing about it was, it didn't frustrate me. It didn't exasperate me. It only made me sad as I realized... am I any different?? Just because I don't verbalize my wants doesn't mean that the Lord doesn't see the depths of my heart as I walk through the store. I want everything I see. "Lord, I wish we could afford this... and this... Why can't I buy every pair of shoes down the isle? Ah, if only... Then I'd be happy." And what I lie that is!

"Gabbi, honey, we did not come to buy dresses. Catie needs shoes, that's the only reason we came," I explained.

"But I waaaaaaant iiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!" Breaking point. In my flesh, any other day, I would turn my head with the well known, "whose child is this?!?!" expression. But the Lord gave me such grace. He HAS shown me such grace, so I passed it on to Gabbi. I hugged her, and I admit, shed some tears as well. What could I say to her?? I was the exact same way. I prayed for God to show me how to address her.

Gabbi, do you know why you want everything you see? She nodded, "Because of my heart." Yes, honey, your heart is selfish and it's not satisfied. I know because I'm the same way. My heart is selfish and I want everything I see in the store too. But you know what? Jesus can satisfy our hearts and all our desires, and he is the only one who can. You know, honey, if Mommy bought you every pair of shoes you liked and all the pretty dresses in the store. If we took them home and filled your room with everything, you still wouldn't be satisfied because you haven't trusted Jesus to satisfy your heart. I'm the same way honey, but I trust Jesus to satisfy me, and He does. Will this dress make you happy? She nodded. No, honey, no it won't. This dress will not make you happy. You think it will right now because your heart is sinful, but it won't. What is the only thing that can truly make you happy? "Jesus." Yes, Baby, Jesus is the ONLY thing that will truly make you happy. Not this dress. Not all the pretty shoes. Nothing. Nothing will make you truly happy. Only Jesus. So let's ask Him to show you how dissatisfied you are without Him. Let's ask Him to satisfy both of our selfish hearts....

What a moment He gave me. I am so thankful for opportunities to see their sinfulness & point out clear examples of how Jesus can change them. After we prayed and we started to walk away, she did continue to cry.

I am not discouraged. It's only evidence that He has not changed her heart yet. I explained that her, that she was showing me she hadn't trusted Jesus yet. And I asked her over and over, "Will that dress make you happy?... No, only Jesus can make you happy."

I am well aware that my words cannot change her. I know I did not say all the right things, and maybe said some wrong things as far as anyone else is concerned... but it is not about what I say or do that will cause Jesus to change her heart.

In the same way nothing I said or did caused Him to change mine. He chose to out of the depths of His grace & mercy. It is that same grace & mercy I look to, and ask for on behalf of my children... and I wait....

I'm No Chef...

2011-07-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

...no matter how hard I try.

This fact was proven yesterday at dinner.

I've never been able to cook beans. Our whole marriage I've tried a handful (or two) of times to cook dried beans. Pinto beans. Lentils. Black beans. Over & over. What happens is it takes at least twice as long as it's supposed to for them to cook for me. Every time I've tried to cook beans, we either eat dinner way late or we just throw something else together & eat what we were supposed to have for dinner, the next day.

Last night was no exception to the rule.

We are striving to eat all whole foods now, so I was determined to make beans work, as they are going to be a major part of our diet.

On the menu for last night was black bean tostadas. I even started dinner 45 minutes before I normally do in an effort to have it done around 6:00 when Dustin would get home. A few minutes before he was supposed to be walking in the door, I checked the black beans... not done. What in the world is going on???

Dustin came in while I was in the kitchen, picked the lid up to look at the beans & asked me about them.
"So what did you do?"

"Well, just as it said. Bring them to a boil & let them simmer for 50minutes.... It's been more like, 90 minutes."

"But you've turned them down, or has it been like this the whole time?"
"Just like that, you know, simmering."
He stuck his finger in the pot, "Babe, this isn't simmering. This is luke warm."

"Huh?"

"Simmering is a low boil."

"Ooohhh... really? I thought it was just--"

"Low?"

Well, uh, yeah... We both got a good laugh at that. Explains the bean problems I've had for the passed 5 years. Wow. Embarrassing.

He told me he wouldn't be sharing that story with anyone... but I'm able to laugh at myself.

Especially since the end result- although an hour late- was absolutely delicious.

Black bean tostadas

Black beans & Mexican brown rice with

Lime cabbage slaw::: raw cabbage & red onions, tossed in olive oil & fresh lime juice, sprinkled with salt & pepper,

on a baked corn tortilla,

Topped with avacado, salsa & sour cream

Another Mommy Moment

2011-06-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

This morning Gabbi & Catie are playing "dinner party". Two little wooden chairs pulled up to their "table" (a laundry basket flipped upside down). While they have a perfectly good wooden Little Tikes table just in the next room, the laundry basket seems much more practical in their little minds I suppose. I do think it's cute how they'd rather pretend than use the real thing :)

This dinner party started off pretty, and turned ugly real quick- as most interactive play does these days. I played mediator for several minutes "Gabbi don't grab, just ask" "Catie, don't squeal and fuss, say please" "Catie, that one is Gabbi's right now" "Gabbi, let Catie play with this one" "Love each other. Love is kind." and so on....

Well, there comes a point in every Mommy's life (at least I hope every mommy) when enough is enough. And I just can't mediate all morning when there's heaps of laundry to fold. And my sanity honestly can't handle one more scream from sweet Catie-Bug. And... well... I just collect all the dinner party dishes in my hands and go put them back in the bucket in the bedroom.

In my frustration, sweet Gabbi still knows how to make me smile. She responded not with cries like I would expect from a preschooler, but with a big sigh of relief as she said: "This is helping very much!!"

I had to laugh. Glad she sees things my way!

I do just love my little ones.

I'm gonna miss these days...

2011-06-11T19:05:00.001-07:00

You know, those days where all you really want to do is take a shower?

.........and finally you get a moment.

Baby is sleeping.

Big sisters have a snack and are currently being entertained by Sesame Street.

conditions. are. perfect.

GO!

Then with a head full of shampoo, well, errr- baking soda- the door opens and you hear "Mommy. I have to go potty." You peek around the curtain and see your well potty trained-or-so-you-thought 3 1/2 yr old standing there in the hallway in a puddle of pee. You call her into the bathroom to undress & get a towel to go cover her pee while you *try to* finish quickly just as you hear them--- tiny toddler feet running down the hallway and....

Yes.

It happened.

There lies Catie-bug.

In Gabbi's pee.

...and suddenly, your peaceful 10mins alone

are crowded by two others in worse need of bathing.

They get in the shower & you hop out for towels to dry them up, and clothes to get them dressed when you hear the inevitable::: Baby starts crying. So it's a *how fast can I possibly get this done* race to at least get a diaper on Catie & panties on Gabbi.

Ok. Not so bad. No one was hurt or scarred- except maybe Mommy.

Feed Baby.

Get a phone call.

Relay to friend the chaos of the morning.

No sooner do you finish that story, when the 20 month old dumps Big Sister's milk from breakfast all in Baby's car seat.

:::sigh:::

I'm gonna miss these day.

So how has it been adjusting to three? Well, some days (like those listed above) I just gotta laugh to keep from crying.

An extra set of hands would be nice.

And it's amazing how just one more child can make your home seem a thousand times smaller... I find myself daydreaming of a bigger home. Ugh discontentment. I hate it.

Laundry stays piles for days at a time, and the bathroom goes longer than I'd care to admit without being cleaned. My house is a wreck, but it's not *dirty*. My kids are in PJs most of the day, but they're loved.

Yeah my hands may be full.... but so is my heart.

The longest blog of my life... Ruthie's Birth Story

2011-05-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

30 days young. My sweet baby girl.

I thought I'd finally take some time to share about her entrance into the world.

And that is my "warning"... only proceed in reading if such topics don't make you uncomfortable ;)

It's always been my desire to have my children naturally. However, with Gabbi we had the unfortunate experience of a horrible doctor combined with not being informed enough, which led to her being birthed by C-section. With Catie, I was so focused on being able to have a VBAC that I didn't prepare mentally or physically for a med-free birth. I wish I would have in hind-sight, seeing as how the epidural I caved in to only took on half my body. Her birth really did go well (and quickly) but my lack of preparation made it miserable.

This time around, I decided to truly become informed & prepare for the natural birth experience I have desired for 3+ years. A great friend of mine recommended I watch the documentary Business of Being Born- where my thoughts & ideas on birth were forever changed. I may write more on that topic sometime in the future. But in the mean time I want to suggest every Mommy, soon-to-be Mommy, or one-day-wants-to-be a Mommy to watch this movie... with an open mind. I feel that we, as women in the US, are terribly uninformed about the risks of all the intervention doctors perform.

Anyway, after watching the movie, I ordered Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and read it, sharing much of it with Dustin along the way since he was going to be the one "coaching" me through the whole process. The movie, coupled with reading this book and one amazingly supportive husband, made me so much more at ease with what was inevitably going to happen. So often doctors here in the states look at childbirth as an illness, something that needs to be "treated", something that is dangerous and you need to be terrified of. Don't believe me? Just watch a few episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC- something "tragic" is always happening lol.

(I will insert here that I am fully aware there are legitimate emergencies during childbirth. There are times when C-sections are honestly necessary. For those circumstances- those true emergencies- I am thankful for modern medicine.) These two things reminded me that childbirth is a natural thing, something our bodies were created to do, and it's nothing that you need fear. The Bradley Method taught me to not fight against contractions, no matter how painful, but to remind myself to work with them, relax through them, and to allow my body to do what it was made to do. Of course, Dr Bradley didn't put this anywhere in his "method", but everything constantly brought me back to the Lord. This is how He created me, what He created me to do, so I knew He would enable me to do it.

So I was ready. At 35 weeks I was starting to progress... and I was ready, just prayed she wouldn't come while Dustin was halfway around the world. Well, she didn't.

Dustin came home from a mission trip to Africa when I was 36 weeks... and I was ready.

I finished washing her clothes & ordering her cloth diapers right at 38 weeks... and I was ready.

Finally got her car seat installed at 39 weeks... and I was ready.

Then it came, April 22nd, her "due date"... and it left... I spent Easter Sunday pregnant, sporting the same maternity dress I wore 2 Easters ago when pregnant with Catie! I thought maybe she wanted to be an "Easter baby"... well, she didn't.

Week 41 came... and it left... and I made jokes about this stubborn girl not wanting to be born in April since that's when I told everyone she was coming. The entire week past her due date i spent taking warm baths in the evenings because I read the only thing that would truly help labor come is getting completely relaxed. So that's what I did. Dustin hardly allowed me to lift a finger once he got off work. He spoiled me with foot rubs & saw it as his duty to get me as comfortable as possible. Which, let's face it, is almost IMpossible 9+ months pregnant.

So we waited, and I prayed that God would grant me peace as I waited and began to get impatient. I prayed constantly for discernment and for Him to remind me if I was the one being stubborn in not letting my doctor induce me. I prayed he would honor my desire for no medical intervention... and prayed He would JUST MAKE HER COME!!!! (Yes, that "all caps" truly was the tone of many of my prayers.)

Then it was here, April 31st. I spent that Saturday morning toting both Gabbi & Catie- and my 9+ month pregnant belly to Gabbi's Weeball game since Dustin had to work for the first time in years. It was a stressful day to say the least. I was tired & frustrated and truly was not walking in the Spirit as I should have been. But as always, my husband was amazing, and encouraged me so much when he got home... even though I do know he was beginning to get anxious as well. We talked about going to my appointment Monday morning and letting my doctor know I was willing to be induced then. Was it really worth all the stress we were both under, and the physical pain I was feeling? After all, I could still (potentially) have a pain med-free birth even though I was induced. I took a bath again that night, and as I lay there I prayed, so tossed between my desire for no intervention and my desire for her to just COME! I prayed that if God saw fit, He would just allow her to come before my appointment Monday so I wouldn't even have to make a decision.
After my bath, I went and just laid on the couch. A friend called me around 10 and we talked for several minutes. During our conversation I had a couple contractions that just took my breath away a little... contractions were not abnormal for me, seeing as I had them since about 20 weeks! But this one was a bit painful. We hung up, and at 10:30 on the dot I had a tight pain all across my abdomen, worse than anything I had felt previously. I told Dustin, about it and remember saying "Maybe, just maybe, this is it???" He was pretty calm and said we'll just wait and see, and not to get my hopes up because I had several "Maybe this is it" moments the previous few weeks. Well, the contractions came consistently every 7 minutes for the next hour and a half. Some very painful, some not too bad, but I continued to just lay on the couch and try to relax. At midnight we decided to go on to bed and try to get some sleep, and also to see if it was the real thing. The previous times I had contractions consistently they just went away when I fell asleep. But these were much more intense and I pretty much knew there would be no rest for me. We tried though. Dustin maybe dozed off for 30 minutes. I got up to go to the bathroom several times, each time I got up the contractions intensified, and finally I told him this is it, they're getting worse, they're coming every five minutes, we should call my parents. I moved to the couch because I seemed to be more comfortable there earlier while Dustin got up and got things together, although we still thought it would be a while before we left for the hospital.

The Bradley Method describes labor in 3 emotional stages- 1st is excited. 2nd is serious. 3rd is the "I can't do this" phase. The signs to look for getting ready to go to the hospital are one: the 2nd "emotional" stage of labor, where the mom is very serious, very focused on the contractions. He says she won't be smiling or concerned about anything else going on around her. And two: when contractions are consistently 3 minutes apart. I never had either of those signs. When my parents got there, I was still talking to them between contractions, and asking Dustin to make sure "such and such" was in the bag. My contractions were never consistent. I'd have one or two that were 3 minutes apart, then 7 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 5 minutes. So Dustin kept saying "I just don't think we're ready to go." And while the contractions were intense, and no kidding, the most painful thing I've ever endured.... it wasn't unbearable. To be honest, I kept waiting for them to get worse. As long as I laid there, not moving, on the couch I think I could've handled them for a long while. But I didn't have to... around 2:15 I got up to use the bathroom and the shakes came over me. I wasn't cold, but my body was shaking uncontrollably like I had the chills. I called Dustin to come to me and told him, I think I remember reading your body begins to shake when you go into transition (7-10cm)... but couldn't totally remember. We were trying to think it out when I had another contraction and finally said, "OK, we need to go."

We arrived at St Mary's around 3am... the longest drive to the hospital in my life. There is no getting comfortable or relaxing through contractions in the car. When we pulled in, I admitted that I didn't know if I could do it. If they offer me the epidural, I just may need to take it. Dustin encouraged me that he knew I could... and I remember our previous many conversations about "no means no"... basically, I told him not to let me cave and he said he wouldn't.

When we got into triage, I prayed to be at least 5cm. Please be at least 5cm. The nurse checked me, then said, "Well, we're going to get you into a room because you're... uh, 9 centimeters!" My mom and Dustin gasped with excitement while I became terrified instantly. There's no option now for the epidural, and I am not prepared to push this girl out!

The next hour in the room went by so fast. I was laying there working through the worst part of labor as people were running in and out getting ready for delivery. The doctor came in- mine was out of town so Dr Edmonds delivered her, she actually has delivered a few of my friends' babies. I was so pleased with her, actually like her better than my own doctor. So that truly was from the Lord. When Ruthie dropped and I was ready to push, she just let me stay how was comfortable for me. The next couple minutes were the most intense and indescribable pain of my life- but considering I only pushed through two contractions versus the near 45mins I did with Catie, I prefer the pain. In no time she was here, wailing her way into the world at 4:21am after not even 6 hours of hard labor.

I am so thankful for the Lord's sovereignty and providence over every stage of my pregnancy and delivery. His grace has- and continues- to sustain me. He answered my prayers, granted me the desire of my heart, and has given me more than I can ever imagine- in the blessing of an amazing husband & 3 beautiful daughters. Life is... different... these days. It's been an emotional ride these past 4 weeks, but I love being a mommy. I love my girls & all that comes with taking care of them! I thank God for what a responsibility I have and pray I'll bring Him much glory through my motherhood- and that in turn my daughters will bring Him much glory in their lives as well. After all, that is the chief end of our existence.

The long overdue, but never too late INTRODUCTION....

2011-05-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Charity Ruth (Ruthie)

Our sweet daughter was born three weeks ago on May 1, 2011 at 4:21am.

She weighed in at 8lbs 9oz and was 20inches long.

Her big sisters (along with her Daddy & I) could not have been happier!

*going home the next day*

*sweet baby feet*

*four days old*

37 weeks.... and counting!

2011-04-02T17:49:00.000-07:00

They say Baby is about the size of a watermelon... and I would not argue!!

Definitely getting a bit more anxious and ready for her to get here. I have officially begun to "waddle" and feel like a cow. Ha! I'm perpetually uncomfortable... I signed up for all this. Expected all this. Not complaining about any of it. She is worth every sleepless night, every bit of heart burn, every ache & pain. However, what I was not expecting nor did I signed up for was pulling a muscle!!! I pulled a muscle two nights ago while putting on my pants. Yes, I said putting on my pants. Wow. I'm that huge. I don't know what muscle, but it's somewhere around where my right leg connects to my hips. Really low, where all my excess 30lbs sits. Paaaaainful! I try to rest & it starts to feel better, but going up and down the stairs (something that I cannot get around doing) gets it hurting all over again. Even when I'm laying down or sitting it hurts to move my right leg. I (sadly) have to literally take my hands and move my leg with my hands. Crazy! But... what can I do? It will all be over soon.

Went to the doctor yesterday. I'm still *not quite* 1cm dilated, but she did notice I'm progressing in other ways. That's good news! This is the soonest with either of them I've ever had changes. I'm not the biggest fan of my doctor, which I really hate to say. I loved her with Catie since she was willing to let me have a vbac. But this time around I've noticed more things I dislike. She's very "by the book" as far as "modern medicine" goes, (you know, all the interventions and everything) and I just tend to want to do things more..... naturally. She wants to induce me so bad she can't stand it- and has brought it up the past 3 appointments. I guess it really is rare anymore that someone actually does want to go into labor on their own. Who would want to wait when the doctor is willing to induce you a week before your "due date"? Well... me :) It took a little convincing to even get her to let me go up to two weeks past my "due date" to induce me, if it comes down to that. I don't think I'll have to worry about it though, Catie came one day before her's.

Seriously going all crazy and wanting a home birth next time around. Yes. It's true. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there!!

Anyway, here's my little survey thing for 37 weeks:

Weight Gain/Loss: right at 31lbs this last appt I think
Maternity Cloths? Of course!
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Being comfortable. Any Mommy knows that point in pregnancy where you're just not comfortable. No matter what. Ever.
Weekly Wisdom: 36 weeks pregnant is not most ideal time for your hubby to go on a mission trip to the other side of the world :) That being said, it was the Lord's will and I would never want to undo that.... just not "ideal".
Milestones: officially full-term!

Sleep? sleeping better since Dustin has been home. Just not very comfortably.
Energy?: I've had more lately. I wish my body could keep up with my energy actually! I've been getting a lot done... blame it on "nesting" hehe
Excercise?: nope. haven't seen this since the 1st trimester but am SO looking forward to getting back to the gym!
Movement?: oh yes! Dustin and I both felt her so much the other night it was sweet. I actually *think* I can make out when I feel a foot or an arm or leg. She rolls around a lot, but is running out of room!
Food cravings?: Still coke & ice. Also, random, but white cheddar cheese puffs (ew, I know). I usually buy the Cheetos baked natural brand. Or this "all-natural" brand called Pirates Booty. I bought them for the girls when they were on sale a few weeks ago, and seriously ate pretty much the whole bag by myself.
What I'm looking forward to:? her being here!! holding her, seeing what she looks like, that newborn baby smell, mmmm :)
Preparations:? I've been doing a lot this past week. A few people have bought her some outfits for summer. I've gone through our newborn clothes & pulled out what she can use. Washed them *there's not a whole lot better than the smell of baby clothes freshly washed in Dreft :)* I've moved Catie into Gabbi's room (except for sleeping- she's such a good sleeper I'm scared to do that!). I've ordered some smaller sized cloth diapers for her & gotten them washed and ready. We've done a deep-clean of our bedroom (it's needed it! Our bedroom seems to be what's always put on the back-burner!), preparing to put the baby bed up tomorrow. Got the car seat out & washed it up. And altogether, I've just been staying more on top of things: laundry, keeping toys put in their places, vacuuming, everything. Which, truly has been good of me since I'm neither neat nor organized. Just really want to keep everything under control because she could come at any time. Still to do: pack hospital bag, pack diaper bag, put the car seat in the van & put up the bed (which should be done by tomorrow).
Best Moment this week:? Dustin coming home Sunday!! Oh my goodness, best moment ever!!!

...pour out your hearts...

2011-03-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah."

Psalm 62:8

Have really been *trying to be* practicing this verse this week. Especially pouring out my heart to Him... oh goodness has He had an "ear full" from me this week!! It's good though. I need that. He desires that. I'm thankful for how trying this week has been. How emotionally & physically exhausting it's been. I'm learning to trust Him & pour out my heart to Him... I want to continue to practice these things even when Dustin gets home. I've been completely and utterly dependant on the Lord this week... I don't want to go away just because I have Dustin back again.

That being said, his flight is delayed & they'll most likely miss their connection flight. I'm trying to be okay with this. They are supposed to be home at 6:30 tomorrow, but I had already prepared myself for them being home tomorrow night... now that that is looking like a reality, I'm definitely needing to pray through it!

Pray with me/ for me... please... it has been such a long week.

Satisfied in Him alone...

2011-03-21T07:21:00.000-07:00

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

© 2001 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP).

I think those are some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. I've been unable to stop listening to this song ever since yesterday afternoon on the way to church. It's one of Dustin's favorites, and to be honest I've never listened to the lyrics too closely.

I'd love to say I'm doing great since he's been gone... but this being here without him is SO HARD! Maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. And the Lord has just really spoken to me through this song. Between this & the sermon last night & praying for Dustin and the W.A. team, the truth of the gospel & what happened on the cross is just playing over and over again in my mind.

My only Savior before the Holy Judge......

I want to be able to sing the second verse as truth in my life. His faithfulness to be my standing place, especially this week, when honestly there have been moments I just want to lay in bed and sleep until he gets home. (I'm pathetic, I know).

I have no longings for another, I'm satisfied in Him alone....

Satisfied in Christ alone. In His presence in my life. With His company alone. Not satisfied in Dustin being home, here, "safe", able to call him whenever I want.

I know it's okay to miss my husband. And obviously I do, terribly. This is the first time in our marriage we've been apart like this. Saturday was the first day in over 4 1/2 years where we did not talk at all. So it's going to be hard, I know that. I don't think it's wrong for me to miss him like I do. I just don't want to miss what the Lord has for me this week. What He wants to teach me and to show me in this.

You are welcome to pray for me if you think about it :)

And pray our baby doesn't decide she wants to come this week!

Challenged to Love

2011-03-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

We went to friends' house for dinner this evening with all my family. My brother & his wife are in town this weekend- and that's been fun. We were able to get out just the four of us. We had lunch & ran around town while my mom & dad kept the girls. It was nice to hang out like that, it's not often (never, really) that it happens!

On the way home Dustin and I got into a conversation-not long, not in too much depth, but still a good conversation. We were talking about this couple the Lord has placed in our lives, and how God has drastically changed his heart toward the husband.

He said to me: "You know, he still drives me crazy, but the Lord has really given me a love for him... I legitimately consider him a friend." I just thought that was amazing, and told him so. We really give credit completely to God, and how He has the power to change our hearts. I told Dustin how I remember two years ago, honestly, he couldn't stand him. He's just one of those guys that everything about him rubbed Dustin the wrong way... and me too. Same with his wife. Dustin brought that up, saying "Now, (his wife), I'm not so sure of... You know, I don't really know her."

I admitted to how I still struggle with both of them, really. I know God places people in our lives that our difficult to love for a reason. To make us more like him... Because I know I'm difficult to love!! But I just see my husband's heart, how the Lord has changed it completely, and it truly challenges me. It caused me to be honest with myself and him as I said, "You know, the reason I have a hard time with (her) is because she just so different... just kind of weird, and she's just so immature." Saying it out loud was almost embarrassing- even though only Dustin was listening. Before I had a chance to say anything else, he cut in:

"I know it's hard to enter into a relationship knowing you're not going to get anything out of it... at least for a long time. It really challenges our selfishness."

Wow. Praise the Lord I have a husband who oh so gently, but confidently, points out my sin to me. Even though he told me later, he wasn't saying that directed at me, but to himself. I didn't say much, if anything, after that and was pretty quiet the rest of the way home thinking about things.

Do I really only pursue relationships with people when I think I will get something out of it? Even if my motives are good-- I see someone who may be further along than me spiritually, and I want glean from them. Or another mom who has kids older than mine, and I think I can learn things from her. Or someone I notice I have a lot in common with, and I think we'll have a good time together. These are good things.

But when someone is "hard to love"? I know I have absolutely nothing in common with them. They are seemingly less mature than I am. They have a different sense of humor, or different parenting ideas, or they're at a different place spiritually... Do I always shy away because this relationship doesn't seem to have much, if anything, to offer me?

If I'm being honest with myself. With the Lord. With you.... Yes. I do.

How unlike my Savior?!?!

So when I went to bed tonight (or last night, it's 4 in the am right now & I am wide awake), I was talking to Dustin, then praying as I was falling asleep, that I just don't know what this means. What do I do with this conviction? Where do I go from here? What does it look like to love someone or pursue relationship with those who seemingly "don't have anything to offer" me?

I guess -one of the things- I fear about befriending certain people is that they'll end up being "that person" who is calling/ texting you constantly, stop by unannounced, or just seem to not have a comprehension of boundaries... I don't know if that makes sense to some people, or if any of you have ever experienced someone like that... I have in the past. I told Dustin I'm afraid of turning into someone who just can't say "no". He understood, then gently reminded me, "But honey, your problem right now is that you can't say yes." ::sigh:: Then he went on about how sweet the Lord is to pursue me. How He loves me just way too much to leave me like I am... in sin.

.......Don't I just have the greatest husband?

So I asked the Lord to show me what all this looks like in His Word. Then when I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep, I came out here in the living room... and He showed me.

"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Luke 6:27-36

I know that the context here when Jesus is talking about lending, expecting nothing in return is not referring to relationships, but I still find it appropriate in this case. I mean, He is also speaking about love. I think back to before I knew Christ and then to now, and see this is an area of my life that has remained unchanged. This is definitely an area where I do not look like Christ. Love. I do not love well. And isn't it the greatest commandment? Oh Father, forgive me.

My footnote says: Reciprocity is insufficient, because even sinners practice reciprocity. And "you will be sons" does not mean "you will become sons" but "you will demonstrate that you are sons" by imitating God's care and compassion even for those who are evil.

So to answer my own question: What does it look like to love someone or pursue relationship with those who seemingly "don't have anything to offer" me? ...It looks like Jesus.

If I am only loving those who love me, who offer me something, how does that at all resemble my Father in Heaven- Who loves me & gave Himself for me when I had & still have absolutely nothing to offer Him! It doesn't.

And I say I have these "fears"... but they are really just excuses, let's be honest. If I had any legitimate fears I only need to be reminded that "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear" 1 John 4:18.

So here I am. Praying God will please mold my heart to look like His, praying He will enable me to love. He has shown me what He commands, now I'm waiting upon Him to give me to the ability to do what He commands...

18 Months Young!

2011-03-03T05:23:00.001-08:00

On Tuesday, our sweet Cate-Bug (or "Catie-BooBoo" as she's also been affectionately called) turned 18 months! I just can't get over how quickly time goes by. When she was a baby, she was so tiny & dainty, it just seemed like she was always going to be a baby. I know that may sound odd, but other Mommies know what I'm talking about I'm sure. And now, she's about to have a baby sister of her own! She won't be "the baby" of the family anymore, which I still can't get past in my mind. I wanted to post a picture from last year, just for fun & to see how much she's grown.

This is Catie the day she turned 6 months old, 3/1/10:

She was always so easy to make smile.

Last week, a friend of mine posted on Facebook: "How is it possible for a baby to be so precious and so rotten at the same time!" I laughed, because that is Catie in a nutshell. She has always been the absolute sweetest baby. Not that Gabbi wasn't a sweet baby, she was, and still is such a sweet girl... but Catie has such a different personality, like I've posted in previous blogs. She's been much more timid, much more attached to me, much more snuggly... just a "sweet" personality.

The past few months though, she's come out of her shell just a little bit more. Her "fiery" side has shown. And although she's had a more sweet & tender personality than Gabbi... she's also been a bit more... "rotten". It has truly caught me off guard how different my two girls are, and I've been learning how different children do need different things in the way of discipline & instruction. Learning. I definitely do not have it figured out yet.

When Catie does not get her way, or if I have to take something away from her she shouldn't have, she really will scream and stomp her way around the living room, or wherever we are, pitching a little fit. At first I was so shocked (because this is honestly something Gabbi did not do) it made me laugh a little... it's something we are "working on" though. Along with her little fits, she likes to tackle her sister. Maybe because Gabbi has done this to her in the past? Well, she definitely thinks she owns the place & if something, or someone, is in her way she just steps on it, over it, or tackles it.... to the ground. She's so feisty- and it's really only come out the past few months. Maybe it's just because she's had to be to keep up with Gabbi, since Gabbi's not always the easiest person to play with :) She just knows exactly what she wants, and will let you know when she doesn't have it!

She's super super attached to her paci & blankey.

She loves food & it's starting to show! She's turning into a little chunk! Gabbi was so tiny, and still in size 12month clothes until she was about 20 months old. Catie is pretty average... and chunky :) We'll go to the doctor tomorrow to find out her weight/ percentile.

The funny thing is, Dustin & I have noticed, she doesn't seem to like carbs (weirdo, right? hehe). She doesn't eat bread or rolls very well. She doesn't eat waffles well. She seems to pick the toppings off of pizza without eating the crust. She'll eat crackers if she's really hungry while waiting on something else at a restaurant. But otherwise, she just doesn't eat bread or carbs

She has little to no interest in TV, which is also the polar opposite of her sister who would sit on the couch and watch TV the entire day if I let her.

She is starting to say more words, some of which are: Mommy, Daddy (of course), Nana, Poppy, Babbi (Gabbi), Sissy, paci (which is her word for both her paci & her blankey), puppy, ball, cup, cracker, ease (please), up, baby... she has really just started talking. She's been almost silent for a long time. Besides words, she's also speaking that "jibberish" that toddlers do right before they take off talking. It's fun to listen to.

She is very much a Daddy's Girl, but if I had to choose, I'd say Gabbi is her favorite person. She absolutely adores Gabbi. The first thing she says in the morning when I get her out of the crib, without fail, is "sissy... sissy... sissy". She always has to have her morning snuggles from Gabbi before she starts playing. And of course, she wants to do everything Gabbi does! It's so sweet how much she loves her and how her face literally lights up when Gabbi walks into the room. It absolutely melts my heart. I truly hope & pray she will always love her so much, and their love will grow as they grow... all 3 of them :)

Loneliness: but for a season.

2011-02-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

I desire to be transparent & open in my blogs. Transparent, not just for the sake of being transparent, or in any manipulative way for some sort of special attention. But I want to be open with my readers (however few or many in number) about my struggles, my walk with the Lord, and the seasons of my life He is leading me through. I want to encourage people on their unique walks with Christ... and to lay it out there for those who feel led to pray for or encourage me in mine. I also desire to be open because I love having this blog to look back on in the future. I've kept it off and on for four years or more, and it's already been a blessing to see the path God's taken me on. A journal to chronicle His faithfulness... and, Lord willing, to encourage sisters (and brothers?) in Christ.

With all that being said... yesterday was a rough day. Really, it was mostly all me and just a battle in my mind. I was just down & discouraged & frustrated for a number of reasons. The girls had nothing to do with any of it... Gabbi was actually in a great mood all day. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was because I didn't get much sleep the night before. Maybe it was because I've been sick. Maybe it was a combination of the three. I can't really say, because I have a "bad day" like that about once a week.

All I can figure is it's the season I'm in right now. It all started back during the summer, God was just doing some huge things in my life. If you haven't read this post from August, you can. Since then, however, I've been... just... lonely. I recognized this loneliness almost immediately, but was absolutely content with it. The Lord drew me closer to Himself -and sort of away from people- to gently point out several things to me. Things I know I otherwise wouldn't hear if some really intimate relationships I had were still just as close. But He hasn't restored intimacy and closeness with some of these old friends... or new ones... or anything. I feel disconnected. I want to add a "side note" here that there was no falling out, no arguments, nothing that would cause dissension between myself or anyone else. Just a... drifting, I guess.

Anyway, over the past several months I've had ups and downs between having my feelings hurt about things and being perfectly happy & content with where I'm at. I've realized things about myself. I'm typically a "pursuer" in a relationship. I usually make phone calls to catch up with people, suggest "hey let's get together", organize things, etc. This is not patting myself on the back, this is just my personality. I'm outgoing. I love people & to socialize. My first year of motherhood, I say I was not a "stay-at-home mom", I was a "non-working mom"--- because Gabbi & I were never actually at home. I'm not proud of that by any means. I do need to be home, and I'm glad I've found balance since then. But I've learned with most (not all) people that if I don't call, we won't talk. And realizing this is where my struggle comes in.

Last night Dustin and I had great talk... for a little while. He encouraged me, prayed for me, then fell asleep. See, I should no better after 4 years of marriage than to begin long, intimate discussions with him when we're lying down in bed. He falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow... when my head hits the pillow, worlds of thoughts open up. So last night I was doing good to get a little conversation out of him. But he fell asleep when I was still wanting to talk, and I got my feelings hurt.

I laid there. I cried. I prayed. I cried. Some thoughts I had were definite pity party, some legitimate. But as I was praying, I was just confessing and crying out about the loneliness I've been feeling. I thought, even my own husband doesn't want to talk, I even have to be the one pursuing conversation with him! It seems like months since I've had a real, non-surfacey conversation with a sister-in-Christ. It's probably been a year since I've felt true, genuine fellowship with a group of women. Lord, I just want fellowship. I just want someone to pour my heart out to. And I don't want to be the one pursuing it. I want someone to pursue friendship with me............. then I stopped. What do you think I am doing? The Lord answered me so very clearly.

Then, conviction. At first, I loved & cherished the season I was in because I knew God was doing a work in me. I knew He needed to draw me apart & to Himself to do this work in me that only He could do. I knew He wanted me to call to Him, cry to Him (not pick up the phone or drive to a friend's house) when I had something I needed advice about or just wanted to share. I was filled with joy at His drawing me. Content.

Over the months, my thoughts and actions have shown my heart in the matter. I only want the Lord's friendship & comfort until I become dissatisfied. When I say "OK, enough is enough" then I expect other friendships to come in the picture. God just isn't "enough" anymore. Discontentment.

But He's not finished with me... Clearly, there is still so much work to be done. I'm encouraged. I need to be in the Word and having the Spirit daily fill me. I need to continue seeking Him, listening to Him, to hear Him in what He wants to say to me. I need to wait upon Him.

This season has not been all bad- just harder on my weak flesh the longer it has gone on. It has been so good though, so eye opening. And I thank God for He alone is the One who opens my eyes. But Dustin and I have grown closer through this time. He is so sweet. A few months ago I was crying to him about some of these very things, and he looked at me, wiped my tears and said: "But Baby, I am your best friend." And it's true. I think I would have said that at any point in our marriage, "oh yes, of course, my husband is my best friend." But it hasn't been until recently that I've truly believed & felt it. Even still though, I'm prayerfully cautious to not put Dustin in a place in my heart that only the Lord deserves. He is my true Husband. My true Prince. My true Love.

And I long to know Him deeper....

Psalm 25:5 "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long."

Psalm 63:1 "O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You, as in a dry and weary land were there is no water."

Photo Challenge Break

2011-02-23T14:33:00.001-08:00

I guess I'm a bit behind in this 30 Day Photo Challenge... it's probably going to be a little more like a 90 day challenge for me. That's okay. I've been occupied with more important things.

It's been a sick time in our house these days.

I broke down and went to the doctor on Monday after not feeling well off & on for about two weeks... then really building up all week last week. I had/ have a sinus infection, that turned into bronchitis. It's interesting because almost exactly a year ago I had the exact same thing. I guess it's just something I'll have to plan for next year :)

Both the girls have had yucky colds that have turned into nasty coughs. I'm just waiting it out before I take them to the doctor- I hate to be one who rushes to the doctor at the first sneeze. They haven't had fevers, or trouble breathing/ sleeping/ eating... so I'm not too concerned.

Catie has actually been sleeping better! She is still taking two naps! Two long naps! Gabbi moved to one nap right after she turned one... so this is just crazy for me with Catie being almost 18 months. I'm praying it even holds out until the baby gets here. How wonderful would it be if she's still taking two naps then?! The only thing is- Dustin and I were talking about last night- we were kind of wanting to move her into a "big" bed in Gabbi's room before the baby came. Because once she moves out of our room, Baby will go into Catie's room & crib. Well, Catie is such a good sleeper!!! Yes she stills has her paci, and yes she's still in her crib... all of which Gabbi was done with by 18 months. She was paci-free & in a toddler bed. And actually, when she turned one, we took the paci away for all but nap & bed time. Well right now, if you come to our house at any given time of day, you are 80% sure to find the paci in Catie's mouth. She is soooo very attached. I mean, no rush. I'm not too concerned that she still has it. We seemed to have rushed everything with Gabbi. Yet, at the same time, she sort of rushed herself. She's always seemed older to me than she actually is. She is just such a go-getter.... walking full speed (and I mean even climbing equipment at the park) at ten months old. Not exaggerating. I can't even really remember when she started talking, it just seems like she came out talking! But she was definitely already saying sentences and carrying on mini conversations at 18 months. Even today she's a go-getter... she rarely sits still, a complete bundle of energy! Always dancing around, or singing songs, or playing with imaginary friends.

Catie, on the other hand, is super laid back. When we go to a park, while I can just *blink* and lose Gabbi (scary, yes), Catie takes several minutes standing beside me & just watching everyone before she warms up to playing.

I love how different they are.

I've also done things differently with them. Sometimes I feel like we had been too hard on Gabbi. Part of my old mentality that the Lord has so sweet delivered me from this past year. "If I do A + B, I will get a result of C". I was rigid with the scheduling-- I know, I'm sure I have some super-structured moms reading that are still schedulers, and that's perfectly OK... It's just not for us. Which, if "2 year ago me" were to read those words, I'd probably have to pick my jaw off the floor. Because I was just so sure there is yes, a RIGHT way and a WRONG way. Scheduling was the right way. I'm just not there anymore. I do believe kids needs structure... I just don't think letting a 3 month "cry it out" is the way (Even though I do believe there is a time & place when a baby/ toddler needs to cry it out). Wow I sure sound like a walking contradiction right now?

Anyway I'm just not a super structured, organized, type A personality. I like the flexibility I have with my kiddos. They sort of make their own schedules eventually anyway. The thing that makes me laugh is I was such a stickler with the schedule with Gabbi... and a bit more lenient with Catie (kind of half schedule/ half flexibility)- she rarely cried it out- and Catie is my good sleeper. I foresee making my hubby cringe & throwing schedules out the window with #3... :) *kidding. kinda.*

Well, we bought bunk beds today! Even though I'm not sure when we'll put Catie in it, it is something that needed to be done.

Dustin asked me when my next dr appt was, and he was shocked when I told him Friday. Yes, I am every 2 weeks now. Only for 2 more appointments & then I'll go weekly. He leaves for Africa three weeks from Friday. While he's gone I'll turn 36 weeks. When he gets back it could be any day... YIKES!

Time is flying & I feel so unprepared.

Praying for a productive month in March.... the last full month before our Charity Ruth arrives!

Day 15

2011-02-15T11:22:00.000-08:00

Something I want to do before I die.

Just like pretty much every other post, several things could have gone here.

There are so many places I want to go -live- before I die. I may never get to & that's okay. But I do think the Lord will have us living somewhere else before we die... maybe in one of these following places? If I had to choose today, I would choose one of the following places, but who knows what the Lord has planned? Anyway... here you have it... places I want to see before I die.... all located around the same place.

Egypt-Israel-Jordan-Turkey

Israel

The Dead Sea

The Nile

Egypt

I guess it's pretty self explanatory why I want to go to these places. I've said before, I'm fascinated with North Africa/ Middle East. I love the biblical history that is there. I want to see Egypt & the pyramids, see Bethlehem & the places Jesus walked. I want to swim (or float) in the Dead Sea- just because I think it's pretty cool. I want to visit the places Paul took his missionary journeys through Turkey.

These countries where Christianity was born- now only a small percent know Christ. Although I would like to visit these places for the "fun" of it, more than anything, I want to see Christ's name proclaimed (once again) in these places. So really, I would love to go and have the Lord use me- and my family- to accomplish the task.

Day 14

2011-02-11T08:58:00.001-08:00

Meet Kelly, my mommy!

Someone I couldn't imagine life without.

There are a few... obviously my husband or my daughters, but I've written about them a lot & just in the last post, so I'll talk about my Momma!

My mom and I weren't super close when I was growing up; I honestly was never one of those girls who would've said "I tell my mom everything" or "my mom is my best friend". But we've really grown close since we've both come to know Christ, and especially since me getting married & having kids of my own. The Lord has redeemed much!

I couldn't imagine life without my mom! We talk- or at least text back & forth- everyday, at least once a day. She has helped me so much in marriage & motherhood. I'm very thankful that I don't have a mom who loves to "dog" my husband. I know this is so very common & I don't take it for granted. When I've called her at different times in the middle of a disagreement with Dustin, or whatever it may be, I call her because I know she'll give me godly, balanced advice on the situation. There have even been times Dustin has said "will you please just go call your mom?" :) Her and my dad both are mine & Dustin's "go-to" people when we are stuck about a decision to make. Not that they make decisions for us, but the bible has much to say about seeking godly counsel, and I'm thankful that "counsel" is in my very family! It has not always been so!

Mom has also been so great since becoming a mother myself. We were just talking the other day about how huge it's been that mom is so experienced with babies & children. She started babysitting back when she was about 12, and worked with babies ever since then- and my whole life! There was always a baby around the house that Mom was babysitting, or "nanny-ing". As I got older, I started babysitting on my own & helped out more with whoever was around our house. Mom definitely passed on her love for babies to me. And when I became a mom, I wasn't clueless. Well, no more than the typical amount of clueless... obviously there is nothing like having a baby of your own... but I was comfortable with babies. I knew how to change a diaper- I'd been doing it almost my whole life. Things like that. And for the times when I didn't know what to do, like when Gabbi was screaming for hours in the middle of the night at 4 in the morning, who did we call? I've always had mom to ask "is this normal??" She is great with children, and especially my children. I love that she enjoys my girls, and I don't feel like they are a burden or annoying her. And that she is happy when I have children. I've known women who dread telling their mom that their pregnant (again)... Trust me, there are members of my family I dread telling when I'm pregnant, but I'm so thankful my mom is not one of them!

Life was definitely different when Mom & Dad were in Louisville, and Gabbi and I both are loving having them back here in Knoxville with us. I just don't ever want to take having Mom here, or our relationship, for granted. Who knows what the Lord has in store or where we'll be in our futures?

Day 13

2011-02-08T18:02:00.000-08:00

Just catching up a little since I've skipped several days. And this post requires little/no effort :)

A picture of my favorite band(s) or artist(s).

Yeah... there's no way I could pick just one.

I don't listen to as much a variety in music as I used to- mainly because I think the radio stations here stink & my iPod is dead :( But I have these favorites, who have been favorites for a few years now. If anyone hasn't listened to them, I highly recommend these three.

Caedmon's Call

Shane & Shane

Andrew Peterson

Then there's that not-so-secret but somewhat embarrassing love of country music I mentioned a few posts ago. Have to pay tribute to my two faves there...

George Strait

Alabama

Day 12

2011-02-08T16:52:00.000-08:00

Something I love.

There are a lot of obvious things that I love. I love Jesus & worshiping Him & the Gospel.

I thought about just doing something not-so-obvious.

I love cooking. I love Mexican food. I love celebrating birthdays. I love photography. I love road trips. ( I could go on.)

Then I decided against that.... so let's be obvious...

I absolutely love&adore this man. I love him more today than the day I married him. I love the man he is, and the man the Lord is growing him to be. He is amazing. I love the way he loves us, his girls. The greatest husband & father I know. I know most any wife would say that about their husband, and that's okay. He's mine... and no one else needs to think he's the greatest husband & father they know :)

I love our sweet girls, our growing family.

I am so thankful for what the Lord has given me in my little family. Some days are hard- we absolutely don't live in some fairy tale fantasy... but I love where we are. I know time is fleeting. Gabbi is 3 and it seems like just yesterday we were up all night with our screaming newborn. My time with them is precious... short. With Dustin too really, if you think about it. I want to redeem the time with them. I want to show Christ to my husband and my girls. Although I know I fail everyday, His grace is there. I love how forgiving children are. I can be short with Gabbi sometimes, and she is so quick to forgive when I apologize to her. She forgets. And she still loves me so much. I know I can learn something from that.

I love them all so much. And, at least for the next 15 years, we're together no matter what... or where... I wouldn't want it any other way.

Day 11

2011-02-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

Something I hate.

It's taken me a couple days to gather my thoughts for this post. I look at what's going on in Egypt- a power hungry dictator, civil unrest; what's been going on in Africa- poverty, starvation, children being abducted and forced into local armies; what's going on the US- abortion, drug babies born to less than capable parent(s)... I hate these things. I hate when my babies are in pain... yet I know, my babies have no idea about pain. They are tucked safely in their warm cozy beds each night, with full tummies and the "comforts" of blankies and a million stuffed animals surrounding them. No... they don't know discomfort, and probably never will. I hate seeing children in pain, but the problem truly goes much deeper than that. I get angry at women like the one pictured boasting in a "choice". Then I realize, she's blind, it's sin. It all goes back to sin. Unrest in Egypt. Poverty in Africa. Abortion in the US. (I know these locations are not the only place these things exist, it's just what's come to mind at the moment.) The Lord is not surprised by these things... He said it would be so! And He also knows why it is so... why? It's because of sin. What I truly hate, is SIN.

When I began thinking of my hatred for sin & all these things around the world going on that are caused by sin, the Lord quickly brought it back to me.

I hate MY sin.

This is pretty much the best picture I could find for "my sin". And sadly, it's pretty accurate... I have been the woman before. What's not so accurate is that Dustin is rarely that man raising his voice back. No, my sin is not limited to screaming at my husband... and by His grace only the screaming has been significantly less than the first year or so of marriage... I have been given a new nature, but still am dealing with the sin nature I was born with. And I'm reminded of it every day. It wears me out... and I know it wears out those around me. I'm impatient. I'm prideful. I'm lazy. I'm unbelieving. I'm selfish.

Oh, how I can't wait for the day when finally this old nature will be put off for good! And I will worship Christ fully, without a sin nature hindering me.

God is not up in Heaven wringing His hands, wondering what He is going to do with Egypt, or Africa, or America.... or me. He knows truly the need for the world- to hear and receive His gospel. God is sovereign over the painful things too, nothing has caught Him by surprise. He does all things well, and for His glory- whether or not it makes sense to me. That does not mean I'm to sit back and shrug off what's going on around me. But I know first, I must deal with myself- I must remind myself of who I am in Christ, and ask for the Holy Spirit to enable me to act accordingly. Secondly, I must pray for His will to be done among the nations, that His name may be made great. And I also must hear Him on what He wants me (us) to do... Pray? Give? Go?

Well, we all should pray. But the giving or the going.... it looks different for everyone.

I know that by one man sin entered the world. That Satan in the god (little "g") of this world, and that is evident by the current events. And I surely hate these two facts. But I am not discouraged.

John 16:33

In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

He is the answer. He is what they need. Someone just needs to tell them.

Day 10

2011-02-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

Person I've done the most *adventurous* things with.

The challenge actually said "messed up" things, but I'm not gonna go there. Another friend I saw put "adventurous" and I definitely like that better... I'm also going with "people" instead of one person:)

Derek & Kristin

Ok, let's face it, I'm not quite as adventurous as I'd like to be. It's not that I'm scared, or don't like the outdoors... Dustin & I absolutely love being outdoors. We love hiking, biking, camping, being on the lake- all those things. It's just that we don't do it so often. I guess just the planning aspect of it... We definitely would more often, and every year since we've been married we've gotten out a little bit more. But it's safe to say that almost every time we've done something, Derek & Kristin are the friends we do it with.

Mine and Kristin's friendship began an adventure on the other side of the world. We've walked through bush & villages, slept on top of a land rover, and had near-death road experiences in Kenya. (OK, maybe "near-death" is exaggerating, but it was quite terrifying) With Kristin & Derek we've camped, hiked, gone boating & tubing at the lake. We've had all-night games of monopoly, snuck into hotel swimming pools (something we were later convicted about, and wouldn't do again :-/), and always have a blast.

It's not always fun and games, as Derek & Kristin are probably the friends we've confided in the most since even before we were all married. We've shared our hearts, our struggles, our joys throughout marriage. With them we've laughed, prayed, & cried.

We are so thankful to God for the friendship He's given us through our brother & sister in Christ. They've been such an encouragement to us on our journey, and their friendship has truly pointed us more toward our Savior.

Hello 3rd Trimester!

2011-01-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

Charity Ruth is our little eggplant!

I cannot believe we've now officially entered the third trimester. Sometimes I feel like I've been pregnant forever, then other times it's just flown by! Everything is going well. I'm still contracting, but they're still not doing anything. I have a feeling it's just going to be this way for the rest of the pregnancy, and that's okay, as long baby girl stays put!

Today, I had the ever-pleasant glucose test, which came back negative. Fortunately. It's been negative with each pregnancy, so I wasn't too concerned, I just can't stand the thought of having to drink the juice a second time. But, the doctor's office did call to tell me my Vitamin C and Iron are both low & I need to take supplements. Maybe the low iron explains my constant lethargic feeling... I was just blaming that on the pregnancy altogether. The Vit C, however, I don't get. I drink orange juice almost every morning. That's not enough though, I suppose. Anyway, just thankful for a (mostly) good report from the doctor! At least Baby's healthy, even if Momma is lacking in the vitamin area.

This week I've been thinking about her name, and how I think I want her to be called Ruthie. Maybe it's because Ruthie was in the running with both our first girls. Or maybe because I seem to have this thing about naming our girls something, and calling them something else: Gabrielle is Gabbi & Caitlin is Catie. Ruthie is also what I called her for a short period of time before Dustin wanted to talk about names... kinda just to get him to talk about it with me :) Maybe we'll wait until she gets here to fully decide.

I've seen a couple of my friends do these little things during their pregnancies, and thought I'd join in on it!

Weight Gain/Loss: right about 20lbs so far... but feels like a whole lot more!
Maternity Cloths? Yes definitely. I was actually able to hold off wearing them for what seems like the longest amount of time this time around. Sadly, some of my pants that are size "mediums" are feeling a bit snug...
Gender: A third little princess!
What I Miss: Working out and running. Snuggling up close to my man... the belly just makes most everything more difficult.
Weekly Wisdom: From my sweet 3-year-old "Charity is making your belly really BIG, Mommy!" So wise :)
Milestones: Third trimester!

Sleep? what sleep?
Energy?: what energy?
Excercise?: what exercise? okay, there seems to be a pattern here! :) seriously though, keeping up with my two little ones is a good amount of exercise for a day.
Movement?: She moves like crazy, and is actually doing some gymnastics right now.
Food cravings?: plain ole coca-cola. I have no idea why because I don't typically like it and rarely ever do I drink carbonated drinks, but I love it right now... with lots of ice that I enjoy crunching when the drink is gone (that's been a common thing in all my pregnancies)
What I'm looking forward to:? Gabbi getting to feel her kick. The timing's never worked out yet, but she actually told me yesterday that she wanted to feel her move. So sweet :)
Preparations:? Sadly, nothing :( That's been the hardest thing so far about having a third girl. I'm thrilled beyond belief about having another little girl... but I have nothing to do!! Her room is ready (she's going to have Catie's room, and Gabbi & Catie will room together). She has clothes. She has toys... she has more than everything she needs. She is absolutely as special as her two older sisters, but I feel like because I've done nothing to prepare, that it doesn't seem as special. I told Dustin I think I want to use different pacifiers this time (we've used the same brand with both girls) just so we'll have to buy her something different from the other two! How silly :)
Best Moment this week:? Our bathroom is finally finished! This is absolutely not pregnancy related, but glad it's done before the baby gets here! Our hall bath that has been mid-renovation for a year, is finally done!

Day 9

2011-01-27T18:55:00.000-08:00

Person who has gotten me through the most.

OK, well this one really was pretty easy. I say this not to sound cliche, but only because I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

JESUS has undoubtedly gotten me through the most in my life... Good and Bad.

Anything in my life good or praiseworthy is because of my Savior and because He has caused or allowed it to happen to me.
Anything bad in my life, that has broken my heart or made me angry, that has made me to want to run or brought me down to my knees is because He has caused or allowed it to happen to me. Granted, many painful things in my life have been self-inflicted, but nothing ever surprises Him. Before I knew Him, as I was living my life of sin that eventually brought me to a point of brokenness I never again want to experience nor would wish for anyone, He alone got me through. Brought me to that point where I could recognize my sinfulness, my need for Him, and He was there. Without Christ, without Him rescuing me, I don't even want to imagine where I would be today.

Even now, knowing Him, I have walked through my share of valleys. I do have a wonderful husband & sisters in Christ that have been there for me. But it's the promises of God and my relationship with Christ that has truly gotten me through. Even in seasons of loneliness, it's Christ that is ever-present. I just love this *old school* quote from the Newsboys song Breakfast: Those here without the Lord, how do you cope. For this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope.

Truly, Christ is the hope of every believer. I'm thankful for the joy I can find in my valleys because of Him and His faithfulness.

All things He works together for my good & His glory.

There's no one else I would rather have to turn to.

Day 8: Photo Challenge

2011-01-26T17:23:00.001-08:00

A picture that makes me laugh.

This is taken from Catie's first birthday back in September. I was cracking up at Gabbi the whole time. She just sat patiently next to Catie at first, and kept asking when it was going to be her turn to eat cake. Then finally, I suppose she got tired of waiting and seized the opportunity to lick Catie's frosting-covered hand... or she just couldn't let Catie get away with the show being all on her for the afternoon. Either way, this was not posed, and still makes me laugh to this day.

Day 7: Photo Challenge

2011-01-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

My most treasured item.

This was another difficult one to come up with. The things I treasure most in life aren't things:my salvation; my husband & children; my family; friendships & my church body... I could go on and on. But an item? I try not to become too attached to items- clothes or jewelry or books or even our home... I mean, things are so replaceable. Like I said in the first post though, I'm not the sentimental type. But I still think even the most sentimental items are replaceable, when it really comes down to it. The Bible says to store up our treasures in Heaven... and this is what I strive to do, although it is hard. I definitely have a tendency to be materialistic- just like everyone I think. I do "want" more stuff. Our home to be prettier or bigger; my girls (and myself) to look great in the most fashionable clothes; and sometimes, just to be transparent, I wish my engagement ring was bigger. How worldly I truly am! Just because I'm not necessarily attached to things, I don't want to give the impression that I never struggle with worldliness... because that's exactly what those desires are. Worldliness. God did not call me to have a nice house, big jewelry, or the best dressed kids. He called me to die to those desires. Not that it's a sin to want nice things. To deprive yourself of anything nice for His "name's sake" isn't right either. It's just a heart issue. A balance.

Anyway, with all that being said, I narrowed it down to two things. The first, not at all to sound super-spiritual, is my Bible.

Being raised in a religion that does not encourage (and really almost discourages) the personal reading and studying of the Word, a whole new world was opened up for me after salvation. I was taught that I could not interpret the Word correctly, only one person could. Well, when I first came to know Christ I could not get enough of the Bible. Reading it. Praying through it. Memorizing it. Although life got a bit more crazy after marriage & kids, and my time in the Word is more limited than it used to be, I'm still so very thankful to have God's very Word available to me. And it really makes my time with Hi, reading, all the more precious. I'm so thankful for our God, who speaks to us through the Bible, and the Holy Spirit that does enable me to interpret what He's saying.

I'm also thankful for godly men who wrote the ESV Study Bible, for the times when I just don't get it ;)

Secondly, is our piano.

This (aside from all my pictures & scrapbooks, but that would be hard to take a picture of) is probably the most irreplaceable item in our home. Mainly because to replace it would cost a lot of money and this piano was given to us (for nothing) by some friends. I love music. I have loved music my whole life. Although I haven't been gifted with natural talent or an incredible singing voice, I still try. I'm currently trying to teach myself how to play the piano. Dustin & the girls bought me Alfred's Adult Course piano book for Christmas so I could finally begin. I know a little from when I was younger and learned some then. I know how to read music and the basics, and can play a some. But I want to truly play. And bring the Lord much glory through music. I also want to be able to teach Gabbi when she's a little older. She already loves music, and dancing, and she loves to "try" to play the piano. We'll see how it goes! :)

Day 6: Photo Challenge

2011-01-23T18:21:00.000-08:00

Person I would like to trade places with for a day.

OK, so this took forever to think of, because honestly, I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone for a day. I guess just keep in mind while reading that this is totally hypothetical because of that fact. I've thought of several people. Maybe one of my friends that doesn't have any kids so I could just sleep all day?... but just because they don't have kids doesn't necessarily mean they sleep all day. One of my kids so I could just play (and if I wanted to, sleep) all day, and see what life is like from their perspective?... no, I really wouldn't want to do that actually. One of my old dogs we had growing up, because, let's face it, spoiled pets have "the life".... but it's supposed to be a "person". I even thought of a cartoon character, just to be goofy... but then the thought of being in a cartoon world for a day kind of freaked me out. So then I thought of Dustin. But when I say my husband is the one I'd like to trade places with for a day, I don't really mean it... ;) There really is no one I'd want to trade places with... but I'll go with it for the sake of the "challenge".

I suppose the reasons it would be interesting to trade places with Dustin are obvious. I stay at home with the kids all day, and he works at an office all day. We never really have the "whose job is harder" argument, because he tells me all the time mine is. I win, hands down ;) But I still would like to gain some perspective of where he's at all day & what he deals with. Just because my "job is harder", I still have some idea that he does have stress that he deals with. Then again, sometimes I feel like he would do better at my job than I do. Maybe if he were home for a day, when I got home the house would actually be clean and the family out of pajamas...??? Hmm... then again, maybe not :) Also, if this hypothetical exchange were to happen sometime in the next 3 months, I'd like him to experience what it's like being pregnant in the third trimester... and why I'm constantly asking him for a neck or foot rub, or how I'm not being ridiculous about my hyper-sensitive sense of smell, or how absolutely uncomfortable it is when your hands swell, or why it takes me forever to get comfortable and fall asleep... And I'd like to have just a day's break from being pregnant- to go for a nice, long run, where regular clothes, and perhaps have a glass of wine. (*gasp* yes, I said it.) OK, this sounds like complaining. I'm absolutely not trying to complain, and am typing all this with a smile on my face. I just think the fact that I'm pregnant adds an interesting spin on this hypothetical situation. And anyway, complaining about the discomforts of pregnancy is so overdone. I've prayed this pregnancy for God to enable me not to do it. "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" (Phil 2:14).... this includes pregnancy :) I know there are women who would give anything to be pregnant right now, and struggle with it. I'm thankful getting pregnant has never been an issue for Dustin and I, how could I complain? I'm thankful for a healthy baby girl & that I have the privilege of bonding with her before she even enters the world.

OK, I also didn't mean for this to go into the joys of pregnancy :) So I'll just leave it at that!

Day 5: Photo Challenge

2011-01-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

My favorite memory.

Well, this was a really, really hard one! I cannot choose a single one favorite memory. I chose this event in my life- my summer in Kenya (2006)- with Kristin (then, Rickels) Duvall because it is my favorite memory that impacted the rest of my life.

During my time in Kenya, the Lord completely drew me to Himself. I heard Him so clear, so often. I saw Him move so much in my life and in the lives of those around me. Especially still being a "new Christian", I had never seen the things I witnessed in Kenya ever before in my life. It was while I was in Kenya that God burdened my heart even more for missions, and confirmed my desire to be on the field at some point in the future. Seeing the need for the gospel in those areas, the hunger for the Word of God and the love of the Word the believers had impacted me greatly. Of course, all of my 10 weeks there weren't easy & wonderful. I know there were days I questioned why I was there. But the Lord saw me through every single day. Before Kenya, Kristin and I didn't even know each other. It's really hard to believe looking back now, because God just truly knit us together. She truly is my sister, and one of the very best friends I have still today.

Also, while I was in Kenya, Dustin and I were "dating"... before I left, we talked, and he had told me that he saw qualities in me that he wanted in a future wife. While I was gone, I don't know if I've to this day prayed over something so fervently as I did him and our relationship. We had a couple hurdles to overcome that I prayed through... among other things. While I was gone, through so much prayer, God really confirmed for me that he was who I was going to marry. -But I still wasn't totally sure if it was the same for him :)-When I got home, the Lord had just blessed both of our prayers... and we were engaged soon after.

This is all extremely summarized. I could go on much more about the trip, about what the Lord showed me and answered prayers, about mine and Dustin's relationship... but I'll keep it at this for now. If there's more you want to know, maybe it could be talked about over a cup of coffee ;)

Other significant, favorite memories that can't be overlooked:

our engagement: august 31st '06

wedding: january 5th '07

gabbi's birth: october 9th '07

catie's birth: september 1st '09

Day 4: Photo Challenge

2011-01-20T06:29:00.000-08:00

Picture of my night.

This is a picture of our great friends Tommy & Alison. We went over there for dinner last night. We are so thankful for their friendship, and the role they've played in our lives these passed few years.

After dinner, Gabbi & Isaiah played "hide & go seek", and it didn't occur to me until they were finished to take a picture of Gabbi hiding. Maybe it would have been a more exciting picture for everyone. Anyway, this isn't a typical night... A "typical night's" pictures may include Gabbi "helping" me cook dinner, my sweet husband cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, followed by him lying on the floor with our sweet girls climbing all over him as he tickles them or balances them on his feet playing "super Gabbi/ Catie". He's such a great daddy, and during those moments I just love to sit & watch them play with him. They both absolutely adore him.

Day 3: Photo Challenge

2011-01-18T08:17:00.001-08:00

Cast of my favorite show.

We don't really watch much TV. But we did watch 24 when it was out. Sadly, right when we started watching it, it was the last season. It really was the first show we got into together. The first one I've really watched in a long time. I like a lot of random shows: HGTV and foodnetwork probably are my favorite channels. But I can definitely do without. We didn't have cable pretty much our whole first 3 years of marriage. Honestly, I don't like having cable. But Dustin loves his sports :) And that's fine. The reason I'm thankful for cable (sounds so silly to be "thankful" for cable), is because if we do want to turn on the TV in the evenings to "veg" and unwind, we don't have to watch the garbage that's on the main channels. Because, if I'm going to be completely honest, I really think the comedy or drama shows that are on the main cable channels are worthless. And I'd rather not fill my mind with them. Now, I absolutely don't want that to sound "holier than thou" at all. It's just something the Lord convicted me of a couple years ago and that my sweet sweet husband has been there to remind me. No matter how much my flesh (because it is my flesh- not the Spirit of Christ in me) wants to watch say, The Office or Modern Family or something like that, my Spirit won't let me. I know a lot of people watch those shows, but I just can't. I just feel that it's contrary to everything in the Word of God that I try to keep my mind on day to day, when we are commanded in Phillippians to think on what's True and Right and Pure and Noble. You don't find those things in much TV today. I'm not legalistic about it- I definitley don't think all TV or all movies are just sinful and evil. There is a balance. For me, that balance is- "am I laughing at sin?" or "am I wanting these people to sin?" (like, do I actually want this character to sleep with this other character before they are married?) or "is there a distinct RIGHT and WRONG in this show?" Those are the kind of things I ask myself when I'm watching something. I know most people don't agree with me, and that's totally OK. I know there are things I may do or say or watch that other people think "really?? She did that??" I don't think I'm some "better Christian" because of these convictions. We're all in this process of sanctification, and we're all in different places. And that's OK.

Day 2: Photo Challenge

2011-01-17T09:56:00.000-08:00

Myself & the person I've been close with for the longest

This is my brother and me when I was about a year old, and he was almost three. My dad is here too, but for this post, the focus is my brother. We do have more recent pictures, but I thought we were just too adorable to not put up an old one ;-)

My brother, Chris (or Bub as I've always called him), and I are 20 months apart. Growing up we were always pretty close for siblings. It was just the two of us, and with moving so much there were times when we were each other's only friend. You know, between the fighting and picking and pushing and arguing, we truly did love each other. We were great friends when we were little, and even as we got older. The awkward middle & high school years, although less "close", he always still defended me when I needed it. After high school (and maturing as needed) we became close again. I'm so thankful for him in my life.

Today, I still consider us close, even though we're both married & he lives in Louisville. We still talk a couple times a week. I love what the Lord has done and is doing in his life. And I'm thankful that God brought him a great woman to live his life with. They're expecting their first baby in June! He is such a great uncle to his little nieces, I know he's going to make a wonderful dad!

Day 1: Photo Challenge

2011-01-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

Photo of myself & 15 Facts

It's a 4 year old picture, but we went to a wedding last night... so I have our wedding on my mind :)

1. The first & most important thing to know about me is I am a great sinner... in love with an even greater Savior. There was nothing He found in my that made me worthy of His grace, no amount of "good things" I could have done to earn His favor, but He still chose me. I'm eternally grateful He saved me 5 1/2 years ago, and want my life to ever point to Him.

2. I never imagined I would have 3 children by the time I'm 25... but I will come April- and won't be 25 until June. I wouldn't have it any other way! To be completely honest, I sometimes hate telling people my age because I've often had people take me "less seriously", treat me like I "don't have a clue" or like I am just plain crazy and irresponsible. Maybe that's pride... but at the same time, I like to claim the verse from Timothy to "not let people look down on (me) because of (my) youth."

3. I've always always wanted to be a wife & a mom. I thank the Lord so much for granting me the desires of my heart. I'm so thankful for my amazing husband & that the Lord has given him to me. My third desire, which came after salvation, has been to serve Him on the mission field... which leads to number 4...

4. I love reading/ learning about different cultures- particularly Africa/ Middle East. I love watching shows on different countries (even if it's just The Amazing Race- otherwise I'm not crazy about reality TV- or House Hunters International), talking to people from different countries, eating different foods- even if I don't end up liking it, I still try it. And mostly, I love travelling to different countries. I cannot wait until the day the Lord solidifies for Dustin and I where He wants us to serve Him, so we can truly engross ourselves in learning one particular culture and language.

5. I grew up a Marine Brat. Although there are many aspects of my childhood I wouldn't desire for any child, there is nothing I would change for myself. The Lord ordained my days, and has used them to mold me into who I am now... and He's continuously molding me. Moving every 3 years is just one aspect of a military life. It's funny how I've realized habits I have now are because of how I grew up. Which leads to number 6...

6. I hate junk. I hate clutter. I'm not really a sentimental person... you know, like one of those people who holds onto random things for sentimental reasons. There's nothing wrong with that at all, I'm just not that person. I, maybe once a year or so, go on random sprees where I just purge our home of junk- toys, clothes, etc- and throw stuff away. Don't be offended if you ever find something that you've given me in a yard sale. Or worse, the trash. It's nothing personal. I come by it honestly ;) I married a man who has a tendency to be a pack rat... which is a result of his growing up. This is definitely an interesting mix.

7. "Fact" number 6 does not mean I am a neat freak. I'm actually quite messy. Laundry rarely gets completely put away, and if you stop by to visit you will probably see lunch leftovers still on the table or have to move toys off to couch to sit down. Sometimes this stresses me out, but Dustin sweetly reminds me "Honey, people live here." I'm still working on it though.

8. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, or because this winter has been exceptionally cold, or the combination of the two... but I really hate getting out of my pajamas these days! Which typically is so not me! If we have no where to go on a particular day, Dustin will more than likely come home to all three of his girls in jammies :)

9. I am an avid coffee/ hot tea drinker. Usually, I just give up coffee during pregnancy, but this time I finally bought decaf. I love to start my mornings with a cup of hot tea, and lately Gabbi has been wanting to drink tea with me.... that makes my heart happy :)

10. I would like to consider myself an amateur runner- although, since babies, I don't really look like one! Running is something I've done since I was probably 9 or 10... my dad taught me how to run, and running with him is one of my favorite memories as a child. Last July was the first 5K I've run in since we got married, and I'm looking forward to getting back on track after Charity gets here. A life goal of mine is to run a marathon.

11. I love to write. It was a dream of mine ever since I was little to be a writer... maybe that's why I've ended up with a blog :) I vividly remember sitting in my room for hours when I was in elementary school writing little short stories. As I got older, in turned into (attempts at) poetry and I wrote for my high school yearbook. I've kept a journal my whole life. At one point I was in school for Journalism. It's randomly crossed my mind at times to write a book, basically of my testimony, but I'm not sure... a couple people have told me to. Maybe I'll pray about it and see where it goes :)

12. I have a not-so-secret but somewhat embarrassing love for country music. I mean old country music. I actually can't stand a lot of this new stuff that's out and is more pop than country.

13. I do not read as much as I wish I did. I have a stack of books on my "to read" list a mile long... I read a lot before kids. But how does anyone with preschoolers get a book read?? I start to fall asleep just opening a book. I'm doing good just to read my bible in a day!

14. I used to be a vegetarian. I was actually a decent "health nut" before I got married... and I still have tendencies. I'm a little into the natural/ organic food craze... but my husband keeps me from going too crazy. Thankfully. I can tend to go over the top about stuff.

15. Although I was a little bit of a "tomboy" growing up, I am so so thankful the Lord has given me 3 daughters to raise to be little ladies... The oldest of which is as girly as they come! I love it. I'm thankful to Gabbi, who because of her, anything pink, sparkley, or princess never gets passed me! :)

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-01-15T20:03:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine is doing this, and I thought it looked like fun so I'm going to do it too. No promises that it will get done everyday though! If anyone else would like to do this then copy and paste, and comment that you're doing it so I can follow you.

Here's the list of the photos needed.

I might not get around to posting "Day 1" until tomorrow... it's late!

Day 1: A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

Day3: A picture of the cast from your favourite show.

Day 4: A picture of your night.

Day 5: A picture of your favourite memory.

Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Day 11: A picture of something you hate.

Day 12: A picture of something you love.

Day 13: A picture of your favourite band or artist.

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.

Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Day 19: A picture of you when you were little.

Day 20: A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.

Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Day 23: A picture of your favourite book.

Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.

Day 25: A picture of your day.

Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.

Day 28: A picture of something you're afraid of.

Day 29: A picture that always makes you smile.

Day 30: A picture of someone you miss

Another year has gone by... (long post!)

2011-01-10T18:51:00.000-08:00

It's ten days into the New Year and I'm just not getting to blogging! We have been pretty busy the passed couple weeks though. Between snow and traveling, it's pretty hard to get back into a routine around here!

Our Christmas was pretty quiet without having any family in from out of town. Christmas Eve after church service Mom and Dad came over for our dinner. The four of us were up at seven the next morning to open presents. It was a blast... Gabbi is really at a fun age where she gets excited about everything. And Catie is at the fun age where she's excited about paper! So everyone enjoyed themselves haha :) After presents we made breakfast, and Mom & Dad came over for breakfast and to open their gifts. Then at lunch time we headed to Dustin's grandparents for the afternoon.

Gabbi's big hit was her doll house (that she for some reason wants to call a tree house...?) from Nana and Poppy.

Although Minnie Mouse wasn't Catie's "favorite" gift, I just couldn't resist putting this picture up. She does love Minnie, but do you notice the little green & white toy in her right hand? That's her very own cell phone that she opened up first... she held it in her hand the rest of the morning, opening all her other gifts with her left hand.

New Year's weekend we traveled to Birmingham to visit my aunt, uncle, and 8-year old cousin. It was a fun, yet sleepless, weekend. My aunt and I took Gracie (my cousin) and Gabbi to see Tangled Friday afternoon. It was Gabbi's first movie at the theater. She loved it... even though I'm not sure it was the greatest idea I've ever had. There were definitely a couple scary/ intense scenes where she clung real tightly to me. That, coupled with the fact that it was a HUGE screen and much louder than what she's used to, are the reasons we think Gabbi ended up with a nightmare that night :( She really did enjoy the movie though. And I think we'll still end up getting the DVD... being able to fast forward the more intense parts is a bonus :)

On January 5th, Dustin and I celebrated 4 whole years of marriage! I can't believe it's been 4 years already. On one hand, we feel like we've reached some kind of milestone... yet compared to so many couples we know who have been married for 8, 9, 10 or more years, it still is such a small amount of time. This passed year though, seems like it's been the best so far.

We heard over and over again the first couple years are the hardest. We were definitely no exception to the rule. With the added fact that our sweet little "honeymoon surprise" came into our life 9 months and 4 days after our wedding, the first couple years of our marriage were spent not only adjusting to each other, but to being parents as well!

But 2010 was a good year. They were all "good" years, we would never undo anything the Lord has done in our lives... but as far as marriage- our relationship- is concerned, it was the best. The Lord is continuously showing us sin (selfishness mainly), molding us to His likeness, and all the while bringing us closer together. I'm so thankful for His grace in our lives. That He gave me a man who loves Him and desires His glory above all else in our lives. I never want to take that for granted... because I know not all women have that. Dustin read this passed week and shared with me, "Marriage is the union of two forgivers"... we will definitely testify to that!

As we enter into 2011 and our 5th year of marriage, there are going to be some changes in our life! Dustin is starting (back to) school... one of the things I couldn't yet mention a few posts ago, but am so excited to share now. He has about 2 1/2 years left to finish his bachelor's, then Lord willing, we'll follow that up with seminary. I'm so excited to see this desire we've had since before we were married (and that he's had since before we met!) starting to come into the works. He's *almost* gone back to school a handful of times these passed few years, just seems to never have been the Lord's timing.

Also 2011 will bring the addition of our 3rd baby girl! I praise the Lord our Charity Ruth has not made her entrance yet. I'm so thankful she's still healthy, and my contractions have really slowed down the passed couple weeks. I also took the fetal fibronectin test on Friday, which came back negative. Meaning, 99% chance I won't be going into labor in the next few weeks. I am very anxious to meet this newest blessing... to see what (and who) she is going to look like, to begin truly bonding with her, to count her little fingers and toes, to see what he big sisters are going to think of her... I just don't want to meet her before 36 weeks :)

In 2011 I will become an aunt! My brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first baby the beginning of June. Next week we'll all find out if Dustin and I will have a *niece* or *nephew*. I'll go ahead and share that I'm predicting *niece* because I'm okay with being wrong ;o)

I'm so excited about all the Lord is going to do in our lives this year. I pray that my excitement will not wish the year away, waiting for the next big "event"... but that I will continue to seek Him daily... as it is daily that I need His grace...

Jesus is the reason... so then what?

2010-12-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

I am in disbelief that Christmas is two days away! This week has been busy- finishing up gift shopping & grocery shopping... not great on the "staying off my feet" orders for the doctor, but what is a Mommy to do?!

I went to see my doctor again Tuesday. It was a good visit, and gave me peace of mind after having a lot of contractions last weekend. Still no change and Charity is still growing so well with a strong heartbeat! But she wants me to be back in two weeks to do a fetal fibronectin test to tell whether I am likely to go into preterm labor. I'm thankful we have such a thorough doctor, whose concerns are the same as mine! What a night & day difference from the doctor we had with Gabbi.

Anyway, here I sit, one baby sleeping & the other running a couple errands with her Daddy. Dustin showed up at 1:00 this afternoon, a surprise to me & the girls! He said hardly anyone was at work today and he found himself just chatting and visiting with everyone at the office, so he thought he may as well come home :) And he's off until Jan 3rd! What a blessing to have him home with us!

I should probably be laying down or napping right now since the house is unusually quiet, but I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind that have been leaving me blank the past several days. Then I read today's post on the True Woman blog, and it left me even more confused. Celebrating Christmas in an unbelieving home my whole life (even though we would have said we were believers), Jesus was the afterthought of Christmas. Or, yes He was the "reason" for the season... so thank You, Jesus for being born so we can eat good food and have lots of presents. I don't know how my parents afforded to give us so much for Christmas, but we were spoiled. My mom and dad never did the whole "Santa" thing real big, but we weren't missing him with all the stuff we got. I did love those times as a kid, being with all my family. I do have good memories, but they simply don't include Christ.

When we came to know Christ, however, it all shifted... as it should have. And now every year I know Him, He reveals to me more and more what all happened that night He was born. How truly amazing it is. How unbelievable that my High King would humble Himself to the point of becoming a human... and even "less" than merely human... a baby! Who would cry, and hunger, and need His nose wiped, His bottom wiped, be utterly dependent on a young, teenage girl... What humility! He was fully human (without ceasing to be fully God). He did this because there was no other way we could be with Him. Yet He wanted us with Him.... me... He wanted me to be His, so He came. Wow. Hallelujah! He's shown me that, and so much more.

Dustin and I, we want our children to grow knowing the so much more part of Christmas. The part of Christmas that is greater than any Doll house or Princess nightgown they could unwrap. But how??? That is my question... how???

When we were married, especially after Gabbi was born, we decided we weren't going to do Santa. While I think there is absolutely no benefit- and not only no benefit, we believe it takes away from Christ- I'm not going to go on and on about how terrible you are if you do Santa with your kids. Because you're not. I just ask you to consider where we are coming from.

We just decided- besides the fact that it's lying- there is no gospel in "Santa Claus". There are too many similarities between God and "Santa"- they both are omniscient, all knowing & omnipresent. They both know when you're good and bad, but want you to be good, etc. Despite all their similarities, they are very different on the most important thing... If you are good for "Santa" he rewards you with all these presents! But if you are bad, you get nothing- or coal- or (as is the case in most homes, I'm sure) you still get stuff without consequences... That is so unlike our God. No one is deserving of the gifts we get. We could never be good enough for God, yet He bestows His blessings on us because of His grace... and there are consequences for sin. That is why Jesus had to come in the first place! Aside from this one major issue, there were a couple "smaller" reasons... We were also troubled with the idea that our kids' whole childhood we would say "Santa is real. God is real. Santa sees you when you're sleeping. God sees you when you're sleeping. Santa sees everything you do. God sees everything you do." Then one day our child finds out the truth about Santa, and they come to us and say "...so what about God??" Finally, we believe it takes away the glory God deserves for His provision. The kids wake up bright and early Christmas morning, ready to open all the presents, there's so much excitement, and when all the gifts are opened they shout what? "Thank you... Santa???" When the Lord is truly the one deserving the thanks and praise for what He has allowed us to get.

Ok, so we don't do Santa... we know that's not going to the one answer for having our children understand the "so much more". Dustin and I also have talked in the past about the amount of stuff we get our children. Since we don't want presents to be the driving focus of the holiday, we decided that our children will get three gifts from us. Jesus got three gifts, they'll get three gifts. Well, that's from us... then there are aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, friends, so on and so on... they still get them stuff. And we're not so stick-in-the-mud that we're going to say "please, don't get our kids gifts" (not that you're a stick-in-the-mud if that's what you do!). I love giving gifts! I love picking out something I just know someone is going to love- especially my daughters- and the anticipation of seeing their face when they open it. I'm not going to take that away from someone. And let's face it, little girls are FUN to shop for. This is the first year where Gabbi really knows what's going on. Which makes it fun. It also makes it all the more troubling. Everyday she's asked me "is it Jesus's birthday yet??" (because I told her we'll open presents on Jesus's bday). She thinks every present I wrap is for her. I've even had to re-tape a gift or two because of her anxiousness. It's cute. Yes. So sweet. Yes... but how do I make her really understand? I know at 3, she's only going to understand so much. But as they grow, how do I make them understand it's not about the gifts that will one day perish, the gifts that will still leave you empty no matter how much you get... it's about The Gift??

We started doing Advent candles this year, with little Gabbi-sized devotions. I'm loving it. It's truly been some of my favorite times as a family so far. Gabbi listens as her Daddy reads from the bible and the Jesus Storybook Bible. She talks about it. She does get that Jesus was born, and we open gifts on His birthday. I just want it to be so much more than the presents. I want our children to truly cherish the time with our family, to cherish Christ & His coming... over gifts. I'm sure every Christian mom wants that. I just am at a loss on how to get there. Part of me thinks it won't really happen until they know Christ. Part of me says, they're kids & kids will always be excited about presents. True. I just think there is a balance somewhere. I'm welcome to (and actually asking for) everyone's thoughts on the subject.

Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

2010-12-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

I love snow! Love love love snow! Not the greatest fan of being cold, but, I'll deal with it during the snow. It's beautiful. It's fun. It's great. I kind of wish we lived in a part of the country that got a little more snow than here. Then maybe so many people wouldn't have such a bad attitude about it! ;o)

I'm really wishing this post would have some great pictures of how we absolutely enjoyed this wonderful snow today... but there won't be any. It was below freezing all day, with a windchill of like, 6 degrees. My 3 year old and sick 1 year old stayed nice and cozy inside- as did Dustin and I! This was already the second snow of the winter... and it's not even winter! But Gabbi and I got out on the back porch just a little while the first time one day last week. We're hoping it's a year for a lot of snow. Maybe even a white Christmas *fingers crossed*. On Christmas, I already told Dustin, no matter how cold it is if it snows, we will be outside at some point. So no pictures of tonight, but I'll leave a picture of last winter's big snow. Here's Gabbi staying cool in the "fort" her Daddy and Poppy built for her.

I am excited to share our home is finally decorated for Christmas! What few decorations we have. But I'm not worried about it, nor am I caught up in how our home needs to look for the holidays. I suppose I easily could be, but for financial reasons and the fact that we haven't yet been married 4 years, we just haven't accumulated much stuff :) This is a year of firsts, however. Two Sundays ago we ventured out to find our first *real* Christmas tree. I am in love! If we can help it, we'll never have an artificial tree again. We bought from this little place across from the new Kroger on Broadway. All the trees were beautiful, and not nearly as expensive as I thought. They truly were some of the prettiest real trees I've ever seen- and I'm not just saying that because ours is from there ;) Gabbi had a blast picking out our tree. She ran to the biggest trees on the lot wanting "that one". It was bitter cold that evening, but she didn't seem to notice. We finally settled on one, came home, ate soup, drank hot chocolate, and decorated our tree. Gabbi helped us decorate after Catie went to bed. She hung about ten ornaments or so before she went on to bed and Dustin and I finished up. I got a kick the next morning of hearing her tell Catie about the tree.

"Isn't our tree beautiful, Catie? Mommy and I decorated it last night. See, I did this one, Catie (pointing to an ornament she hung). And this one... And this one..." I love how, in her mind, Daddy had nothing to do with it. And she didn't even notice the tree being completed the next morning. When she had gone to bed, the bottom third of it was missing lights because Dustin had to go out and buy more.

I also love how she always talks to Catie as if Catie understands everything she's saying. It's so sweet, and I know one day (very soon), Catie will really be understanding everything she's saying. On one hand, I don't want that day to come. But on the other hand, I'm so anxious to see how they'll interact and talk when Catie gets just a little bigger. However, these days we're really working on some heart issues with Gabbi as far as Catie is concerned. We pray everyday, sometimes several times a day, for the Lord to help Gabbi love Catie, help her be kind to Catie, and not be selfish, not to push/ hit/ trip, etc. My patience is often tested, and I must continually remember the Lord's constant patience with me. He has shown me much grace in my life, and I pray Gabbi will see this grace through me. There are things God has to tell me over- and over- and over- and over- again before one day, I get it! And I have the Holy Spirit. Gabbi doesn't, so how could I possibly expect her to do better than I? In the mean time, we'll keep praying. Keep reminding. Keep speaking truth to her and over her. I am looking forward to seeing God's mighty hand in her life.

Baby News & My Amazing Hubby

2010-11-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

He is absolutely amazing.

The weird thing about marriage, is when you are dating/ engaged/ newly married there is so much emotion involved that you don't think you could love them anymore than you do right then. Which, if you are taught correctly, you are aware those emotions will fade. True. Very true. In almost 4 years of marriage, I can state that as fact. I was prepared for it. But what I wasn't prepared for, something I don't think anyone could prepare me for or even describe, is the love that replaces those emotions. A love that can only grow over handfuls of arguments, long late-night pillow conversations, children, several different homes, tears, laughter... Everything that makes up a marriage.

After seeing his huge grin last night when he felt Charity (yes, Baby has a name now!) kick for the first time, I just looked at him and said "I love you... more and more... I just never thought that possible."

But isn't that what it should be like? If our marriage is supposed to represent Christ and the Church? The more I learn about my husband- the man God has made him and is growing him to be-- the more I love him. Just like the Lord. The more I learn about Him and know Him, the more time I spend with Him and the more He shows me who He is-- the more I love Him.

We went to the Doctor yesterday... finally... after he'd been wanting me to call for 2 weeks.

Two weeks ago, while singing during the Missions Conference at church I started cramping, real painful cramps. But there were no other symptoms of anything being wrong, and eventually while sitting during the sermon, they went away. Since then, every other day or so (sometimes more frequently) I've felt the same cramping, sometimes not as painful, but it feels just like contractions. I told Dustin, and he immediately wanted me to call me doctor. Because I was just 18 weeks, I was just thinking "there's no way I could really be contracting?" But one night a few days ago I felt the same cramps when I was lying on my back in bed. When I put my hand on my stomach my whole lower abdomen was hardened. So finally last Friday or Saturday I told him I'd call first thing Monday.

We went, and although I'm thankfully not starting to dilate this soon, my doctor was still concerned. She said if I start dilating I'll definitely be put on bed rest. For now though, I'm on "modified" bed rest. No lifting my babies, no lifting anything really, no strenuous housework, being off my feet as much as possible. Of course, I'm going to rest as much as I can... but seriously, how much can you rest at home with a 3 and 1 year old?
Well, my sweet husband didn't even blink when my doctor looked at him and said "This means you will have to do a lot more around the house for her!" So last night I didn't even get off the couch to get a drink of water. (Even though I don't think it would hurt me to do that.) When I had to get up to go to the bathroom, he said "Wish I could to that for you too!" :) He knows what it will mean the next several weeks. Even though I still want to help out and do some things, he's pretty much against me doing anything that's not necessary.
He just so wonderful. Despite whatever "differences" we've had to work through, and still do, we're both learning and growing. He's such a good daddy & loving husband. He loves both his little girls so much. Where some husbands would probably show some "disappointment" with a third girl on the way, he just can't wait. I am so thankful to God for him. The Lord knew just what I needed in a husband and chose Dustin for me... to journey along with me and help me grow in so many ways.

Christmas Card Sneak Peak

2010-11-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

We drove up to the Museum of Appalachia this afternoon to take some long-overdue family pictures! My mom takes great pictures, and I love to sit and edit them on my computer. I think we'd make a great pair to go into business together ;) It helps that our subjects are absolutely adorable too... but of course, I'm biased.

I can't wait to put together a Christmas card to send out. I will definitely be using Shutterfly again. We've used them a few times in the passed couple years for our family Christmas cards, and birth announcements for the girls. We will surely go with them again this coming April for the new baby.

Now, I'm not one to typically blog about every offer that comes along, or to do "shout-outs" to certain businesses. But I thought this was one not to pass up, plus I really think my readers (although few in number) would like to hear about this too.

Shutterfly has a special promotion going on for 50 free Christmas cards for bloggers. I love Shutterfly! There are tons of selections to choose from; it always takes me a while to make up my mind. This year, I'm probably going to go with "Family Wall Noir" or "Oh Holy Night"- I like that you can select multiple pictures to show on the card. After our little photo shoot, I have a lot of pictures to choose from! No matter what choice I go with, I always know they'll do a great job, and I won't be disappointed.

Another thing Shutterfly offers that I haven't done yet are desk calendars. I was looking at these earlier and do think they would make great Christmas gifts. Especially for grandparents or for Dustin for his office.

Even if you're just considering sending out photo cards this year, you should go on over and check them out!

Random Ramblings

2010-11-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to update this blog for a while now. I guess I'm not the best at keeping a blog. I don't know why? ...Perhaps it's having two kids, a home to manage, 4 mouths to feed, and being pregnant... I know some moms have much more on their plates than I do, and still manage to keep a blog. It's my desire, yes... hopefully one day.

I didn't come here knowing what I was going to write about, just wanting to write.

I am now 18 weeks pregnant with our third daughter. We are very excited about having 3 little girls ages 3 and under come April! Life will be crazy and busy... but life will be so sweet.

My prayer and heart's desire is for them to grow to be such sweet friends. I feel quite inadequate to be the mother of two daughters, let alone, three! To teach them about the Lord, and train them to be godly women. I have so much to learn myself about being a godly woman... I myself have so many shortcomings and fail over and over again as a wife and mother. How to teach them??? Oh, but the Lord's grace is there. Over every aspect of my life and motherhood. I'm so grateful for Him and trust He will continue to teach me and grow me in the year's to come.

I love this time of year. My favorite time passed a few weeks ago, the peak of fall, but I still love the end of the year... I sit now and I can see leaves blowing all around out the window. A few have come up and hit my back door making some quiet noise. I love it! I love the bare trees, the cool wind, the anticipation of feasting with family, the anticipation of what the Lord will do in the spring.... doing what He is an expert at... making everything new, and bright, and beautiful.

There is just so much anticipation about this time of year. Especially now being pregnant. With the last two I was pregnant in the summer, so it's all new being pregnant over the winter.

A lot of people hate the winter. I usually am one of those people. However, a few months ago God convicted me of complaining about the weather. Truly, if I am to be thankful for all things, if I am one of God's children, if I believe God is sovereign over creation (including the weather), then who I am to complain about it? If I am complaining about the weather, then really I'm just complaining about God's decision.... this thought process goes so much farther than just the weather. But I have a tendency to complain... about lots of things... but I'll complain about the heat, or the cold, or how long it's taking for the cold to go away and the heat to come or vice versa. This year, I've done a lot better. Like right now it's in the 70s here in Knoxville and Thanksgiving is on Thursday. Seriously, a little unbelievable. But I will accept it, and accept this warm weather as long as it holds out. And pray that when the cold of winter comes, the Lord will gently remind me to bite my tongue and be thankful. I pray this mindset will make it's way to many avenues of my life.

This passed fall God has done so much in mine and Dustin's life. In our marriage. In showing us and confirming for us His plan for us. Right now isn't exactly the time to share everything, but I truly cannot wait to pour it all out on this blog. For now, I can say that Dustin is planning/ praying to go to West Africa in March. He and I both went in Dec of 2008, and He has wanted to go again ever since. He and I both have a God-given love and burden for the Muslims in Africa, so I am very excited to see Dustin's desire to go back again coming to pass. We are just praying for the financial aspect of that trip... A definite need.

I just ask that if you pray for us, you would continue to do so, asking the Lord to continue to draw us, and continue to guide us in all the decisions we make for this growing family. Thank you :)

So glad to be back in the blogging world!

Doing Some Weeding

2010-08-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I got out somewhat early to beat the heat and pull some weeds in my flower beds. It's interesting because right after doing all the initial work and hard labor in them, I was disciplined about picking every weed the moment I saw it barely shoot up through the mulch. Everyday pretty much, when I would walk past the flower beds I would pull up two or three weeds. After some time went by, I was less disciplined in checking on the weeds. Then out of what seems like nowhere, two weeks ago I looked at the flower beds and there were these huge bushes of weeds! Some as big as my smaller flowers! What had happened? I never really noticed them growing, it seemed just as if overnight they appeared. I know that's not physically possible, but it was caused by my neglect.

The next few days whenever I would walk up to my front door I would notice the weeds, then just shake my head and keep walking. I did not feel like dealing with those weeds. They're so big, and I'm tired, and it would just take too long in the heat. I knew I needed to, I knew in all honesty it would be so irresponsible and such a waste of all the time I spent planting my flowers a couple months ago if I would let the weeds overtake. The longer I let them go, the harder it would be to get them up.

So last Saturday morning after breakfast I got up, got dressed and headed outside... lethargically... complaining... thinking of all the things I could be doing instead of pulling the weeds.... then when I was about halfway done, I realized "ok, this really isn't that bad."

Even though it wasn't exactly what I wanted to be doing, I kind of enjoyed cleaning up the flower beds. And the end result was just great!

As I was working, the Lord showed me how true this scenario is in my own life. Searching out and pulling the weeds in my heart is not fun. It's a pain, and oftentimes I wan to put off dealing with sin. Even though, deep down I know as a child of God I can't put it off for long. Everyday time in the word and prayer is crucial in our walk with God. I need to be constantly examining my heart, allowing to the Lord to point out sin in my life that needs to be put away. It's hard work, but the end result is worth it! Just to sit and meditate on the grace & mercy He shows to His children!

I was reminded of another "garden analogy", something I read a couple years ago called Pruned to Bloom by P. Bunny Wilson. She said,

"Pruning is one of the most important tasks in growing a vineyard. Every year, up to 90% of the vine is cut away. A wise gardener knows that pruning positively affects the quantity and quality of the fruit... We usually find ourselves in one of three places: We have just been pruned, we are growing back from after a pruning, or we are in full bloom."

Jesus said, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:1-2)

Is the Lord doing any weeding or pruning in your life? Rejoice that "He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil 1:6)

Haven't been myself these days...

2010-08-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

But I think I'm back now.

Since my previous post, the Lord has really been working in my heart and life. Teaching me, drawing me, pruning me. He is so good.

You see, I didn't truly come to know Christ and His saving grace until about 5 years ago. I wasn't raised in a Christian home (although my parents did the best they knew and now, praise God, both of them and my brother are believers). I knew about God and Jesus and we on again/ off again went to church... but we weren't taught GRACE. We didn't know that we could- and should- study the Word for ourselves. We believed "no one could EVER have assurance of salvation" and if you said you knew for a fact that you would go to Heaven when you died, you were either full of pride or a heretic. Our salvation was based upon our own merit. A checklist of good works, church attendance, and "putting God first in our lives". I always would have said we did put God first, but looking back now I truly had no idea what that even meant! Today, even as His child, I continue to fall short of putting Him first in my life!!!

WORK! WORK! WORK! and NO GRACE!!!

My flesh still has a tendency to fall back to those habits even today. That's where I've been, for a couple months I think. It's not like I just wake up and say to myself, "I'll try to earn my salvation today." Just a few weeks ago, maybe I month or more, I don't really know... I began to feel SO terribly overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted. As if I was drowning and fighting with all my strength just to keep my head above water. Why?! Over several days time the Lord started revealing to me the source of my frustration and anxiety:

I feel more accepted by God when my house is clean. When it's messy, I feel as if He's frowning on me.

Whenever I open my Bible, it wasn't because I wanted to know Christ. I was checking it off my list of things to do to be accepted by God.

If Gabbi watched more than a certain amount of TV, I felt like a horrible mom which led to feeling less accepted by God.

If Gabbi is having a hard day obeying (which, on another note, she has had a "hard time obeying" for over 2 weeks now), it was because I failed in some way. As if it is all up to us to make her heart obedient. Therefore, feeling less accepted by God.

This all may sound so crazy to anyone else, but they truly are thoughts that I believed in my mind!

I couldn't pray, because after all, I "didn't deserve" to go before the presence of Almighty God. The prayers I did mutter were something like, "LORD, help me!" "Father what's wrong with me?" "Deliver me from whatever this is!" I didn't open my Bible because I felt like He wouldn't speak to me. Opening the Word just made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't worship. I mean, will still went to service, but I felt as if there was this wall above me and the praises I would sing would just hit the wall.

Oh but, "It is for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery"(Gal 5:1)!

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing: it is a gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand..." (Eph 2:8-10, emphasis mine)

If my salvation were because of my works, then I would get the glory, not God. The good works a Christian does flows from a heart of gratitude toward God for what has already been done. We work BECAUSE OF our salvation, not FOR our salvation.

Pastor, in his message two Sundays ago on prayer, said something that convicted me so greatly of my self-righteousness. See, I would never have said that I was being self-righteous, because my problem was that I was "just not righteous at all". But Pastor talked about the person who kept falling short and falling short, and was just so torn up over their sin that when they went to pray, they would just have to stop because they "couldn't go before the Lord". "That's me!" I thought. "That's pride and going to God based on your own merit!" Pastor said.

Oooohh... wow. He gave to opposite illustration as well, which I know I've done too. Self-righteousness. I have no merit!!! I am righteous because of Christ and only because of Christ! I'm accepted IN THE BELOVED.

Of course I do not "deserve" to go before God in prayer, I never have deserved to. That's what grace is! Unmerited favor. Bestowing something upon us that we do not deserve. I go before God based on what Christ has done, and because I am Christ's and He is mine.

Being in Romans 8 the passed few weeks has also helped me so much.

"There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do." Rom 8:1-3

I am free from the law of sin, which wants me to continue to attempt to earn and work for my salvation and acceptance. I can never be good enough. But Christ was and IS.

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry 'Abba! Father!" Rom 8:15

An adoption can NEVER be undone. This is why I can have the full assurance that I cannot lose my salvation.

Pastor believes Romans Chapter 8 to be the greatest chapter in all the Bible. It begins with no condemnation and ends with no separation. I can't say I disagree with him yet.

On Sunday morning for the first time in, honestly, I don't even know how long, I felt free to worship. I was going before God in worship not because I deserved to praise Him but because HE deserves my praise! I left Sunday morning, anxious to return to worship and hear the Word being taught Sunday evening. I haven't been excited to go back to Church like that in the same amount of time.

The Lord is so sweet. Reminding me that it's not all about me.

My house is currently a mess, lunch leftovers still remain on the table and a basket of folded laundry is at my feet, not yet having made it to their "homes" in our bedrooms. The rug needs to be vacuumed, the dining area swept for the 3rd time today, and I still need to clean the bathroom before my parents get in tonight. But you know, this overwhelming peace surrounds me. The Lord is smiling at me, He sings over me- loudly (Zeph 3:17). There is no condemnation FOR ME.

I opened my Bible on Monday... because I wanted to sit and know Him more. Know His character, know His love for me.

I started in Ephesians 1. Who I am in Christ.

"...even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him..." (Eph 1:4)
And this was the note for that verse: God's initiative in redeeming the believer from sin and death was not an arbitrary or whimsical decision but something God had planned all along "in Christ". Since God chose his people in his love, they can take no credit for their salvation. God was determined to have them as his own.

If you are in Christ, coming to God in repentance from your sin, your self righteousness, accepting that you can no longer work to earn your salvation, not coming to Him with your list of "I did these and didn't do those" but only because of Christ's death on the cross that satisfies the wrath of God- the payment of death that YOU (and I) deserve. Trusting that God has fully accepted that sacrifice. Then you are His... and God was DETERMINED to have YOU as His own.

Can I please get a Hallelujah?

July is almost gone???

2010-07-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

Oh my, where does the time go???

It's been a month since I've updated! July has been a busy month for us... obviously.

Beginning with July 4th weekend (which is always busy), to doctors appointments, Catie finally has two top teeth, Gabbi apparently no longer has a gluten allergy, we've traveled, Dustin has had his knee surgery & here we are!

I have been exhausted and overwhelmed much of the time... Hence, my lack of blogging. I've not much to say at the end of the day when all I want to do- and have wanted to do for several hours- is crawl into bed.

I'm praying for next month to be more refreshing, but I'm not sure.

The Lord is good. The Lord is faithful. I need His rest.

1000 Gifts

2010-06-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

Thankfulness... #21-#36

:::days at the lake

:::family time

:::hot summer sun

:::farmer's tans

:::the Lord's gentle discipline

:::Psalm 119:71

:::how the Lord is moving in our church body

:::being back in choir

:::weekends

:::Interfaith clinic- who is going to pay for 90% of Dustin's knee surgery

:::AC

:::doing yard work

:::flowers :) the Lord is so very creative

:::watching my babies grow

:::the Lord's sovereignty

:::there is no pit so deep, that He is not deeper still (Corrie ten Boom)

from Him, through Him, to Him

2010-06-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

Chapter Two Nancy Leigh DeMoss: from Him, through Him, to Him

I don't even know where to begin with Chapter Two!!

All I can say is that I had picked it up several times to begin reading it. But between balancing this home and my two girls & husband, I had to set it down each time. The Lord's timing was just perfect though; if I hadn't truly realized that lately, I do now. This week has been trying to say the least. Overwhelming. Gabbi has been testing me tremendously. Dustin and I are in one of those weeks where we're just ill with each other.... mostly from my flesh though, I'm sure. Maybe frustrations with Gabbi are being put on to him? Maybe I am having expectations I shouldn't be? There are other things too, that right now is not the place to share on the internet.

Just a hard week.

Then I picked up the book again, determined to finish it. The Lord spoke directly to me through this chapter. The whole time I was almost laughing at how not coincidental it was. I kept on reading parts out load to Dustin saying "can you believe this???"

Anyway, the verse Nancy was focusing on was from Romans:

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" "Or who has given Him a gift that He might be repaid?" For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

These verses are foundational for us as women. A reference point for our hearts, Nancy says, for us to always go back to. These verses are a reminder of God's sovereignty.

The word "depth" in the Greek is similar to our word "bath"... when reading about the depth of God's riches, wisdom and knowledge we can have a picture of sinking down into a bathtub. Although, God's riches, wisdom and knowledge are much deeper than a bath (we can only take that illustration so far). His ways are beyond our capacity to fathom!! I just love that!!

Nancy says:

In fact, rather than demanding answers to our questions, we should trust that He knows what we need to know- as well as what we don't- and that it is His kindness that withholds from us what would be too grand or painful for us to absorb in our mortal minds...

You will never be able to fully explore what God is doing in your life. You cannot possibly see the end or the outcome, not yet anyway. You cannot fathom the means He has devised to fulfill His holy purposes through You. He doesn't owe you an explanation. He is God, and He is working.

So often I, and I know I'm not the only one, want to know the end product. I say "ok, this hurts, this is hard... what does this mean? what is this going to look like when it's over? what am I going to look like when it's over? God, what are you doing right now??"

But He doesn't owe me an explanation.

Nancy wrote that we are "faced with the opposition of either demanding an answer, or living in submitted trust". Those are the only options.

As I was reading, the conviction was just pouring on. Then Nancy wrote this:

...to resist or resent the situation and circumstances in which you find yourself is ultimately to resent and resist God Himself. From Him are all things.

I have a note written in the margin, the first thing that came to my mind when I read that, "why would I resist or resent the Good Shepherd??"

So how do we respond?

1. A true woman lives a God-centered life.

He is her reason for living! She lives for His glory and pleasure not her own pleasure. How counter-culture is that?

2. A true woman trusts God.

She accepts His will as good even though it may not be what she defines as "good".

He is good and does good. (Ps 119:68)

3. A true woman says "yes, Lord".

Saying yes to the Lord means saying "no" to many other things...

No to... bitterness, self-centeredness, whining, complaining, pining, resenting- resisting- running- from the will of God.

Well, this is Chapter two in a very small nutshell!

Nancy concluded by saying that we can look back years down the road at our currently painful circumstances and say: why did I worry? why did I fret? why didn't I trust the Lord? etc...

I know this is true, I just pray the Lord would make this so real in my life!! Oh, I desire to trust Him. I desire so much to say, "behold me, Your little girl, acceptance with joy!" I can accept things, but not with joy... yet. But He is not finished with me :) Or you!

1000 Gifts

2010-06-17T08:57:00.002-07:00

I stumbled across a blog. It's a breath of fresh air. I've been challenged. 1000 Gifts. I don't have a time frame... it will take me as long as it takes me. I'm praying during this challenge, the Lord will grow in me a constant heart of thankfulness. During the week I'm journaling things that happen, or things the Lord brings to my mind, that I'm thankful for. Thursdays I'll blog them, until I reach a thousand. I'll encourage everyone to join too and see how the Lord uses is it in your life.

And so I begin... #1-#20

I am thankful...

:: for ballerina jumps and pink tutus

:: "mommy, one more hug" before bed

:: reading time

:: a sweet little voice reciting Psalm 23

:: His grace that covers a multitude of sin

:: for being dirty, so He can make me clean

: summertime

:: late night swims @ the Bergman's

:: card games

:: music

:: for God's very Word spoken to me through the Bible.

:: that I can only plant or water, but it's God who does the growing (1 Cor 3:7)

:: that there truly is no formula, no "A + B = C" for this journey... but that our Shepherd shows us the Way

:: re-combing messy, blonde curls after naptime

:: baby feet

::summer thunderstorms

:: the joy it brings to my heart, and the smile it brings to my face when I hear Gabbi singing praise songs to the King

:: ....realizing my Father feels the same way about me... :)

:: knowing that in the Body of Christ, we always have family

:: He will complete the work He started in me (Phil 1:6). He's not through with me yet.

Marriage...

2010-06-15T15:47:00.001-07:00

I had thought I wanted to see the movie When in Rome, so I checked it out on Plugged In's website. They do movie reviews from a Christian standpoint. Sometimes Dustin and I check out the movies we rent or go see on there before doing so, to make sure it's something we want to invest two hours in... and sometimes we don't, but wish we had! Well, we won't be renting it for sure, but the reviewer had some great thoughts that I had to share.

He says:

"...while the film doesn't overemphasize sex, it errs in another way—underemphasizing marriage, or at least its sanctity and sacredness...

Marriage is about so much more than passion, more than risk—more than a lottery ticket where the winners get fairy-tale endings and losers find divorce attorneys. Marriage is about commitment—commitment that holds firm through the fickle vagaries of human emotion. Yes, there's risk involved in it, but marriage should never be analogous to rolling the dice in a game of chance. Rather, it's like building a house: You check the foundation, you build the angles square, you make sure the place will last a lifetime.

That's how the greatest cities in the world worked their way into the history books, you know. Rome wasn't built in a day. Nor was it built on a bet."

(Paul Asay)

Thought that was great and just had to share!

Chapter One Thoughts

2010-06-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made her. Elisabeth Elliot

Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. John Piper

I still remember when John Piper made that statement for the first time at the conference a year and a half ago. My initial thought was "That is so true! Oh Lord, I don't want to be a wimpy woman!" I still pray that today... for myself and for my daughters. I'm so very thankful for the church my family and I are in. I'm thankful it was the first church the Lord led me to after coming to know Him, when I was a "baby" Christian who was very susceptible to being "carried about by every wind of doctrine" (Eph 4:14). I'm thankful for a Pastor and Elders who desire truth, and teach the truth of the Word, no matter how hard the truth is, no matter if the truth brings in the crowds or not. I'm thankful for not having been taught wimpy theology.

...Then why do I still feel like I'm a wimpy woman?

In the beginning of the chapter Piper gives several examples of the opposite of a wimpy woman. I want to share one that "hit home" to me the most.

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Gladys Staines who in 1999, after serving with her husband Graham in India for three decades learned that he and their two sons, Phillip (10) and Timothy (6), had been set on fire and burned alive by the very people they had served for thirthy-four years, said, "I have only one message for the people of India. I'm not bitter. Neither am I angry. Let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ's love."

The opposite of a wimpy woman is her thirteen-year-old daughter Esther (rightly named) who said, when asked how she felt about her father's murder, "I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him." 1

Wow.

I asked myself what it was these and the five other women he listed had in common. I continued reading and found the answer when Piper said, "Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness." It doesn't have the foundation of a "God-centered purpose for all things".

God's ultimate purpose for the universe and for all of history and for your life is to display the glory of Christ in its highest expression, namely, in His dying to make a rebellious people His everlasting and supremely happy bride. Piper

So why am I still a wimpy woman?

Because I am so very "me" centered.

And it has nothing to do with what I'm taught from my Pastor behind the pulpit.

It's just because I'm in this process called sanctification and I can just simply praise the Lord that He is not finished with me. Then I shall turn from my me-centeredness, and turn to Him and pray that this rebellious child will bring Him the glory He is due... through my womanhood and my marriage.

Because I am a woman, I am able to display the glory of Christ in a way that would not be possible had God not created women/ womanhood, in ways that men are not able to (and vice versa). What does this look like in my marriage? Dustin and I are called to display the covenant relationship, the love between Christ and His church (Eph 5:31). Our roles are absolutely different and absolutely essential. Headship, Christ, the Husband. Submission, the Church, the Wife. These are God's design, "so that marriage will display, as in a mirror dimly, something of the glory of the sacrificial love of Christ for His bride and the lavish reverence and admiration of the bride for her husband."

Lavish reverence and admiration...

Do you feel this way about your husband? Do you act this way toward your husband? And I'm not talking about butterflies, kisses, and "oh, he just makes me laugh so much!"

*reverence: honor or respect felt or shown

*to revere: to show devoted deferential honor to; regard as worthy of great honor

*admiration: an object of esteem 2

Embrace this truth: if you are a believing, married woman, you are called by God to display the glory of Christ in the way you relate to your husband.

1. Randy Alcorn "The World Was Not Worthy of Them"

2. definitions from www.merriam-webster.com

All other quotes taken from Voices of the True Woman Movement

A New Season

2010-06-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day kicked off what is pretty much the "official" beginning of summer... not that that means a whole lot here with two little ones. Life pretty much stays the same. Aside from a couple vacations we're hoping to take this year. One will be up to Illinois with some family friends of ours. The other will be to Virginia. We've been wanting to go visit my aunt and uncle in Newport News for a few years now. Dustin has never even been there and we've been married for 3 and a half years! Hopefully near the end of the summer we'll be able to do that. We would also like to go camping at some point. Catie is kind of little but I'm sure mom wouldn't mind working out that problem for us :)

Then there are summer projects...

I'm really looking forward to the opportunity the ladies on the True Woman blog have given me and several other bloggers out there. Nancy Leigh DeMoss came out with a new book called Voices of th True Woman Movement. It's a compilation of several speakers/ authors who each have contributed a chapter in the book. Here's what the back says:

Which voices are you listening to?

In a world with so many contradictory and insistent messages, it's hard to know which ones are right, isn't it?

In recent decades, a powerful chorus has called out to women- urging us to choose the pathway of independence and self-reliance. Slick advertising and packaging have made the world's offer, like forbidden fruit in the Garden, appear to be "good... a delight to the eyes... [and] desired to make one wise."

In October 2008, over six thousand gathered for the first True Woman conference to hear God's Word and to affirm His mission and purpose to their lives. Voices of the True Woman Movement is a collection of messages presented at the conference. As you read, you'll be inspired to listen to the voice of the one who crafted you to uniquely bear His image as a woman.

Discover how a heart tuned to hear God's voice can be transformed to glorify Him and impact those around you for such a time as this.

I was fortunate enough to attend the conference a couple years ago, where I heard all these messages. Then, I was sent this book for free, with the promise to blog my thoughts on each chapter as I go through it. I'm looking forward to reading it, refreshing my mind and spirit on the things these Godly man and women spoke on a couple years ago. Maybe this time, with the Lord's help, these things will sink in! Be looking for my future postings on this book!

My next goal of the summer is to run a 5K. I've been doing the Couch-to-5K training plan. I'm at the end of week 5, which is exciting to be over halfway there! July 3rd is my end date! I'll be "racing" (Ha! Racing. I just want to finish the thing!) in the 26th Annual Pilot Fireball Moonlite Classic 5K. Wow, that's a mouthful! I ran cross country in high school, back in my "fit" days. It's encouraging though to be running again after two babies. I love to run... yes, I'm one of those crazy people who gets some kind of thrill out of pushing my body to its limits, going through intense moments of pain, exhaustion and thirst. I have run for as long as I can remember. My mom always loved running, and my dad was a marine. Running with my dad is one of my favorite memories from when I was young. He always pushed me... so now I have a tendency to push myself. Yes, I'm running again, with a life long goal to run a marathon. I'll keep you posted on that one! ;)

And now here's the thing I'm currently most excited about. My hair is long enough to donate!!! I cut it super short 2 years ago, cutting out the last of my highlights I'd been trying to grow for what seems like years. I've only cut it once since then (even though I probably should have been having it trimmed), with the intentions to grow it out to donate.

Dustin is out of town tonight and won't be home until tomorrow evening. He had to go to nashville for work. I hate when he's not home with us, but I started thinking last night that maybe I could surprise him with something. Then I realized this morning, I'll cut my hair! I don't know how he'll really respond... I'm pretty anxious about that part. He always says he likes my hair both ways- long and short- but we'll see. So I started researching donation organizations this morning. I don't really want to donate to Locks of Love, but was willing to donate to Pantene. I just didn't think my hair was long enough. So I found this smaller non-profit organization called Pink Heart Funds while I was searching for 6" hair donations. Then, realized they just increased the amount they'll accept from 6" to 8"... I was a little bummed. I really want to cut my hair but had convinced myself I will NOT cut all this hair off for nothing. I will only cut it if it's long enough to donate. So out of curiosity, I straightened a section of my hair, then pulled it back, and I have almost TEN inches!!! My hair will be short, pretty short, but I'm excited. I want it short, I want to surprise Dustin, and most importantly I want my hair to go to a "good cause". I'll post pictures later! Hopefully everything will fall into place tomorrow for me to be able to cut it!

Farmer's Marker Finds

2010-05-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

The passed month or so I've been more intentional about shopping at a local farmer's market here in town. I'm learning how to cook with less meat, more veggies, and veggies that are in season (this is key... and also takes some getting used to). Here in the states we suffer much from INSTANT gratification. I know, I'm quite guilty. But truly, buying what's in season and locally grown is SO much better for us! Tastes better too. Cheaper? Not necessarily. But cheap food is not honest food (I highly recommend every American watching Food, Inc). I truly believe it all goes back to learning how to wait on the Lord, His timing is perfect... even down to the last strawberry.

This week the market was the biggest I've seen so far. More farmer's showed up and there was so much more of a selection! The passed few weeks there really has only been some radishes, green onions, and different green leaf veggies. Now, I'm not complaining, I do love greens. I've always loved salad and a few weeks ago I put together a really tasty salad made up of the things I found at the market. But this week.... YUM!

I called my mom and told her I "hit the farmer's market jackpot"! We came home with green leaf lettuce, radishes, broccoli, cauliflower, baby spinach, strawberries, squash, and sugar snap peas! I am so excited to get cooking this week. We will be eating a lot of salads :) And I'll probably be freezing some strawberries because I still want to go to the fruit and berry patch here in Halls before the season is over.

Then later for dinner I made vegetarian taco salad for the second time. I LOVE this meal. And so does the hubby! I cannot believe I would ever be saying that. Dustin has always been the typical male meat lover. But honestly, I haven't made a meal with meat in the passed week! Even then, I haven't actually bought meat in over a month. We're buying organic meats/ dairy and grass-fed beef now. Which is definitely pricey, but a thousand times healthier. Because of the increase there, we're cutting back on how much of it we buy. Decent trade-off. Dustin is venturing out, willing to try different things, willing do without meat. It's great :) Coming from the girl who was a vegetarian at one point in her life.

Here's the tasty taco salad:

Hubby gave me a funny look when he saw me taking this picture. I assured him, "Baby, if you made something this beautiful that was this tasty, you'd blog about it too!" ;) I can't take the credit for the recipe though. My go-to place for vegetarian and in-season recipes has been Eating Well.com.

The finished product:

Tomorrow's menu: veggie pizzas.

Heavenly Sandpaper

2010-05-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

I am in love with an amazing man.

My husband, Dustin, and I have been married for almost 3 and a half years. Looking back to when I said "yes!" I could never have imagined the journey the Lord would have taken us on to this place. Here we are... 5 apartments, 1 house, a beta fish (who knows how he's still alive), 2 cars- one that has passed on, a minivan- oh yes, a minivan, and two beautiful girls, a hundred or so arguments and whole lotta "i love you's" later... we are in it for life. This life.

He is my heavenly sandpaper. I've been thinking a lot this week... well, the passed few weeks... about how I didn't picture this. I am so thankful. So thankful for a man who still points me to Christ. The thing that, truly, honestly, made me love him from the beginning was how he made me desire to be more like our Savior.

It has been hard. Nobody is kidding when they say it isn't a fairy tale. Marriage is NOT a fairy tale and it's for that reason that I loathe romantic comedies, and most "drama" movies. Real life marriage looks nothing like that. If anyone ever makes a movie that truly pictures real life marriage, no one will want to go see it... except for maybe me :)

Even though it has been hard, so much harder than I even imagined, he still makes me want to be more like Christ. The things he does that drive me crazy, or things we disagree about, the Lord chose for me. The Lord had me in mind when He created Dustin, and vice versa. The Lord is using him to refine me, mold me, peel away the layers that are not pleasing to Him.

It's for this reason that I still choose to love him. The reason I love him even more than 3 and a half years ago... I am so thankful I can honestly say that. I'm so thankful the Lord is helping us to press on, and continues to unite us together. I pray so much our marriage pictures the love between Christ and His church.

Be thankful for your heavenly sandpaper. It's for your good and God's glory that he (or she) was chosen for you :)

Our Next Adventure

2010-05-10T19:20:00.001-07:00

We're not going to plant our garden until next year, but we're going to go ahead and get a compost started. My grandma is going to come sometime this summer and help me get our flower beds looking nice. So I'll be able to have this compost to add to it this year, then to our garden next year. I'm quite excited about this! Flower beds and a garden are things I've really looked forward to about having our own home.

Laundry Thoughts

2010-05-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

I was painfully reminded this evening there is NO such thing as being caught up on laundry. There is, however, a constant state of catching up. If anyone ever tells you they have caught up on their laundry, well, they're lying.

We're going out of town this weekend, and on Tuesday we have family coming in. Then my parents come in next weekend. I really want to be caught up on laundry. Today that was my focus. Pretty much everything got neglected but laundry, and some playtime with the girls between loads. This evening, I marched pridefully up the stairs from the laundry room, carrying our last load of towels as I announced to my husband "ALL our towels are clean!" (This is a rarity in our house. Towels take back seat priority to diapers and clothes.) No sooner do I make this declaration than he comes out of the shower, hanging up his towel and washcloth... *sigh*

However, our laundry IS getting cleared out of the laundry room even now as I type. I'm making a strong effort to be done with everything except the girls' clothes and diapers, which I can finish in the morning before heading out of town. I suppose my steps in making this effort sometimes get ahead of my mind. I had been up here for a good 45 minutes, putting all our clothes in their respective homes (another rarity), then go back down with the intentions of switching the load over. What do I find? The lid to the washer still open, the cycle not even begun... *sigh*

I have nothing left I can do but laugh.

I was discussing with some dear friends last night how in the world to balance everything in my life? My walk with the Lord, my marriage, teaching and instructing my children, being a keeper of my home. I feel like I have a tendency to go to the extreme. If I'm determined to keep my home neat, it seems my walk with the Lord suffers. If I'm determined to be in the Word, my home goes astray. Between feeding, diapering, playing, and disciplining, there doesn't seem to be time for everything.

I do know there is a balance. I do know I am serving my God even as I fold towels and wash dishes. I know He is glorified when I clean my home and am "mommy pony" to my 2 year old. I just always feel like it's never enough.

My prayer is that He will continue to guide me, showing me this balance, that I may teach my daughters and it will not be as agonizing for them. This has been so heavy on my heart today... I want to simplify my life, to be able to hear Him more.

Thoughts?

Dancing with Cinderella

2010-05-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had such a sweet moment with my Gabbi. We have been struggling during our mornings. I don't think either one of us are "morning people". I am quite fleshy when I wake up and need much prayer to get through diapers, potty, breakfast, getting dressed... Gabbi too.

So yesterday morning Catie decided to sleep in which left Gabbi and I some much needed one-on-one time. We had our morning devotion from the Jesus Storybook Bible, then went to the couch and sat and talked and prayed. I shared with her how we've been struggling and needed some extra prayer this morning. She sat quietly and listened, it was sweet.

When we were done, she looked up at the bookshelf at a wedding picture of Dustin and I. She asked "Mommy, were you married in that picture?"

"Yes Honey, I was."

"Oh, was Daddy married in that picture?"

"Yes. That is a picture from the day Daddy and I got married."

"Oh, and you had your white dress on??" So observant, my little one :)

"I did. I had a wedding dress on."

"I had a dress on when I got married too!" Silly girl.

"Well, Honey, you're not married. But when you get bigger you will wear a white dress when you get married."

"Oh, when I grow big I will get married and where my own one??" She started to perk up a little. Any occasion to wear a dress makes her happy.

"Yes honey, Lord willing you will."
"Oh, and DADDY WILL DANCE WITH ME?????" Her eyes were so big, and she had such a huge smile on her face, I couldn't help but tear up. Even more exciting than wearing a dress is having Daddy to dance with. I will not tell her that on her wedding day, she'll probably be more excited to dance with her husband than Daddy.... I won't tell him that either ;)

My girl loves to dance and wear dresses. No kidding, every time she puts a dress on she says, "so I can dance?" Then instantly begins to twirl around. Even cuter than this is the fact that for the longest time she believed at the ball Cinderella was dancing with her dad. The idea of a prince had never occurred to her. She has only ever danced with Daddy. I'm sad that I corrected her about the 5th time she told me "Mommy, Cinderella is dancing with her daddy!" Wish I would have just left her with that innocent thought. Whenever we watch it she now asks me, "Can Daddy be the prince when he gets home??" If he's home when we are watching it, he'll always come and dance with her when the ball scene is on. He's such a sweet Daddy.

Our prince :)

On the move!!

2010-04-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

Sweet Catie is 8 months old TOMORROW! She started scooting about two weeks ago. Not an official- up on the knees- crawl. But some babies never do that, so I call what she's doing "crawling". She gets exactly where she wants to go... so it's official to me! I can't believe we're at this point already.

Sporting her Thirsties diaper cover & babylegs! Could she be cuter???

I don't think so ;)

Fruits of our Labor

2010-04-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

When Dustin and I first had Gabbi, we didn't know what to expect... naturally.

We knew certain things. We knew first and foremost, we were to train her in the knowledge of the Lord, praying one day she would come to TRUE knowledge of and love for Him. We knew we didn't want her to watch too much TV, or eat too much junk food. We knew we were going to have to one day spank her precious little bottom. We knew we weren't going to send her to public school. We knew she would one day have siblings, and we would have to teach her to share and be mediating disagreements...

But what in the world does all that look like?

Fortunately for us, the Lord doesn't leave us high and dry. He provided us with His word most importantly, but secondarily another book: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. My recommendation to every mom. The link is a review of the book by Tim Challies and you can find the book on amazon. Anyway, through much prayer and reading, the Lord showed us His heart for discipline.

Our expectation is for our children to obey us, immediately, the first time we give a command. We don't count. We don't do time out. If we give a command, and she fails to obey, she is discipline... with love. We aren't on an power trip. We don't give flippant commands just because we can. And we don't say "because I said so".

Quick obedience is the Lord's desire. Our prayer is that by teaching her to submit to our authority, restraining her will, then submitting to the Lord's authority will come more naturally (I hesitate to say "easy" because obedience to the Lord isn't easy) when she is older.

When Gabbi was not quite one we went to Corryton on a hay ride to get a pumpkin. We were closer to the tractor on the wagon, and I saw a family that was near the back of the wagon. The daughter was maybe 5 or 6. She was sitting on her dad's lap, but when the tractor started moving she wanted to move across to her mom (or aunt, or someone, i'm not sure). She stood up and started to walk across, and I could see that dad was telling her not to although I couldn't hear him. The girl shook her head and was fighting against him as he reached for her arm. Then, she fell. She was a second from falling off the wagon. If the dad hadn't been quick to jump up, grab her arm and pick her up she would have fell off the back of the wagon.

My heart sunk for them. But, through that, God showed me obedience is for their protection. I tell Gabbi every time I discipline her: "Honey, you must obey for your protection. I can't let you go astray!" The image of that family on the hay ride has never left my mind.

I was reminded of it again yesterday. We met Dustin for lunch, and I had the van parked up at the closest spots right along the curb. When we were leaving, Gabbi was walking by herself and I pointed to the van saying "this way". Well, she didnt' see the van, and understood that I was just saying to go in this direction. She jumped off the curb and was running full speed ahead into the parking lot. I didn't see her, but heard Dustin yell "GABBI, STOP!!" just in time to see her running, then stopping instantly, so fast that her feet slipped out from under her and she fell bottom first onto the pavement. Seconds later a car drove by, right where she would have been had she not obeyed. My heart lept and I was in tears, praising her for her obedience and showing her what would have happened. Dustin thinks the person would have seen her in time, I'm not so sure. I choose not think about it though, and only think of the Lord's GREAT mercy. His mercy to teach us biblical discipline, His mercy to enable her to obey at that moment (because trust me, she does not always obey instantly), His mercy to remain faithful even when we are not.

He is a good God.

Learning Thankfulness

2010-04-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

The title of this post should really be "Learning thankfulness, selflessness, graciousness, forgiveness...etc" but I don't have the space for that.
This week Dustin is at a conference (Together 4 the Gospel) in Louisville, so we are up here with my mom and dad. I'm staying here in their small two bedroom apartment with a 2year old and 7month old, while all them attend the conference. Yesterday I wasn't even able to be in the apt most of the day as their carpet needed to be replaced. So at 10 in the morning we loaded up in the double stroller off to find an adventure to occupy us until nap time.
It was a terribley exhausting day. Usually I get to call Dustin freely during the day for any "issues" that come up with the kids, or if I get bored, or lonely... or just want to hear his voice :) But not yesterday. I had to wake Catie up from her morning nap and leave, so she was less than pleased with that event. By noon both of them were falling apart. We met up with my sister-in-law, Lauren, for lunch at 12:30. Happy to see her, but never happy to go out anywhere to eat with both of the kids and no Dustin. Everytime we eat out with the kids (even with him there) I feel this pit of dread well up in my stomach. Anyone with toddlers knows what I'm talking about for sure. I felt flustered and distracted and I'm sure the tone in my voice was anything but loving the tenth time I told Gabbi to "turn around and eat your chicken".
I was ready for naptime. But Gabbi wasn't. When we got home and I laid them down, there was definitely protesting. Gabbi goes through spells where she fights naptime. Not so much with words or crying or tantrums anything like that. But she plays to keep herself awake. She gets disciplined for playing or talking loudly or fussing. She knows it's time to sleep. So I was going in there repeatedly for over an hour to adminster discipline. I was worn down to the core and ready to just see my husband. After Gabbi had finally fallen asleep and I was able to doze off for maybe 20 minutes. Dustin had a break from 5-7:30 and we were supposed to meet him for dinner. Well, he called me at 4:30, saying he wasn't sure if there would really be time for me to drive downtown and meet up with them, like we had planned earlier. Longing for adult conversation, and help from my husband for ANY length of time more so, those were the LAST words I wanted to hear. I began crying and was SO frustrated- not with him or anyone in particular, just frustrated. He called back and said if I was able to hurry and get them ready and out the door by 5 then we could make it work. I was packing up diaper bags and rushing around when Gabbi woke up.... followed by more discipline issues that I'm not going to go into right now. There was no way we would be able to make it out the door by 5, and I was even more frustrated. I explained to Gabbi that her disobedience has consequences that affect more than just herself, that we would not be able to go see daddy because her disobedience had delayed us. Well, I confess I was not instructing her in love. I was so exhausted and so upset.
Right before 5 Dustin called me again and said for me to still try and make it. So in a rush I got the girls out the door. On the way to the car Gabbi told me, "Mommy, you said we could not go see Daddy." I was quiet for a minute, thinking (how do I respond to this??), then I responded: "well honey, the Lord is so gracious to us. He gives us good things even when we don't deserve them. Even though we disobey, He still lavishes us with gifts. You were disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy." Then another thought: "Just like I was disobedient, but we still get to go see Daddy."
This morning was better, my mom stuck around from the conference. But this afternoon, here I sit watching my sweet girl play with sidewalk chalk while the other one is sleeping. Then, a text message from my hubby: "I love you. Thank you for serving so I can come."
Oh how convicted I am that not for a moment had that thought entered my mind. Serving... yet without a servant's heart. All day yesterday I was just in this pity party of how tired I was, how hard this job is, how much I needed some help. I am serving.
I do love this job. I wouldn't trade being a wife & mommy to my precious girls for anything in this world. Even through the hard times when I just want to shove my head under my pillow, cry, and run away from how HARD it truly is... It's sanctification. It's glorious. He never said it would be easy, He has only said I won't do it alone. I'm so thankful He will not allow me to stay in a pity party for any length of time. He is so very good to me.

In His perfect timing I stumbled across this today and it brought tears to my eyes (not many things do):

Let Me Hold You Longer
Karen Kingsbury

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…
The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket
wanting to be rocked.
The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?
Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.
I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?
The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…
The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…
The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…
The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.
I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.
I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer,God,
to every precious last.

It's crazy because just these passed couple weeks I find myself just watching Gabbi. As she eats, or plays, or is talking to me. And I think of her as a baby... how the days when she would be walking and talking seemed so far off, almost unreachable. Now here she is- a running, jumping, dancing, tutu-wearing, princess-playing, song-singing 2 1/2 year but so much older-acting girl. It makes me realize how quickly her life is going to go by, and how soon she'll be gone. Catie too. This poem brought even more conviction with the text from my husband.
So the Lord is teaching me thankfulness... and so much more. For these days that seem so hard but in hind sight, they are just part of the journey. And I love every step of the journey.
So I am going to get off here and play with my daughter as she serves me invisible coffee from a plastic cup smaller than my fist, and a plastic orange in a yellow bowl... my favorite of all snacks.

Welcoming Spring!

2010-03-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day the girls were medicine-free! No breathing treaments, no fevers, no tylenol... Of course, after the whole week of Gabbi going crazy during bedtime and staying up for two hours and realizing the albuterol makes her hyper we decided that was it. So we were all better just in time to head to Fountain City Park and welcome spring! The first time we've been out in a week! Here are a few pictures from our day:

**after publishing my post I realized that only half of some of the pictures show up. if you click on the picture it will bring the whole thing up in a new window. don't know why it's doing this? any tips?**

Gabbi's first request was to feed the ducks.

Sweet girl didn't even notice that the ducks really weren't hungry. Not a single duck swam up to us like the usually do. They probably were full since I'm sure every other two-year-old in Knoxville wanted to feed them today too.

I love this. Gabbi's interpretation of "tear it up" is "tear it in half" then throw it in the water.

It's funny how Gabbi has "friends" everywhere. As we were walking up to the playground she asked "am I going to play with my friends?" :) She met this sweet little girl on the tire swing.

I think she is absolutely gorgeous.

So big on the "big girl" swing!

"YOU wanna picture of ME?"

Catie's first time swinging!

My other gorgeous girl showing off her new teeth!

We're so creative.

The only way to end a day like today is with ice cream! We asked Gabbi where she wanted to get ice cream (just to see what she would say) and after thinking for a moment she said "the red house". Smart girl. She's talking about Bruster's, of course!

Don't worry, Catie-bug, you'll get ice cream soon.

THE END.

Great way to end our week and send our girls off to Nana & Poppy's this weekend in Louisville. I'm going to miss them in this empty house. But Dustin & I have some serious spring cleaning/ renovating to do to this place. If we're super productive, I may post some picture of our work.

Love my beautiful girls :)

2010-03-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

My sick babies...

2010-03-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

It has been a rough couple weeks here in our neck of the woods! About a month ago, Catie got a nasty cold, but it wasn't anything too serious. Quickly afterward, Gabbi came down with a cough too. Hers wasn't nearly as bad as Catie's. I'm typically not the kind of mom who takes her kids to the Dr at the first sneeze or cough, but RSV has been going around our circle recently and it is the LAST thing I wanted Catie to get. Babies are sometimes in the hospital because of it. I just have this vision in my mind of her not being able to breath, or being dehydrated, or worse... I just do NOT wan it! So I called the Dr and he tested her, and she was fine. There colds wore off since. Then within 10 days they graciously gave their illness to Daddy. I thought it was looking good for me to not get it, since I'm super woman and everything. Dustin was wiped out for a few days, ended up going to the walk-in clinic and paying 60 bucks for them to tell him he'll be better in a few more days. He was. Then it seemed as if there was peaceful in our house for a few days... the calm before the storm. I had the worst sore throat and cough I've had in a long time. I haven't been so miserable in so long. So two Sundays ago, it was my turn for the walk-in clinic. The verdict, bronchitis. The following Tuesday, Gabbi was running at 102 fever in the middle of night and we took her to the ER because I decided to panic. The verdict, URI/ Bronchitis and he gave her an antibiotic... the did nothing. Thurday morning Catie began coughing again and Gabbi still wasn't ANY better, we couldn't get her fever down. So Friday at Gabbi's "recheck" they were both diagnosed with RSV.

My worst nightmare. The only thing is, I really didn't freak out. I almost laughed... it's just our turn.

This winter, Catie hasn't been in the nursery at church at all. We rarely put Gabbi in there either. I've been trying to keep them away from all the germs and illness that pass around since all children their age decide to put everything in their mouths. And no one has yet mastered "cover you cough". I wash Gabbi's hands like crazy. I give her orange juice every morning, thinking this is going to "strengthen" her immune system or something... Ha. I have no control. I think I do... only... I don't.

My children could never see another child face to face and be hibernating all winter and if the Lord wanted them to have RSV they still would. It's that simple. I need to as forgiveness for thinking I could keep them safe. I can't. They are His children that He is letting me "borrow" and He is the ONLY One that can protect them. It's almost a huge relief when you look at it from that perspective. Trying to keep two babies from any pain or illness or injury is an exhausting job! I have no control. Hallelujah!

Skating Adventures.

2010-03-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

Yes. It's been almost a year...
A lot has happened within the year and to recap everything would mean our dinner would probably not get on the table tonight. Hopefully with every post over the next few weeks, I'll recall something that's happened this past year. That's my goal anyway.

So, right now, I'll begin with the obvious.
On September 1st of last year, we had a beautiful new addition to our family.

Caitlin Hope Haddock.

The adjustment was hard at first. Especially on sweet Gabbi girl, who wasn't so sweet on the "idea" of Catie. She loved Catie, but didn't love having to share Mommy & Daddy.
Catie is now 6 months old, and we can't imagine life without her. Neither can Gabbi. I love how close in age they are and pray they will grow so close as the years go by. I imagine them being the best of friends.

The Olympics were this year and I think I enjoyed them more this year than I ever have. Of course, my favorite event to watch was figuring skating. Gabbi enjoyed it too, and although she didn't hardly stay up to watch it, what she did catch she loved. My favorite part of Gabbi watching figure skating was being able to watch her mimic the skaters. She'd spin around in circles in the living room, run and jump and attempt to spin while jumping, and then go on to grab her foot, holding it in the air and yell "I'm skating, watch me!"
Of course, the only logical next step was to take her to the ice chalet off Kingston Pike. We could have a prodigy on our hands, right?? The next Michelle Kwan...

Well, maybe not. But it was a lot of fun. I couldn't help but laugh when I traded in Gabbi's boots for the rental skates. The girl handed me the next to the smallest size skates they had, and without a doubt the tiniest ice skates I could ever have imagined. They were so cute! (If you can imagine "cute" ice skates) My favorite part, though, was Gabbi calling the "zamboni" (for those who don't know, that zamboni is the large machine that cleans the ice) the "macaroni". When we were leaving she kept saying she wanted to "see the macaroni again". Silly girl.
After ice skating, we ventured to the one and only Chick-fil-a. What better way to end the evening? We've grown to love chick-fil-a... mainly because with Gabbi's allergy it's the cheapest place we can eat out. Our options are pretty limited.

Well. Nap time will soon be over, and I haven't done a thing I was planning on. My chores await :)

Gabbi's Favorite Song

2009-03-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

It was a sick weekend in the Haddock house. I woke up Friday morning to a crib full of vomit. (Nice, huh, Bub?) Gabbi had never been sick like this before, so it was a new experience all the way around- for her and I both. Saturday she wasn't completely back to normal. She was feeling great by her actions, playing hard, but still wasn't eating good and a tad bit clingy. Just this evening for dinner was actually the first time she's eaten a good meal since Thursday. I feel aweful for her though b/c of the allergy and tummy problems she's had she's always been small and scrawny. Just in the past 2 months has she started to gain weight. A stomach bug would've been the last thing I would have asked for for her as far as illnesses go. But, the Lord is sovereign and it truly has kept us looking to Him. All weekend long I've just asked Him to sustain me and He has... a stomach bug is never the illness I want to clean up after, but being pregnant just adds to it. But I was okay, and I never got it. Praise the Lord!

In Gabbi's little baby book there's a section about her "growing" and place to list her "favorite things". One of which is a favorite song. I've thought about this a few times and have wondered if she's actually to the point yet where she can understand different songs and have a "favorite". Over the past several months, maybe the past year, "Amazing Grace- My Chains are Gone" has been a favorite of mine, and one that I often sing to her. There are a couple that I sing to her, but I think My Chains are Gone is definitely the most frequent. So, Saturday night we went to some friends' house which we often do- we lay her down and wake her up whenever we go home and put her right back to bed. Truly, never have had a problem. Saturday I guess with her still not being completely normal we laid her back down and she cried and cried. She'd stop and start again. So Dustin and I decided I'd go in there- we usually let her cry, but with the circumstances we thought I could go comfort her. I picked her up and we laid down on the futon that's in her room. I sang several songs to her and she just laid on my chest, not crying, but not going back to sleep. After maybe 3 or 4 songs I sang "My Chains are Gone"... when I finished the song a I started another one, but immediately Gabbi sat up and said "NightNight" and looked toward her bed. Almost as if "Thanks Mommy, that's what I was waiting for; I'll go to bed now." I went to bed with a little smile on my face, but didn't know what to think of it. Coincidence?

Tonight was a similar story. She asked me to go to bed at about 6:30. She does this periodically, a blessing completely. It was a little earlier than normal, and with it still being light outside I didn't know how she'd do. I heard her off and on talking/ fussing for a while. Then at about 8:00 we came upstairs. Dustin went in her room to check on her, he picked her up for just a moment and when he laid her back down she screamed for "mommy! mommy!" You have to know, this is a rare occasion. She is totally a Daddy's girl and even when Daddy's not around she cries for him. Dustin had picked her up again and when I walked into the room she reached for me immediately. She snuggled up to me and I asked her (as if she knows what it means) "do you want to sing?" and she said "yeah" (default answer). So I sang "My Chains are Gone", and right at the last couple lines she sat up and reached for her bed. She got cozied in with 'Blankie' and 'Puppy' without another peep the rest of the night.

Coincidence? I don't think so anymore. I believe Gabbi now has a favorite song. Too sweet!!!

Morning Mercies

2009-03-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

Something funny happened for the second time this morning. I am a relatively heavy sleeper, a little less so these days being pregnant and having to get up at least once during the night. But I rarely wake up when Dustin gets out of bed; actually, when I do wake up I'm on his side of the bed and wonder "how did I get here?" This morning, as one morning a week or two ago, I open my eyes half way and actually get frustrated with him: "why did he leave the lamp on?!" I roll over, but there is still this bright light coming from the side of the room. I can't fall back asleep because he has "left the lamp on", so I sit up with a big sigh, rub my eyes and look to turn off the light... then chuckle at myself. I can't turn off the light, b/c it's coming from the sun shining in through our window! This light, I love.

I think I'm more anxious for spring this year than I have ever been in my life. I'm sitting at my desk, a small breeze and music from the birds coming through my window. If I wasn't pregnant, a cup of coffee would be in front of me. Now that sounds good! I guess this glass of water will just have to suffice. My bible is open to Psalm 96, what I can't seem to get away from on mornings like this.

"Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy..."
vv.11-12

I can't help but think that the earth is rejoicing & the trees in my back yard, as well as the birds in them, are singing for joy. And the Lord is over it all... He commands the breeze to blow, and it does. He commands the birds to sing a song, and they do. In a matter of weeks He'll command the trees & flowers to bud, and they will. All things come to pass- births, deaths, and seasons- in His perfect time. I love the promise of Spring. Just as we have to walk through the valley to stand upon the mountain, to even know we're standing on a mountain, in the same way we have to walk through the cold death of winter to know the beauty and warmth of spring. Maybe that's why I'm more anxious for spring this year. Because the Lord is doing the same thing in creation as He is doing in my heart, in mine and Dustin's life. It's a wonderful thing! I just want to take Gabbi outside and dance with the trees!!! (With the picture from Prince Caspian in my mind.)
We must get outside today.

A (long) Testimony of His Grace

2009-03-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

I realize it has been almost 4 months since I've blogged. I do aspire to be a better "blogger"... and I really don't know how any mom can keep up with a blog. I mean, I only have one child right now and it's next to impossible! So, you mommy-bloggers out there (I'm thinking of Courtney in particular- who is amazing at keeping her blog up), you have my respect!

Words can't really describe how much the Lord has moved in my heart these past few months. I guess it really started before Dustin and I went to West Africa on a mission trip right a couple weeks before Christmas. It was one night before we were going to bed, when he was under this conviction, over several things really. He was confessing things to me and broken... I don't remember the lot of what he had said, but I remember this one thing. He said, "Baby, I want to Lord to just make everything new. I want to just start over... with a clean slate." I got so excited and said, "Honey! He can! That's what He does!!!" ---Realizing now how little I actually believed what I myself was saying to him. So there we were, for a few weeks really praying and asking the Lord to just make all things new- in our lives, our marriage, everything.

We came home from W. Africa, several weeks afterward, and I believe I was under some type of spiritual warfare. I just could not seem to hear from the Lord when I would read His word and I felt like my prayers hit the ceiling. I honestly began to lose a desire to even open my bible. Dustin and I also began arguing a lot during this time. I confess, with much regret, I spoke SO ugly to him. If he would even remotely be short or impatient with me in any way, I would lash out at him. The thing that makes my anger & harsh words even worse, was I felt no remorse for them. If I even did apologize to him afterward it was because I just wanted to keep peace, because I knew I "should" be sorry. I was troubled by this periodically & wondered "How can I say I'm sorry without feeling sorry?!?" It was my sweet baby girl who the Lord used to bring light upon my sin.

Gabrielle is growing, obviously, and her personality is growing with her... She has such a big personality for such a little girl. This really is sweet & so fun to watch, but sometimes it's not so good. Near the end of January she realized she too, can say the word "no". While playing with other friends of hers is pretty much her favorite time to use this word. Half the time she's probably provoked by someone taking a toy away from her or something and she says "no", half the time she's the one taking the toy and saying "no". Either way, I was very troubled by this. Dustin and I talked about it and at first we were not in complete agreement as to how to handle it. Then, he told me I should discipline her when she says (actually, yells) "no" like this. I had a hard time with this. I just did not want to discipline her- so sometimes I would & sometimes (if I saw she was provoked) I wouldn't. Inconsistent. We strive very hard to be consistent, and I knew I was misleading her by sometimes disciplining and sometimes not. I just did not want to discipline her if I knew she was being provoked by someone else. Dustin pretty much called me out on it and said "Look, even if WE are provoked, we still are not to sin". One Friday night I just lied in bed telling the Lord over and over again: "I just want to defend her. I just want to defend her!" To a fault. Yes. I am not doing a good job of protecting her if I am allowing her to sin. After saying this for probably 5 minutes, agonizing over what I need to do, the Lord spoke to me (no, it was not an audible voice, just in my heart) "In the same way I want to defend YOU". In an even greater way!! I was flabbergasted for a moment, and then began to really think on what that means. I know the Lord is our defender, I just have never believed He is my defender. In fact, I've never really believed Him about a lot of things He says He is to me. So I've never let Him defend me- when people make *sarcastic/ rude/ harsh* comments about my being pregnant again, when people sin against me, and mainly when Dustin sins against me, I take it upon myself to defend me. Either by just getting angry inside or by letting them know that I'm angry.

This was pretty huge. But not nearly the end. Later that week I was in Louisville visiting my mom, and I attended a bible study with her Thursday morning. The study she was doing was Jerry Bridges, Pursuit of Holiness. It was the first meeting, so the lady leading the study was just doing an introduction. She was an amazing speaker, and God used her words to just cut me straight in the heart. She spoke about the lack of the pursuit of holiness in the church today. The lack of desire for God's word & how this shows itself in our daily lives. In our lack of discipline, lack of conviction over sin, lack of discipline in our children even. She spoke how people excuse their sin by saying "it's the way I've always been" or "well, so-and-so did this to me". Wow. God immediately showed me my need to confess the sin of my horrible words to my husband. Showed me that it is sin whether or not Dustin sins against me first. And He showed me the reason I never wanted to discipline Gabbi is because of my own sin in my life. I didn't want to admit she was wrong by yelling "no" when she was provoked in the same way I didn't want to admit I was wrong by yelling "(whatever)" when I was provoked. I confessed all that to Dustin and he sweetly, immediately forgave me.

Then the warfare started. The lies. "How can you really be saved if you could go that long without a sensitivity to your sin?" That Sunday at church (still in Louisville), during the invitation the Pastor made some comment about "If you've always known about Christ, but never had a real relationship with Him........." and the lie slipped into my ear "you need to go forward, you don't really know Christ." From time to time I think every believer hears the same type of lies. But never this clearly for me. I began to believe them immediately, just like Eve. The next two weeks I agonized over these lies. Battling in my heart, "can I truly be saved???" The bible study I was in was Kay Arthur, teaching on the end times. Through the entire hour I was in utter despair, just knowing I would not meet Christ in the clouds but would stand before Him at the Great White Throne and be banished into Hell. Lies. Lies. Lies. I shared these thoughts with Dustin, and a couple of dear friends who all spoke truth over me and prayed much for me.

Some short time later, I read Numbers 14, where Moses sends the spies into the Promised Land. They come back, and only Joshua speak the truth. The others all say there is no way they can defeat the Canaanites & Israel believes them- instead of believing that God, who led them out of captivity in Egypt, fed them with Manna, caused water to spring forth from a rock, could help them defeat the Canaanites. So, they are punished for their unbelief. They must spend 40 more years in the wilderness where they die, and their children at first suffer for their unbelief, but then are able to enter the Promised Land. This passage spoke directly to me. Lord, I do not want my children to suffer for my unbelief. I began to beg Him to help me believe Him & the promises of His word.

Two weeks after the lies started (exactly), I had a huge breaking point. One of those that begins with a few simple tears that can't seem to stop and leads to uncontrollable sobbing. My poor husband, was taken aback because this came out of pretty much nowhere. I had reached the end, I had made up in my mind that there was no way I was a Christian & didn't know what to do about it, or really which end was up. After I had calmed down, the Lord spoke amazing words through Him. He told me he truly saw this fruit (which is what it comes down to: You know a tree by its fruit) in my life from all the Lord was doing in me and showing me over these past several weeks. He told me he noticed a huge difference in the way I spoke to him. Where before there was no remorse, and now, if I speak the slightest bit harshly to him I was immediately sorry. Then he asked me "Honey, do you hate your sin." I said, "Yes, everyday, I hate it." Then, all the things he had said really started to sink in, and I felt this little ray of hope.

The next day, was last Monday (the 23rd), I started reading John Piper's book, Battling Unbelief. This book I had bought months and months ago and was just now starting to read. Which is funny, the Lord's timing. Because I don't think if I had read this book when I first bought it, it would have had the affect on me the way it has now. My heart was just not ready. I could probably write a whole different *long* blog about just how the Lord has spoken to me in this book. But the main thing comes down to this. The sin He had just revealed to me is encompassed by a much larger thing- my sin of unbelief- which in encompassed in the sin of pride. I realized in the almost 4 years that I've been a believer, I don't think I've ever truly believed Him. So I thought I was just dealing with the sin of my words, when really, I'm a prideful, unbelieving, straying little lamb of His. Praise God!!! But through this He showed me a picture... Last Thursday. I do well with illustrations, so I apologize if you don't do well with illustrations.
I saw myself in this dark dungeon/ basement place & the filthiness of my sin surrounded me. I was covered in cobwebs & dust & ashes... helpless in bondage to my sin of unbelief. And here He comes- my Lord, my Deliverer, my Redeemer... peeling away the cobwebs & dusting off the ashes, bestowing on my a beautiful headdress, a crown. I realized on Saturday at the women's retreat this picture He showed me was completely a reference to Isaiah 61:1-3!

Our God is so great!!! I told Dustin and several other people this weekend, I haven't felt hope like this in I can't even remember how long. I feel freedom, and joy... and I just can't wait for what He is going to do next. I know this is a super long blog, but I couldn't refrain from sharing this with everyone. His grace is what sustains us each day. And He does answer our prayer... He is making all things new.

2008-11-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

Today has been an odd day. A great day, but just different. My thoughts on the election will maybe be in a later post... but currently, I feel peace.
No, I do not support Barack Obama. I believe Romans 13:1-5 is a command to submit to the authority of the government, not a command to support it. Until the day that Obama falls at the feet or my Savior, and his policies follow my Savior's commands as well, I will never support Barack Obama. That's all I will say for now... This was not the point of this blog, but I could get carried away.
I have peace though... only because my peace comes from One so much greater than any authority in this world.

I feel like sometimes my life goes through themes... and during these periods there are songs I fall in love with. Theme songs- so cheesey- that's a joke.
Anyone who is married must know marriage is so hard. Someone I greatly admire, a preacher by the name of Paul Washer, once explained it in a way I will not do justice. But so many people say that God made their spouse just for them, to make them a better person, to complete them, etc. This is not an entirely true statement. Yes- I fully believe God has ordained Dustin to be my husband from eternity past. But he has characteristics in him, that touch every never in my body... drive me crazy even. Those things in him are to peal away layers of myself that do not please to Lord. To make me look more like Christ. When two fallen people come together in marriage, apart from Christ, it is going to be a disaster.
I'm so thankful for Christ. With the world shouting from every angle lies from the pit of hell- "you deserve to be happy, it's all that matters" "you do whatever is right for you" "if he treats you bad, leave him"- no wonder the divorce rate is nearing, if not passing, 50%.
Dustin and I have had our share of hard days already. They say the first two years of marriage are the hardest... I could attest to that, even though we haven't made it to are third yet. With getting engaged, married, and have our first child all within one life-altering year, how could it be anything but hard.

That brings me to the song. I wasn't crazy about it at first... most songs I'm not crazy about at first, but totally cynical (God is working on me about that). When I saw the movie "Fireproof" it totally changed my perspective of this song. If you haven't seen Fireproof... go see it. It is without a doubt (aside from the Chronicles of Narnia, but really it's incomparable b/c it's totally different) the best movie I have ever seen. This song played at the end. There really is so much truth in these lyrics.

Warren Barfield: love is not a fight
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

So Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

So much truth. It's a current favorite.
Maybe I'll be better about blogging these next few days.

2008-09-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

"Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set You glory above the heavens." Psalm 8:1

We went camping this weekend, and I picture the enormous mountains and the blanket of bright stars across the sky as I read this verse. Oh, He commanded the mountains the rise up and they did. He commanded the stars to hang and shine, and they did. His creativity and beauty amaze me. I can't imagine and God that is even more beautiful than the stars in the sky... but He is.
We went to Bandy Creek in Oneida. Which is apparently one of the darkest places in the eastern US b/c there is no big city really near to it. So it's one of the best places to look at stars- or so they say. I mean, I would believe it. I don't know if I've ever seen stars that clear in my life. We rode down this long dirt road away from our campsite to this clearing in the woods. Dustin and I (along with Kristin and Derek) lied on the road and just watched the stars. (Probably one of the most "memorable" moments of our marriage). I was just lying there in awe of our great God... isn't that the point of His creation? He created all things for His glory, so shouldn't we just give Him glory when we wonder at His creation? I just love it. So we were lying there for a few minutes and I said quietly to myself (but Dustin did hear me) "Lord, please let me see a falling star tonight!" A few minutes later, a star fell from the sky... then another... then another... then another! Four falling stars within minutes of each other!! I was so excited I was practically in tears. I was telling Dustin "Did you hear me? Did you hear me ask the Lord for a falling star?? And then He gave me four!" Dustin replied "Yeah, I heard you. You asked the Lord and you know what He said? 'That's My daughter, and I love her SO much, and she wants to see a falling star, so I'm going to give that to her'. Then He called the star by name, and commanded it to fall, at it obeyed joyfully." The star, when commanded, said "YES LORD." It obeyed Him, and was happy to do so... oh to be like the stars in the sky! Who joyfully and willingly obey our God in everything!
It was an amazing night.

2008-08-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

So it's been a really long week.
My parents moved Monday- literally the first time of my life I've been away from them. It's been hard. I just feel like I'm in a "dry" place with the Lord this week. I was explaining to someone that, when I've read this week, I feel like I'm not retaining anything. And when I've prayed, for the first time in my walk with the Lord it's like my prayers have hit the roof. I know He's there, I just can't sense Him there. Yesterday I was just overcome with sadness and I just didn't feel like doing a thing. But I knew it was not His desire for me to just sit all day and do nothing. I was home all day Tuesday and yesterday morning... I needed out of the house. So I called my "Nanny Betty"- she's my surrogate grandmother here in Knoxville :) I spent a few hours with her yesterday afternoon and was just so thankful the Lord gave me that time- it was like a breath of fresh air. We talked some, just sat some in silence (which I love. It's something about elder women who have walked with the Lord for some time... they can just be quiet and it's not awkward. Like me, I'm young and not so mature in Christ, I feel a constant need to just fill silence with words.)... we sat in the swing in the front yard and walked in the garden. Gabbi loved it too... she was so good, and just let Nanna Betty love all over her. She told me something so simple, yet so profound... first, she just reminded me that even in this time God is present with me, she reminded me that He'll never leave nor forsake me. Which I know, but it's always good to be reminded. Then she said this: Maybe during this time He may not be revealing Himself to me, to see if I'm going to trust Him even when I don't sense His presence. We can't base our relationship with God on experience after experience, on our emotions. Pastor has said several times that our feelings are so fical... this I know, but I must trust God more than I trust my couch! Never once have I ever sat down on my couch and wondered if it was going to hold me... yet I question my all-powerful Father? Oh Lord, forgive me!

Dustin started his new job with Greg this week. He absolutely loves it, and really sees a future in it. It's really exactly what we've been praying for... for him to be able to learn a "trade" that will continue to provide for us in the future. I even started a part-time at-home job this week. Filling out addresses and stuffing envelopes. God is just providing for us continually. He is so faithful... over and over again.

Gabbi is officially- as of this past weekend- walking full speed ahead. She's unstoppable now! It was so funny watching her walking with Kate Willis today. Kate is 13months and Gabbi is just 10, she looks so tiny walking beside Kate- who is almost a head taller than her.
It's 7 weeks until Gabbi's first birthday- that is incredible to me!
Where does the time go???